...and the strangest things seem, suddenly routine

2012-01-08T20:23:00.000-08:00

Like a damned cherry tree

She was a fearsome little thing, could not be more than 5ft tall in heels, a pixie I called her. A fearsome, fiery lil pixie, and she wanted to try everything. Laying there, naked and bound open, I could not help but feel like a kid in a candy store. I was not about to pop her SM “cherry”, “I’m pick you like a god damned cherry tree” was what I think I said thru lips that tastes a mix of her, bourbon and the bit of rope I was holding in my teeth while I secured her legs tighter.

We all know the slang around “taking someone’s cherry”, to be the first, usually it refers to sexual intercourse, but when it comes to kink, there are a whole lot of “first times” to be had… if you are lucky. I remember getting my kink cherries “popped”, the first time I took needles in my flesh, my first pegging, the first time I put my entire hand inside another… the list goes on and on. Each time I was lucky to have a partner who took great love and joy in patiently sharing these new, and often terrifying, first times with me. Guiding my hand, quite literally in a few cases, those first mind blowing times.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love an experienced partner, someone who knows their bodies and understands what and how they get off. Lord knows I’ve been lucky enough to have some of my own “top cherries” popped by a very experienced bottom. No, what I want to write about today is that special moment you get when you get to share your sexuality with someone and in that most intimate of moments you can literally see them clicking the “like” button on their mental facebook of sexuality.

But why? Ego? Sure, everyone wants to be “the first”, lord knows my triple Leo personality is prone to such things… but there is more, I think.

In the case of the Pixie? Sure there was the obvious physical response, the way her body went from a nervous shiver to convulsions of pleasure when the candle wax made contact with her skin. The way she shook at her core, of course it may have been that I was so deep inside her I could almost feel her heartbeat through her sex, but you know what I mean. That moment in time, when the eyes roll back, the mouth opens and a smile is plastered so wide on their face that you fear it my cause permanent damage if it gets any wider.

Or is it the way that the mix of desire and fear combine to make an intoxicating smell, radiating off her skin in waves? Like heat off the desert floor, shimmering and warming my wicked, lustful desire to take this person’s trust in me and return it ten fold in pleasure and, if I’m lucky, a new understanding of their sexuality.

That satisfaction when they tell you, that one thing you did? Yeah, as soon as I heal/rest/recover I want you to do that again… and maybe this one thing that I was thinking about but never had the guts to try.

Of course, I have cherries of my own that need popping, but that dear readers is a tale for another day.

2011-12-29T15:51:00.000-08:00

Shows and Performances in January!
Jan. 16: Starving Artists on Parade (Seattle)
Come out on a Monday night and see me rig... there will be a dead girl and a body bag. Nuf' said?
http://www.facebook.com/events/251894758201926/

Jan. 21: Art of Restraint (SF)
Bringing my own twist to the combination of art and sm.
http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/213254

Jan. 28: Steampunk Exhibition Ball (Seattle)
I'm returning to MC this event as well as perform.
http://www.steampunkexhibitionball.com/

Feb. 4: La Petite Mort's Dark Cabaret (Seattle)
Blood, boobs and bondage. What more do you need?
https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/218326

Think suspension bondage is boring to watch? Think again..

Live Performance "Tryst @ Little Red Studio 05/2010" from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

Twisted Monk at Art of Restraint 3/27 from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2011-12-18T18:00:00.001-08:00

Lessons on the field of green felt

The men of my family spoke the language of cars and pool. Ask them about a complex emotional or spiritual matter and they would freeze up, stare at you with cautious eyes and wait for your “trap” to fall. Now talk to them about the .60 over bored pistons and double wound cam that I wanted to install in my 1964 Corvair Spyder? Well we could discuss that all night.

We spoke two common tongues, my family and I, that of engines and of pool. Some of my best memories are of my father, guiding me on a lazy Sunday afternoon, thru some complex part of an engine rebuild. We all raced back then a trio of restored Corvairs. Each one sight to behold, from my father’s tricked out turbo to my own, heavily modified “touring” car, speed and power were the goals and we would talk at great length about the complexities of power vs. speed. Was it better to burn rubber at the light, vs. the value of pulling up from behind, to loose your competitor in the curves as they underestimate the skill of the man behind the wheel? If it had an accelerator pedal, we made love to the idea of what it could become.

Pool? We played pool for hours. It was the only thing we all could do with out wanting to kill or get so drunk that we did not have to deal with the other. Soon as my brother nd I were old enough to hold sticks, we were ushered into that dim, smoky world at every chance. My grandfather learned while working in a CCC camp during the depression, he taught my father and he taught my brother and I.

The green of a pool table, its smoky half light in the back of some unknown bar, will always stand out when I think if them. These men were my heroes, my mentors, my definition of what it meant to be a “man”. My granddad would saunter across the table from me, stetting his Olympia tall boy down just long enough to line up a shot. Fingers, stained yellow for years of nicotine would splay across the green of the table as he guided the queue between two broken and malformed knuckles, the result of keeping the engines of industry running.

Like his father, my father taught me. “Just 25 cents a lesson, son” he would joke as he schooled my arrogant young ass at the find art of pool. My gramps would say, “Show me a man who is good at pool, and I’ll show you a boy with a wasted childhood”. Needless to say, both my father and grandfather were astounding at playing the game. The kind of grace you would expect from a top surgeon or concert cellist, they would display on the felt. Fingers, nimble and splayed, eyes fixed on the ball, hands smooth and effortless in their execution.

This was where they taught me grace, just because you can hit that cue ball hard it does not mean you must. Rather, as I leaned over the table, tongue clasped in my teeth and I concentrated on the invisible lines of geometry that imagined across the table, each one predicting a different arc of my shot, was when they did it. My father did it first, placing a hand on my cocked elbow and holding it firm,
“Just cuz you can it that ball hard, don’t. Use some finesse. If you can’t sink it this round, ease it up nice and close so you can do it later… and confound your opponent.”

From them I learned the art of the “kiss”, to not strike too hard or rely in too many complex angles or bank shots. But rather to ease the ball, dare I say seduce it into falling into place, just millimeters from the edge of the pocket. There it would sit, waiting for me, and turning my opponent’s next shot into a profanity filled mish mash of bumpers and too much “English”

I’ve not played with my father in years, nor my brother, not since that dark day when the fates took him from this world. No, today those who love me put up with me as I saunter around the table, pint in hand, and do not roll their eyes at me when I push my glasses down my nose and prostrate myself upon the table. Hands splayed wide like my grandfathers, save this time the fingers are stained blue from rope dyes, but the knuckles are no less deformed, as I take aim and quip to my opponent, “show me a man who is good at pool…

2011-12-12T02:55:00.001-08:00

First and foremost, I’m a film nerd.

Specifically, I’m obsessed with the films of the early to mid 70’s and how they reflected our culture’s response to things like Watergate, Vietnam and the whole collapse of the 60’s “free love movement”. In short, I love grind house, exploitation films from the 1970s. Not only as entertainment, but also as a reflection of culture and shifting ideals, in fact I almost got tossed out of film school for arguing about the cultural significance of the x-rated film “Barbara Broadcast… but that is a story for another day.. When a blatantly pornographic film like Deep Throat can gain a mainstream audience and a film like Midnight Cowboy can not only carry the dreaded “X” rating, but also garner an Oscar nomination? Times, they were a changing and I’ve always said that you can tell a lot about a culture based on what it views as “porn”.

But I digress, I love old school porn. Probably my first erotic memories were from seeing the full page advertisements for 8MM loops in the back of the nudie mags I stole from my grandfather. Back then all the penetration was covered by black censor bars, but I remember the sheer volume of sexual images to be overwhelming to my young brain. If I had a time machine, I’d go back to NYC in the 70’s, to walk along 42nd street and experience the grind houses in person. Not for the sexual thrill but for what I call the “meta” to understand who and what made us tick, sexually and to understand why it had such an impact on my young brain

Again, I digress, but when it comes to this topic I can bore the paint off a wall at 20 paces with my thoughts, observations and (worst of all) questions.

Fast forward to the summer of 2011.

I have the unique and wicked pleasure to be traveling in Portland with a companion who is also a fan of the grind house. Much to my surprise, she informs me that in the heart of old town Portland there is an operating grind house theater, still! This is amazing, most of these monuments to rain coats and masturbation were closed down when the VHS tape took off and we could get smut in the comfort of our living room, not some smelly (often sticky) theater in the “bad” part of town. Much to my delight, this theater was still operating. Relying now on the hipsters and anime nerds, but its doors were open for us to wander into one warm summer eve.

(Jesus Monk, quit talking about social impacts of film theory and give the nice people something naughty to read!)

And so, this particular summer’s eve my companion was dressed in a short black dress. Nothing too “complex” to bastardize the great Mel Brooks, but it was what was *under* the dress that mattered. Beneath her simple dress, she wore long, silk stockings, connected to old school garter belts that came up to frame her panty clad ass like a pair of goal posts, guiding you into the in zone of her firm, pert bottom. Not the quasi “retro” kind, but the lace covered, thigh spreading wonders that only the 1970’s could manifest.

Stepping into the theater, we are greeted by an over eager door man. He is more than happy to explain that our presence at tonight’s showing would be free of charge and that anytime we wished (as a couple) to visit the theater it was “on the house”. Hmm, interesting to say the least, but who am I to complain? Sadly they were showing modern porn, not old school stuff that still existed on a reel of celluloid. Someday I hope to experience sitting in a darkened theater, listening to the whir and clatter of a projector as something taboo flickers to life on the screen before me. Again, I digress. Sorry. I’m out of practice at this blogging thing.

The theater it self was a dingy affair. A few hundred seats at most. Spread out in a bowl around a screen. A screen showing some random European girl getting her various bodily orifices stuffed by a number of random, forgettable (and slightly oily) euro dudes. We were soon to find out that what was happening on the screen was not the main attraction…

The usher guides us to the “couples space”, a cordoned off space in the back of the theater. Leather (ish) seats and a very solid looking, waist high fence awaited up as we sat back to take in the show.

Now is where things start to get a bit… odd.

Sitting back to enjoy the pornographic film playing on the big screen, my companion lays her head across my lap as she kneels at my feet. A very natural pose for her this particular weekend of sin. If my count of the heads in front of me is accurate, the theater holds about 30 to 40 patrons. At first they take no notice, then... Well then something odd begins to happen. A few brave souls get up from their seats in the middle of the theater and move to the back wings on the left or right of our position. Staying at what I could only call a “plausible deniable distance” the sat, watching us out of the corner of their eyes while pretending to still watch the feature on the screen.

Others were not so subtle, like prairie dogs we watched as one head after another pops up, turns back and realizes that there is an actual female in the audience. Leaving the well worn seats, they begin to line the barricade that separates our “couples only” space and the rest of the theater. Ignoring the girl as her anus takes not one, not too, but three cocks at once on the screen, they all sit in silent admiration for the girl at my feet. Each one waiting for her to do something, something *real*, not acted on the big screen.

Here is where I must pause and say that I am a sick, sadistic bastard. As the men stared, their eyes penetrating my companion in every possible way, I instructed her to stand. Stand and raise her skirts to the admiring crowd.

Hands slide off the rail and into *other* places as she parades her ass across the room for all the patrons to see. Panties stretched tight and wisps of hair peeking from between her legs, she giggles and shakes her ass with seductive glee before bending over my knee. If I am a bastard, she is a cock tease and enjoying the attention.

My hand rests on her bottom as she closes her eyes and pushes her ass up to meet me. My hand connects with her bottom, making a loud, sharp report. Some of the audience smile, others look with wary concern. This was not the show they were expecting. With growing force and speed, I strike her ass. Raising the skin to a bright, swollen red. Her thighs are aglow as the blood flows to her pale, almost transparent skin.

At my instruction, she stands skirt still up around her midsection and turns to the watching crowd, each one transfixed and staring with jaws agape.

“Show them your bottom, darling” I tell her.

“Now boys,” I say to the pie eyed men watching the scene, “I think you best give her a round of applause for her contribution to tonight’s entertainment”

Awkwardly hands emerge and a round of applause comes from the watchers. My companion blushes and takes a deep bow, showing them the growing wet spot in her panties.

I raise and take my date by the hand. Pushing through the watching crowd and making for the door. A chorus of “thank you”: can be heard from behind me as I steer her through the exit and into the night air.

“You are a mean man, Sir”: she tells me,” Not giving them anything more of a show than that”

“Oh my dear child” I laugh, “All good story tellers know that the best thing is to leave them wanting more….”

And into the warm night we walked, arm and arm.

2011-09-22T14:44:00.000-07:00

Snapshots from Dr. Sketchy's Seattle

Some snaps from my rigging session on Sunday, Sept 18 with The Shanghai Pearl for Dr. Sketchy's "anti-art school"

2011-03-31T14:59:00.001-07:00

Performance Video, "The Ripper"
Performed at Dr. Rocket's Medicine Show, Seattle 3/24

Somebody finally caught the "infamous" Ripper act on film! Unfortunately they caught the performance where I was just recovering from a 3 week cold and my *favorite* straight razor broke. Oh well, that is the magic of live theater!

Seattle Burlesque Presents:La Petite Mort & Twisted Monk Perform "The Ripper" from Omar Taboada on Vimeo.

It goes with out saying, but I will anyways, this is a *performance* and not intended to be an instructional, how-to video. Suspension bondage is dangerous and potentially lethal. Seek proper, in person instruction before attempting. Also, putting rope around someone's neck is a no-no! The rope I am using is a specially made "break away" prop rope. Play safe kids.

2011-02-22T23:47:00.000-08:00

Something worth the wait.

The first video from our newly re-launched youtube.com channel "TwistedMonkStudios". (we will be re-adding the how to clips as bandwith allows, but the racier performance stuff will remain on Vimeo.com) A hardware review of the portable bondage frame, The Tetruss 2. As you may recall, we had a near miss with an early version of the product last year while in Vegas. Since then, the manufacture has redesigned the product, addressed the flaws and sent me this for review.

Here is what is most important. I AM NOT AN ENGINEER. Nope, I'm just another guy who does bondage and wants a safe, reliable piece of hardware. This review is not a paid endorsement, rather I took the approach and asked myself "what would I like to know before making a purchase?". So I took a page from the various tech blogs and did had the manufacture send me a unit, same one that would be shipped to you. We fired up the camera and tore into the unit to see what we could find.

So there you have it, almost 13 months later. It is my firmest desire that you, the consumer, get as much information as possible so you can make the best choices.

My final take? With some modification AND understanding the limits of the product I have chosen to add this truss to my arsenal of hardware.

Remember, suspension bondage is dangerous and potentially life threatening. No hardware is 100% fool proof. Always check your gear, use only the best quality equipment and GET PROPER TRAINING before attempting.

2010-11-25T13:18:00.000-08:00

SEAF Performance, PT2
Once again I want to say thank you to the amazing Ms. Shanghai Pearl. She took a serious beating in this show, between the harness, her costume and me carting her about, yet still she made it all look so beautiful.

SEAF 2011 Performance Pt2 from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2010-11-19T02:40:00.000-08:00

Better late than never
Hello again, gentle readers, I have not forgotten you. Rather, I've been up to my ass making rope and trying to spend as much time as I can muster on stage. Last year you will recall that I was asked to take part in the Seattle Erotic Art Festival as a "Bondage Consultant" and ended up as part of the stage show. Now I can make like this was a huge and terrible thing, but really I loved every minute of it. Getting to share a stage with some of the city's finest cabaret talent was a serious honor.

After many months I've finally gotten my video guy to pull down some clips from the show. He has been a tad distracted with his day job as of late (if you like your kinect, you should say thank you now) and here we are with the first of 3 segments from the show featuring me, the AMAZING Ms. Shanghai Pearl and of course, lots of rope.

Enjoy

SEAF 2011 Performance. PT1 from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2010-09-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hair Today, finished.

It is true, what I said earlier about not wanting to move when being shaved with a straight razor. No sooner do I begin to take the lather from the bone china shaving cup and begin to lather her thighs, she freezes in place. Not a freeze of fear, well maybe a little, but more calming as the bristles of my shaving brush float across the summit of her shin bones. Of course, a boars' hair bristle brush against her legs will illicit a giggle. Said giggle is quickly replaced with a sudden gasp as I place the blade of my razor against her skin and draw it, slowly, along the length of her long, firm legs.

The first thing I fell in love with about shaving with a straight razor? The sound the blade makes as it makes its way across taught skin. Press too hard and you can slice clean to the bone. Too Soft and your blade slips ineffectively past your target. Rather, there is a sweet spot, where your blade rests at the proper angle against the skin and the tension in your hand is firm, yet graceful. The sound of the blade as it effortlessly removes anything in it's path is a humming to the harmony of each strand of hair it removes. You will hear when you have your stroke down before you can see it.

Legs smooth and shimmering, I move to the nest under her arms. Her jaw clinches and I can see the outline of her jugular vein begin to throb as I prepare the area. The curve and shape of the armpit requires me to draw in close, inches from her skin I can smell the mix of sweat and shaving soap on her skin as, with a few percise strokes of the blade render her bare. Sweat forms between her breasts and gathers down the line of her flat stomach, pooling in ht well of her navel. All the while she remains, motionless, save for the rise and fall of her stomach as she breathes deep.

Stepping back to admire my work, I can't help but grin my huge, lopsided grin. Wiping the mixure of sweat, lather and hair from my hands and blade, I ask "ready for the main event?"
With out saying a word, she opens her legs to me. Exposing her most intimate self, a thick curly nest of fragrant black curls, hair that run in a thin line from her navel to a rich, sweet expanse of damp coils that almost, but not quite, hide her deep pink sex.

Soon, this too will be laid bare to me, exposed by my blade.

Making small circlies with my shaving brush, a small moan escapes her lips as I follow the whisper thin trail of hair on her taught tummy and work my way down. Where the thick lather of my shaving soap ends and the desire begins is lost as I carefully spread her skin flt and begin with my blade.

In this moment, my focus is complete, inches from her sex, one hand resting on her body while the other holds my blade like a concert violinist would hold his bow. Fingers firm, locked on the handle less it slips from the steamy damp, consciously relaxing the rest of my arm so that my movements are fluid, percise and free of any nervous energy. Here, shining blade mere milimiters from her clit, a nervous twitch or a moment's hesitation could spell disaster. Here I am so close to her body, here all mystery is stripped away as I pull apart her folds in order to gently take those few wisps of hair from inside her.

Stroke by stroke the thick sweet smelling curls are replaced with pale, sensitive skin. She gasps as I run my sticky fingertips along the now bare crest of her pelvis to inspect my work.

"Almost done," I tell her, "turn over please."
"Why?" she asks nervously then eyes growing wide with fear as she realizes what is next.
"just one small bit let"

Knees tucked under her body, she bends and offers herself up to me once again. This time it is her ass, soft and round that is exposed to me. Once again, I have to smile and do a little dance of evil glee at the sheer beauty of the site.

While I am not a fan of breath control play, I know I best work fast save that she pass out from holding her breath as my blade makes those few last strokes along the inner curves of her ass and thighs. Ok, maybe I linger just a wee bit longer than needed, but what sort of sadist would I be if I didn't enjoy the moment?

Done, she collapses on the table. Heaving for air and coverd in a mix of sweat, shave soap and fragments of hair.
"ya know," I say opening a Mexican beer, "the best way to get all that off is nice, warm shower..."

2010-09-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Now I've said it before on many occasions here on this blog, I've got a soft spot in my kinky heart for a woman's pubic hair. While not a deal breaker or must have by any stretch of the imagination, rather I just get a secret (or not so secret) smile when I discover a woman who chooses not to follow the fashion of the day. As an aside, I would pin the blame for this particular kink of mine on this woman, but that is a tale for another day.

No, today's story is all about the possession of body hair... and the removal of it at the edge of a straight razor.

"The black one", she says with a sigh, "the one you use every day"
She points to the row of razors, laid in single file before her, their blades gleaming with the promise of danger. Each blade has a story, a history to me. She listens wide eyed as I pick each one up, caress it like a lover, and share the blade's story.

"this one, this one I named Klaus", rolling the handle so that the dull gray of the blade explodes in the light before her, "hand made in Berlin before the war. Found it in a roadside antique store. This", picking up a simple black handled blade," this was given to me by a 70's porn goddess. She used it in a film that once scandalized the audiences of grind house theaters across the country. Took me months to return the blade to perfection. And this", pointing to a pearl and mahogany handle of another, " was a gift and may only be used on the skin of the woman who gave it to me..."

She is naked and the room is *just* cool enough to see the landscape of her skin explode in goose flesh. Maybe it is the temperature, or perhaps not, either way I can't help but smile at the way the hairs along her inner calf bristle and rise in anticipation of what comes next.

Tonight, tonight that hair will be mine. All of it.

Yes, unlike previous times when I have been so honored to have a woman offer me the hair between her legs, tonight I am being given a truly special and rare gift.

She is one of those funky neo hipster types. The kinda girl who only shops at second hand stores or street fairs and sports a look that is both chic and self assured. Lithe and tone, her dancer's body is before me. Tufts of thick, curly dark hair peek out from under her harms. The a gift on Christmas morning, a tiny red bow is tied into the thick curls of her pubic mound.

Next comes the strop, I run the blade along the long strip of leather in slow, even strokes. This is not so much to sharpen the blade, as that has been done with painstaking detail already, no this is more to prepare the blade and align the microscopic particles of metal along the razor's sharp edge so that there is nothing but pure, single minded, sharpened steel. All fixed upon one tasks.

As she lays back on the bondage table, trying to relax, she asks if I am going to restrain her... open.
"Oh no..." I say with a wicked laugh, "I assure you, you will be very motivated to stay very, very still for me"

Dammit, I've rambled too long and there are rope orders that must go out today. I'll pick this tale up again tomorrow.

2010-09-01T13:49:00.000-07:00

Not your typical reader photo!

I love hearing from our customers, Twistedmonk customers are some of the coolest in the world and they continue to amaze me by sharing photos and stories of how our rope has changed their lives. This just came in from a long time customer and friend. It was too cool not to share.

"So during labor it's a good trick to 'tie up' the belly so that you are holding the baby closer to your spine and therefore gravity works more effectively. Normally this is just done using a strip of material. I informed my doula I could do a better job. And it just so happens I was wearing one of your shirts because it was fabulous as maternity wear. So here you go. :)"

Do you have a rope memory that you wish to share? Email them to monk@twistedmonk.com

2010-08-23T13:10:00.001-07:00

Letters to Monk, Practicing Solo

Monk - I've been following you on twitter and watched most of your vids, so thank you for being such an inspiration!

My question is tied to my circumstances, but it boils down to, how is it possible for a person to start practicing ties and knots *without a partner*?

Yes, the knee-jerk reaction is "find someone to play with!" and thanks, I've read that in every forum I've searched. But sometimes that is not an option, to wit: I live in a small Southern town with no real "scene" to speak of (I know what scene there is here, all three of them); I'm a grad student on a very tight budget, so I can't afford to travel much less pay for shibari clinics/training; I'm recently divorced and very much NOT into developing sexual/romantic relationships with anyone right now. Heck, I barely have time for my friends.

I'm also a bit of a control freak (yes, really) and I don't want to worry about my partner's situation during play while I'm trying to figure out a damn knot.

I've thought about mannequin torsos, life-size rag dolls (not that I've found any), practicing with thin rope on teddy bears...seriously, I've considered options. But surely I'm not the only person in this situation? If you have any advice particular to this, I'd love to hear it. Thank you!

I remember my friend Sam used to practice her ties on the back of a wooden chair. She would joke “If I can top a chair, someday I might be able to work up to a person!”

In all seriousness, this is a common question even for those who have a regular practice partner. Everyone needs to learn the basics, those fumbling first ties can be intimidating and even with your regular lover, who wants to worry about the whole “bunny goes out of the hole, around the tree” thing? No way, you want to do the fun stuff. I’ve seen many a scene become mired and stall due to the top becoming obsessed with the technical and forgetting that there is a living, loving human they are supposed to be interacting with thru the rope.

Here is what I did. Vending at classes and conventions means lots and lots of down time behind the table waiting for classes or end/ vending hours to start / etc. In those days I would pass the time practicing my single and double column ties on my legs. Part of how I developed my own personal style of fast bondage was due to this practice. Over and over, tying the same thing till it was reduced to muscle memory and not something I had to “think” about.

I will pause here and caution, using your legs to practice ties on and “self bondage” are very different things. I am not a fan of self bondage and would urge you to read up on the topic. Some very well informed people have made this argument far better than I.

As for mannequins, rag dolls and stuffed animals? I’ve heard of folks using these methods too. In the end, it is all about rope on the body. Substitutes will help you gain the confidence in your technical ability, but in the end you will want to put that rope to good use on a person.

2010-08-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

Why does Monk have a bruise in the perfect shape on @dynamicload's boot in the center of his chest?

No, no I have not adopted a new fetish for being trampled... although it has been too long since I had a good, old fashioned ass kicking, but I digress. No, the bruises were courtesy of my pal Sophia. We make cool bondage art together, remember SEAF? Since then we have been experimenting with more and more dynamic bondage. Both experienced riggers, the focus is less on how is the "top" vs. "bottom" and more on how can we fuse our mutual love of movement and our love of rope to do something that is more like a dance than a suspension scene.

This took shape that afternoon, it was a sort of "Hey, what would happen if we both put on hip harnesses and tried to dance?

Keep in mind kids before you attempt this at home. We are both very experienced riggers and very in touch with what our bodies can and cant do. Suspension bondage it dangerous, add dynamic movement and positions that draw core strength the potential for injury is huge.

2010-08-12T14:46:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my Grandfather's birthday. I wrote this blog post about him and our shared birthdays back in 2004. It stands as one of my favorite stories and still makes me tear up.
The Year I Turned 12, Twice

Today, 6 years after first posting this tale, I still miss that old cuss. He never got to meet Tambo or Matisse. Of all my family, I think he would have been the only one who "got" what it is I have done with my life, my loves and my future.

Our family was not wealthy, in fact we were much the opposite. Of my grandfather I only have his hunting rifle, that deck of cards and my memories.

2010-08-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

There is a fresh podcast, courtesy of my ever awesome lover Mistress Matisse. She doles out wisdom while I make silly voices and keep her well stocked in diet Mountain Dew. Enjoy!

2010-08-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is what 40 looks like. Long way from Monk at 30, huh? A lot has changed in those 10 years, makes me look forward to seeing what the next 10 will hold.

2010-08-09T11:43:00.001-07:00

Little Red Studio Performance: Jul.23.10
One of the things I love about working with the folks at the Little Red Studio in Seattle is the flexibility and creativity they grant me when I perform. I can come in, armed with an idea, a bottom and they tell me "take 15 minutes, open the show, have fun."

These are from an areal dance piece that I've been playing with.

This is Firebug, until this show she had NEVER been in they air with me before. This act was built the afternoon of the show.

Of course, the required "menacing rope top", I'm really enjoying the rigging in a mask look. Felt like some kind of comic book villain.

She looked like she was having too much fun to not join her.

And no performance is complete with out Monk's signature, "carry her off in the ropes" finish.

All photos by Charlie Noble, thanks again to Firebug and to LRS for hosting.

2010-08-06T11:04:00.000-07:00

The Mexican Beer Story

I got a ton of requests last week after my last video post to explain why getting Mexican beer made me laugh like a psychotic loon. In this video I do my best to retell the story, of course this was after having a few said beers. Please exuse the video/audio quality as I was attempting an experiment. Shooting a clip at the cafe where I and my charming lunch companion were spending a long afternoon being. Well being naughty, I'll leave it at that.

Monk's Video Blog: The Mexican Beer Story from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2010-07-28T14:18:00.000-07:00

Fun lil video post!
I've often said that anytime a bottom gives their top a gift, particularly a toy of some kind, it is implied that this is a request to have said object used on them in the near future. In this clip I open up a small care package and discuss just what all the items *might* be used for.

Untitled from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2010-07-15T07:25:00.000-07:00

Color of the Month: "WinterFetish Blue"

Our good friends at WinterFetish.Com have selected this month’s shade. A pale cobalt blue, think a well faded pair of Levis or for you color nerds, a Pantone 308C. Of course this is our *target* color, variations in water temp, salt saturation, and music played at the time of dying will all impact the outcome of the final shade.

We only have a very limited quantity and when it is gone, it will be gone for good.

2010-07-13T12:27:00.001-07:00

Color of the Month, Presale. WinterFetish blue

Historically, when we produce a new shade for our Color of the Month series, production usually looks something like this.

Step 1. Monk picks out a shade, usually a new color he wants to experiment with or something that strikes his fancy for whatever reason. (Having long given up trying to understand how he thinks, the rest of the crew has learned to just roll with it)

Step 2. We cook up as much of the shade as possible in a single dye run.

Step 3. Once the rope is dry enough to oil we take a look at the completed shade, photograph it, and post it for sale.

Step 4. Soon as the color is posted, the phone rings off the hook and we sell out of stock. Current record is 2000 ft in 7 minutes.

Step 5. Everyone who missed out on getting the shade sends me hate mail.

This time we are going to try something different.

Our good friends at fetishwear.net have selected this month’s shade. A pale cobalt blue, think a well faded pair of Levis or for you color nerds, a Pantone 308C. Of course this is our *target* color, variations in water temp, salt saturation, and music played at the time of dying will all impact the outcome of the final shade. Hence our announcing and photographing the shade AFTER it is dry and the final color is reveled.

For those of you, who want to place your order now, are guaranteed to get your order filled, as we will allocate your order before the color is made. For the rest of you who want to wait to see the final shade, we will post the photo when it is ready and then it is first come first served as normal.

2010-06-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

Immoral Support

My darling Mistress Matisse finally sat down with Dr. Dick to record a podcast! I tagged along to provide (im)moral support and the occasional (off) color commentary. As usual, when Matisse and I get going, things can get a touch... racy. Poor Dr. Dick, he tries his best to keep things on track when we get going, but I do not think I've ever seen a grown man blush *so* much.

Hear the podcast here. So, so not work safe.

2010-06-24T15:35:00.000-07:00

The rope, she sings to me.

"I just don't understand the appeal of it," he said to me as his powerful shoulders echo the confused scrunch of his brow, "the whole ascetic, I just does not sing to me..."

I hear those words, spoken to me at a party recently, and they just make me confused.
Confused, yes. Why you ask? Because his words are right now getting drown out by the siren's call of the rope to me. I handle the stuff all day, my hands scared and stained from the caress of raw hemp, but still the rope sings to me. Calling to me like a warm lover, still in bed, on one of those golden Sunday mornings that seem to last forever.
Right now its song is one of longing, to come play. No performances, no demonstrations, just to put rope in hand and follow the curves of a warm body. No destination, save the exhausted sighs of release when finished. The rope knows where to go, my hands just need to follow it's song... wrap after wrap against skin. Till that song is drown out by the rush of blood in my ears.
I love my toys, my sharp steel razors, wicked single tails and other devious devices. Alas, these are just tools, extensions of my skills and hands. I enjoy them, they bring me great pleasure, but they in the end are just tools, objects to be cleaned, sharpened, and stored for another day.
My rope? My rope is my lover, my sex, my ego and frailty all tightly woven into thick, soft coils... longing to be unfurled and run along skin.
I must answer the siren's call, soon.

2010-06-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Quick and Dirty Podcast Action

My darling lover, Matisse, just posted another one of our "quick and dirty" podcasts. While not up the the polished audio quality of our studio recorded stuff, these make for a fun listen. Recorded in the moment as we were conversing on the topic of fashion.
Yes, fashion.
I know, normally I look like a jack booted thug in my cycle gear and Abbey clothes, but I have developed quite the fetish for dressing up. Perhaps it is the fact that I don't *have* to dress up for my job that makes it all the more fun? Or better yet, there is nothing more sexy than knowing you are a bad ass AND you don't have to wear leathers everywhere to prove it.
About 10 min long and mostly work safe.

2010-05-26T15:57:00.000-07:00

Performance Video: Tryst @ LRS 5/10

Live Performance "Tryst @ Little Red Studio 05/2010" from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

In case you missed the last Tryst night at The Little Red Studio, here is what you missed.

For extra credit, can you name the video game that my costume was an homage to?

2010-05-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

"My Life As A Unicorn"
From Sexworker Literati in NYC, December 2009.

2010-05-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

It dawned on me this morning as I was shaving at the gym some things are too cool to be lost to the sands of time and the march of technology. The sound a straight razor makes as it slides, blade bright and wet, across skin. The sense of satisfaction as my motorcycle roars to life when I use the old school kick starter. The joy in mixing a cocktail that has been forgotten, tasting the pleasure of using just the right, hard to find ingredients as opposed to taking the easy route and opting for something premixed or "simple"

Funny, I'm all for technology and progress. Hell, I'm doing this update via my phone. A phone that is packing more tech in its tiny plastic shell than we used to land on the moon.

The faster our lives become and more prepackaged life gets, the more we need to slow down, embrace lost things and enjoy the retro.

Let's face it, things are "classic" for a reason.

2010-05-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

So I totally yanked this image from Facebook... but I just liked it too much.

While I should go on about the inverted ebi tie I did or how amazed both I, and the crowd were too, by the ease with which she, a self confessed rope virgin, took to this very tough and very physically strenuous tie. Nope, what I like is image is the moment she and her fiance, on the right, are sharing here. Part fascination, part admiration, and lots of love.

Rope is all about connection, connection between bodies, between players and, like in this shot, connection between performer and audience.

2010-05-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Hanky Codes, a field guide

Footage from IMsl 2010, the folks at Carnal Nation tell me that my official "coverage" videos will go live as soon as I can come up with a good name for my regular feature on their site. I guess "Roving Trouble Maker" is not going to cut it. :)

Question is, can you spot me in this sea of hanky clad asses?

2010-05-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

A late nite movie recomendation
Hulu - The Auteur - Watch the full feature film now.

Video description: A sweet comedy about the world's greatest living porn director.

I found this little indie gem on Hulu the other day while sick, now in addition to reaffirming that Portland is just about the most awesome city for micro film making, it was just sweet and very fun to watch.

I've always liked the business of porn, the way the medium has both reflected pop culture as well as how it has pushed both technology and free speech in ways not many realize but benefit from every day. As of late I've had the pleasure of getting to know some of the early pioneers of the medium, from starlets of the "golden age" to just tonight meeting one of the originators of the whole "Boy Bondage Porn Films".

We are so overwhelmed with the stuff today that it is hard to imagine a world when this was underground, illegal and well dangerous. Not sure where I am going with this post, just that there is more history here than just the sex we see on the screen, there are lives and loves. People who created things that, to some, made them heroes while to others a social pariah.

Anyways, hope you enjoy the film. I think it was just a tad brilliant.

2010-04-30T11:11:00.001-07:00

What the hell has Monk been up to now?

No, no this is not me doing a live action version of Bioshock 2. Rather, this is me being a cabaret performer at this year's Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. Now I gotta admit this is a bit of a stretch for me. I was originally hired to be just a "bondage consultant" and ended up as a cast member. I'm doing less rigging and more "theater" type stuff. Stuff I have not done in... oh lets say 25 years? Back when I was doing Cole Porter musicals in high school.

The process has been a stretch for me, I think I have grown used to letting the rope take center stage and respond to the person being tied, rather than being an actor in a role. This week, the long rehearsals, the last minute changes and exhausting stress has sucked, hard. Thankfully I'm part of a really talented cast who are all super supportive and really amazing to watch. I almost missed a cue last night due to being distracted by the other stage acts.

Its funny, I've always believed that in order to grow and thrive in life that you must constantly do something that makes you uncomfortable. Staying in your "safe place" leads to stagnation and unhappiness. Normally I would think of myself doing something crazy like racing an antique motorcycle across Russia or starting a bondage rope company as things like that, but getting on stage and dancing?... Oh kids, edge play for me.

Yes, even the larger than life showman in me gets nervous on stage still :)

2010-04-06T15:25:00.001-07:00

Look at me, ma! I'm all "high-brow" and crap!

Let me begin by saying I am not a "writer", nope not by any stretch of the imagination. A writer is someone who has both something to say as well as the skill to deliver said message with grace and deft turn of phrase. My darling lover, Matisse is a writer, a damn fantastic one in fact and I'm rather envious of her ability to consistently deliver a high quality blog and column on a regular basis.
Me? I'm an entertainer, a story teller, in another life I was probably a bard. Telling my tales in some mid-evil Inn to half drunken travelers en-route to a lost city or holy crusade. When I sit down to write here, my goal when I put words to paper is to illicit a laugh. Add some good, old fashioned physical comedy into the mix and I'm in heaven. Now if you actually *learn* something or, heaven help you, you find what I say insightful?

Bonus.

Left to my own devices I'd probably resort to what Monty Python's Eric Idle calls "the two oldest, most universal forms of humor", The fart joke and dressing up in drag."

Now how the hell I ended up sharing a stage at the In the Flesh Reading last month, with some very talented "writers", we are talking folks who have books published and such, is beyond me. Somebody somewhere convinced the host, Rachel Kramer Bussel that I had something worthwhile to tell (lord knows she won't make that mistake again). But I was there, wearing pants even, and true to form, I had one goal in mind. Make em laugh and leave em wanting more.

That was two goals wasn't it? I was never good at math, probably why I ended up getting a degree in propaganda... but I digress.

The story I am reading is taken from one of my all time favorite blog posts, one that while funny in text, I have always thought would be best if done live.

So here is it, me doing "The Perils of Penetration" live.

Who knows, maybe there is a future show here? Me drinking and ranting for 60 minutes about scrotum slapping and bacon... hmmm?

2010-04-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

Oh so very not safe for work!
But worth the wait, that is for sure. Hello again, loyal blog readers, Monk here with another bit of fleshy goodness for all you perverts out there. Last week it was my distinct pleasure to be invited by Madison Young to perform at The Art of Restraint.

Now here is where things get... interesting... until the evening of the performance I'd never even been inside Madison's gallery, Femina Potents, I know what you are thinking. A hard point is a hard point, right? Thing is, when I got there I was informed that there was no real "hard point" to work off of. Rather a huge pole in the center of the room with mounts at the top. Next issue, my model, Calico Lane, yeah I'd worked with her once... and by work I mean we spent an afternoon rolling around with rope and laughing. Ever the pro, when I informed Calico of the challenges facing our performance, that we had yet to rehearse or even really plan, she gave me a smile and said those words that make rope tops shiver and sweat in terror at the same time, "I trust you, it you will make it look awesome"

Twisted Monk at Art of Restraint 3/27 from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

While my ego would like to take credit for pulling off a nice performance, I think it was Calico who stole the show. Just before I pulled her into the air, I whispered in her ear "if you feel the harness start to slip at all, just wrap your legs around the pole" The rest was just... well the rest was just perfect.

2010-03-25T10:37:00.000-07:00

"Dude, what in the hell are you thinking?!"

That is what normally goes through my brain first when I find myself in situations like this. Me, half naked, dressed in frilly girl panties and a camisole, as I strut across an abandoned NYC alley on a sunny Saturday morning. A few tourists cast quick, confused glances before speeding up their pace and the one cop I saw looked once, shrugged and went back to drinking his coffee as the photographer kept snapping away.

Yep, just another day in the big city.

So you, and most sane people, are asking me. Just what the hell prompted me to do drag in NYC? Some statement about gender? Maybe the tiara is a subtle slam on European pseudo royalty? Nope, nothing that well planned out really. Truth be told this whole idea was hatched, as many of my best ones are often, after a couple of very strong Manhattans and in the company of a pretty girl.

Why not make a photo that is just a polar opposite of the whole "well dressed male courtesan Monk"?

Something so ironic that it ends up being more than just a "ha, ha big straight guy in drag". I mean, fem drag is so not my kink. I've said before, gender bending ala Tim Curry in Rocky Horror? Hawt. Me in full drag? Nope, I just can't get into looking like a bearded Mrs. Doubtfire.

I am still sifting through proofs to find the ultimate gender-bender shot that sums up the masculine joy I had that morning, swaggering along with a cigar in one hand as I polished off a bottle of cheap bourbon.

Stay tuned.

*all shots by the awesome Eleizabeth Raab. If you are in NYC you should check her out.

2010-03-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

Miss me?
Been a crazy, busy couple of weeked. What with travel and taxes, also I think they "a" key on my lptop keyboard is fried, making blogging a tad more interesting than I enjoy. *And by interesting I mean annoying as fuck!
But fear not, I have not been sitting idle. Nope, thanks to the power that is Matisse (and for those who have seen her in a slinky dress will tell you, that is a pretty powerful thing) I bring you another one of our podcasts.

Be warned, this podcast contains poetry, William Shatner impersonations AND a pokemon reference too.

2010-03-04T13:41:00.000-08:00

Rope tops, an experiment for you to try

Ok rope tops, I have a challenge for you. Go grab your favorite rope bottom, a hunk of your favorite rope, and practice doing a basic chest harness like the one I demo here.

Got it? What was it like" Ask your bottom how she felt about the experience.

Now try this, take a caribeiner (or short hunk of rope) and loop one end though the back belt loop of your bottom and the other through the front of yours. You should now be tethered about 4-6 inches from your partner.

Tie the harness again.

What changed? While the most obvious observation will be that tethered like this you have less room to move and navigate around the bottom. This may seem frustrating, however ask the bottom what changed for her (or him) I think you will be surpized.

Rope is all about connection, the strands of hemp are an extension of your want for the other, wrapping them, protecting, taking them on a trip with you.

2010-03-02T14:32:00.000-08:00

Ever wake up hungry?

That gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach for something more than food. Like an itch you just cant seem to scratch, that need to sink your claws into the tender, warm skin of someone. Maybe it is just me, but play is not a "cerebral" thing for me. An event you can intellectualize and examine under a microscope, but rather a visceral, animal experience for me. So it seems that when the hunger comes it too is like that, not a "gee, I think I'd like to do some rope bondage this week, let me check my schedule" but more like a bristling energy just beneath my skin, like the cursed man just as he catches the first glimpse of the full moon... knowing the beast will soon come.

Most days, the hunger is like a low level static, always there. Often spiking when in the presence of one who draws it out. Could be a look or the way they smell, or perhaps it is the presence of their own inner beast, no matter. Most days I can keep it in check and tap into it when the time is right. However this last week, this last week is different. It distracts me, I've sat down and discarded a dozen blog posts, left emails unanswered and paced countless steps cross my office floor... distracted by the thunder of my heartbeat in my ears. The buzz now a constant, guttural growl lurking just behind my eyes. That involuntary flexing of my claws of no reason other than it feels good when the muscles in my forearms are drawn taught.

It is not for lack of trying, this persistent hunger, seems my time in the dungeon, while satisfying in the moment, only leaves me hungrier.

My beast needs to feed, soon

2010-02-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

Been light on the posts this week, sorry. Between dealing with the sickies and having most of my crew either out sick or on the road it has not been a very creative week for the Monk. Thankfully the twitter feed can at least keep the rumors that I am dead to a minimum.

2010-02-19T19:02:00.000-08:00

New Video Rant!

I recorded this late last night, but held onto it till today, just to make sure that in the cold light of day I wasn't being too harsh to those who insist on buying fetish gear at the mall.

Monk's Video Rant, 2/18/10 The SM toy that needs to be banned from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2010-02-17T12:32:00.000-08:00

My latest fantasy

I blame Matisse’s mother for this post.

It all started innocently enough. She, like most moms, wanted to include me as part of her Christmas. What to give the guy your daughter calls her “non-domestic partner” (or was that “non domesticated”?) Well knowing my penchant for motorcycles, or more my talent for falling off of them, and that anyone who dates her book crazy daughter must also enjoy them, or fake it very well, she sent me this book.

So, what the hell does book about motorcycle touring by an old guy have to do with Monk’s fantasy life?

Lots actually.

For anyone who has spent a long summer afternoon exploring the road less traveled in the saddle of a motorcycle knows, there is no better way to tour. This author captures the feeling perfectly, in another life he would be writing blog about his adventures on remote, winding roads and his love affair with the various machines that transport him to such places. This, this has always resonated with me. The desire to hop on my bike, loaded up with just enough to keep me from dying of exposure, and picking a direction. Having long traded out the “rocket sled” fast bikes of my youth for a bike that tops out at 55mph and can be rebuilt roadside with a pair of pliers and stout rock, I’ve taken to the back roads often over the years.

Now perhaps it is reading this collection of tales or perhaps it is that as the temperature is finally reaching a point where I can ride and not worry about my fingers going numb on the controls, but oh that spark of wanderlust is there. Not just to take my vintage Ural, Boris, and tear off into the local countryside. Nope, that lust has taken a turn for the exotic.

To throw a leg over one of Boris’ distant cousins* and roar along the Great Wall, or perhaps the Silk Road or across the remains of some former Eastern Block countryside. To climb off, dusty and sore, in the town square of some unpronounceable village and wander into the closest bar for a much deserved drink of whatever the locals are enjoying.

Yeah, that is my new fantasy. What can I say, I'm kinky like that.

*The Ural motorcycle is based off the BMW boxer twin engine. Considered by most to be the most popular motorcycle engine every designed with an estimated 3.5 million of them on the planet between the original BMW and other countless “clones” produced by the USSR, China and others over the course of the cold war.

2010-02-16T10:29:00.000-08:00

Hot Rope Bondage Anyone?

A couple if sexy shots from the GoBackToBed.Com launch party last week.

Even in a dirty, former paint factory when it is so cold that you can see your breath and yours truly had to worry about getting hypothermia as the night went on, still good fashion MUST be observed. Love the perspective on this shot.

And of course, my killer second in command Intl. Ms Leather 2009 Lamalani (@IMsL2009 on twitter, go follow her!)Throwing rope on Ms. Polly Wood.

Thanks again to the awesome Seven of Eros for helping make this happen.

2010-02-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

An Apology, of sorts.

I get asked to make a lot of public appearances, most I have to turn down due to reasons of time, distance or cost. Add to this also having a very high profile partner, Matisse, and it seems like every week we are playing the "did person X contact you about event Y?" game. I know, I know woe is me, I'm popular a have a beautiful partner who is high demand... no this is not the point I am trying to make. All I want to say here is that it seems like we are always getting approached for something, like I said many I have to, regretebly, say no to.

And then there is what happened to me few weeks back. My darling Matisse tells me that she was approached by a theater production asking her to be a "guest expert" for an upcoming series of performances. The topic? Pegging. Frankly I could not think of anyone better to talk on the subject, she is a walking wikipedia on the topic and has probably more hours of time in a strap on harness than anyone else in the city. There was to be one slight added wrinkle to this event, they also wanted me to be on the panel. Seems they saw me read at Sex Worker Literati back in November and it left quite the impression.

Me? Yer kidding right?

Sure I, like most straight guys, have some positive things to say about the topic, but an expert on the topic? Hardly. Besides, how would this look? The big, bad wolf Twisted Monk, quasi-famous top and consort admitting in public and talking openly about getting ass fucked by a strap on?

That will not fly well with the fan base...

Or so I thought. (Remember, I am also the guy who when no men were brave enough to step up to be a demo boy for the CBT section of the bondage class, I just opened my fly and used my own hardware.) Hesitantly I agreed, thinking that this if nothing else would make for good blog fodder and well... I'm pretty much a push over anytime she does what I call the "happy sadist dance". I figured I'd take the "Yeah, you can be a big straight guy and like this. It won't make you any less of a bad ass" stand and generally be there to play off Matisse's humor and support her as she shares her hard earned insights on the topic. I'd make sure I twittered a bit on the topic and the show, but not too much. Did not want ya all to think I was too exited about it... cuz that might make me less of a big ol' straight top, ya know.

Thing is, I really enjoyed the show. I've seen (and done) a lot of "indie theater" and know that most of it can be boring, pretentious and a platform for some self absorbed ass hat to unload on an unsuspecting audience things that would be better left in a therapist's office. Instead what I saw was a sweet, insightful and very honest performance about a topic that even I, the experienced sexual outlaw, still have a slight pause talking about in public. Best of all, it was funny, like bust a gut, laugh out loud funny. The moments of raw, genuine honesty about a very taboo and sometimes confusing sexual desire really work, offset that with silly humor and it is a winning combination.

Here is where the apology comes in.

To you, dear reader. Do yourself a favor, go take your significant other(s) and go see this show. It runs for 3 more nights here in Seattle. Matisse and I will be there again tonight to host the post show discussion and if that is not enough reason to go, tonight is also "pay what you can" night. Don't let your (or my) social hang ups around something that, in the end (ha-ha), brings happiness.

Here is the trailer:

For theater info click here.

2010-02-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

Seattle Riggers, I Need Your Help!
Galen, creator of the Tettruss2 will be in Seattle this weekend at the CSPC "Bondage is the Point" party this Sunday. He has the updated truss and is looking to us, the famous Seattle rope community for feedback on how the updated truss handles and what else needs to be done in order to create a product worthy of our trust.

To his credit, Galen has taken the truss failure in Vegas to heart and is working hard to fix the design issues with the original model. Taking my feedback he has updated, improved and corrected the design. Now I ask you, my fellow rope nerd, come out on Sunday. Meet the creator, kick the tires, ask questions and most of all provide feedback so that we all get a high quality portable and SAFE bondage truss.

2010-02-04T11:43:00.000-08:00

New Video Rant: Amateur Porn, some ground rules please?

Monk's Video Rant 02/04/10: Homemade Porn Blunders from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

This will probably net me some hate mail, but after years of enjoying amateur porn I think it is high time we establish a few "ground rules"

2010-02-03T10:11:00.000-08:00

Hey Sexy Seattle Peeps, What Ya Doing This Saturday Night?

I've been hired to perform and provide "eye candy" for this event. The location is a sweet industrial loft in the shadow of the West Seattle Bridge, the event organizers told me to, "Spread the word and invite some friends..."

From the party invite:

Go Back To Bed plot summary:

Two middle aged, HOT women, searching for their place in the world, fall into the online adult sex toy industry. They soon rise to the top with a booming website and blog and change their boring everyday housewife names to "Sex Kitty " and " Miss September ".

The fast-paced blogging lifestyle of their new found career causes sexual satisfaction at home and soon they are smitten with the intensity of fame and attention they receive as the current hip and playful MOTHERS of the adult sex accoutrement market.

They get hooked on toy reviews, which is very prevalent in the adult toy industry, and find their star status slipping away. In a silicone induced state, these two minx get involved with a rockin' band, some bodacious bartenders, and fantastic warehouse owners. Being famous does have its power. Their gizmo-ridden detour results in an epic launch party celebration, while " Miss September" & "Sex Kitty" retain their day jobs as wholesome mothers and dutiful wives.

Having paid their dues, " Sex Kitty " and " Miss September" rock the adult novelty world and resume their place, not as the " fresh meat" on the market , but as seasoned veterans who still have what it takes. And do they ever!

Please join us for a sexy celebration launch of our company
Go Back To Bed

www.gobacktobed.com

Live music by Reckon Yard

Liberal Libations, and Flirtatious Treats.

Due to the size of guest list, please bring a bottle of celebration liquor to share with the bar.

Bartenders will be happy to mix concoctions throughout the evening.

Prepare for a naughty evening of delight.

Dress sexy. We will.

RSVP to info@gobacktobed.com no later than January 31st. Please feel free to invite friends.

For more info here is the website.

I'll be rigging and performing most of the night, come by and say hi... or better yet bring me drinks :)

2010-01-23T12:34:00.000-08:00

Midori / AIDS Lifecycle Color of the Month, thank you!

A huge, huge thank you to everyone who participated in this rope event. In addition to getting some great, one of a kind rope, you are also helping a great cause. For those of you who did not manage to place your orders in before we sold out, I am very sorry. Some colors sell faster than other, this color sold out in less than 14 minutes. These custom color runs are always very popular and there is no way we can meet all the demand. If you still want to make a difference, I would encourage you to go donate to Midori’s ALC fund via her ALC webpage. Also, for those of you attending the big Bang 4 The Buck party on the 30th, Midori will have a color of the month rope kit available for auction as well.

2010-01-22T12:11:00.000-08:00

Answering a product question for a friend.

My pal Vera over at foryournymphomation.com tweeted me this question:
Actual customer email: "How many feet of rope can I fit inside Adult Toychest? Cause I gotta do a lot of tying." @twistedmonk, can you help?

As most rope fans will tell you, the stuff is heavy and finding a good rope bag is always a challenge. I've tried a number of transportation solutions in the past, from the giant duffel bag to the "kitty bag of doom" Lemme tell ya right now, nothing says "I'm a bad ass" like walking into a play space wheeling a bag of rope covered in brocade kittens!

For the Vegas trip, Vera hooked me up with one of her adult toy chest bags to see how it would fare against the "Monk Test" Now while I am still in the process of testing how well the bag will stand up to me, I can give some basic information about capacity.

In this shot I am packing
8MM "suspension kit" (400ft of thick, heavy 8MM rope)
120ft of 6MM rope
a small collection of 4MM/Silk and exotic rope
8 carbiners
1 small suspension ring w/ swivel
2 sets of shears
flash light
small first aid kit
2 canes
1 riding crop

I could have stuffed a bit more rope in the bag, or if I was working only in 6MM rope and not 8MM a probably a 600ft kit would fit easily.

Thus far the zippers held up as well as the shoulder strap from me lugging all over Vegas and the AVN showroom floor.

There ya go Vera, hope it helps.

2010-01-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

The big O
Now this had to be from one of the more interesting moments of the AVN show for me. One the main stage, porn diva (no, he is a guy so would that make him a "divo'?) Evan Stone was leading a fake orgasm contest. Soon as I heard it was going to happen I all but shoved my long suffering cameraman into the fray to catch it. Why? Two reasons, first off anything Evan Stone does is comic gold, check out the hilarious bit he recorded for us on the CarnalNation.Com site. The other would be my own voyeuristic kink in watching other people react to the spectacle that is porn.

So while my cameraman filmed from the front row, we sat back and watched the crowd as they reacted to the girls as they writhed and moaned on stage. Interesting observation, with out fail, every man watching began to lean in as the girls got going. Some kind of subconscious response to her cries of pleasure or the desire to leap in and get some?

Also, make a point to watch the entire video as the last contestant, a guy, STEALS the show. While riotously funny, I don't think you can see the crowd's response, but the guys are all simultaneously cheering for him and visibly off put too.

Post Script: When asked what I liked most about the AVN show, it would have to be this aspect. I've worked on both sides of the camera, as a consumer of pornography as well as a producer and at shows like this done both the buying and selling, however this was my first opportunity to be allowed on the sidelines to observe and report. To ask questions and report on what I saw. Perhaps it is just me doing amateur sociologist but after you go to enough of these sorts of events, the shock of seeing public nudity and such looses its impact and then you start seeing the meta show, all the various ways people are interacting around this taboo subject. For some, I am sure this made for some painfully boring footage, who wants to look at my big melon when there are so many nice tits to be filmed ;) For those of you who did enjoy it, thanks for all the positive comments and feedback. Who knows, maybe I'll get to play "special correspondent" again sometime.

2010-01-19T13:39:00.000-08:00

As Promised...

As promised, dear readers, a sneak peak at the next color of the month. As you may recall, this month's color is a benifit color with the profits going to support Midori and the AIDS/Lifecycle.

This is our ultra premium 4-strand, "Bavarian Blonde" hemp rope, now dyed a shocking, bright pink.

This color will go on sale Saturday, Jan 23 at noon (pst) The color of the month always sells out fast, but the Midori colors always sell even faster, hence me giving you all lots and lots a warning.

2010-01-13T10:35:00.000-08:00

Bad News San Diego

I've been pretty quiet as of late regarding the upcoming GRUE in San Diego... so here goes. I was very much looking forward to going to this event, reconnecting with old friends and meeting many new ones. The GRUE in Harford, CT was probably the most fun I have had at a kink conference in years. Add to this some really fun play dates lined up and some fun new toys to try out, this upcoming weekend was all about Monk having fun and being around fun, cool rope people all weekend.... however.
Due to a family crisis, I will (sadly) be unable to join you nice folks this weekend. Truth be told, I've been hoping this matter would have cleared it self up and I could still make it down to the event, but no such luck. Monk needs to tend to the home front this weekend and not enjoy the sun and fun that will be the SD GRUE.

For those of you going, I'm really sorry to have to deliver bad news at such a late notice, but you are going to have a great time with out me. One of the impressive aspects of a GRUE is that it is not about who is being imported for the event, but rather who is there and what they share at the moment. As for the rest of you who have yet to experience one of Graydancer's "un-conferences" do yourself a favor and check them out, he throws a fantastic event.

Stay sexy San Diego, I'll catch ya next time. Promise.

2010-01-11T10:40:00.000-08:00

Who needs to run away and join the circus when you got your own big top?!

I welcomed the rain with relish this morning as I made my way into the shop, thrilled at the prospect of getting my hands dirty again. Playing the roving reporter this last weekend with Tess and Diva was great fun, I'm very proud of the work we did for CarnalNation (be sure to check out the special coverage here and let them know you enjoyed watching the coverage!) and look forward to the next opportunity to work with them, however when it all said and done it all comes back to the rope.

Bundles and bundles of it, all made with love and pride, and shipped out to folks the world over.

It was not until I was just about home that it dawned on me that I spent 5 days on the Vegas strip and I never gambled once. Not even the nickle slots while waiting for a cab. Oh, don't get me wrong. I had a blast and there are a number of stories that I have to share, but is just a great feeling to come home to the arms of your loves, return to a job you love and to look forward to more adventures in your back yard.

Enough navel glazing for me, I've got rope to finish... what was that? Lunch at the taco truck? Oh it is good to be home :)

2010-01-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

Video Blog: When Bad Things Happen to Good Tops, or Critical Hardware Fail!

when bad things happen to good tops, or critical hardware failure recap from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

In this vblog I discuss a critical hardware failure that happened to me while testing out a new suspension frame at a public event in Vegas. While the bad news is that the hardware failed, spectacularly.

The good news is that nobody was hurt, save me getting clocked in the head. Since the failure, I've been in contact with the hardware maker and they have ceased production till the fault can be corrected and a new truss sent to me for retesting. (If Monk can't break it, then you know it will stand up to anything.)

Also this serves as a very important reminder to all tops, rope or otherwise, what we do is dangerous. Do not get complacent, do not go cheap and always be ready for a disaster.

2010-01-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

Travel Day
I'm stashed away in the corner of an airport Starbucks, surfing porn on the free wifi and wondering why I opted to cattle car air while my hosts for this trip are flying first class. Oh I remember, I'm traveling with like 150 pounds of rope and suspension gear and I opted to save some cash. That is what I get for trying to be a team player... oh well. While they are boozing it up in first class, I'll be plotting ways to get even. Ways involving a stun gun perhaps. I'm pretty sure the folks at CarnalNation.Com will enjoy some footage of that.

In the meantime, my darling Mistress Matisse has posted another one of her podcasts. I love getting to play cohost to her and play off her very sharp sense of humor. Click over to her amazing blog for more.

Oh they are calling my group, time to elbow my way past this gal with a stroller and maybe trip the old guy ahead of me....

See you kids in Vegas.

2010-01-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

Look at me, Ma! I'm a journalist and crap!
Just call me the Edward R Murrow of porn!

Ok, on second thought. Dont. What you can do is hop over to Carnal Nation or subscribe to their twiter feed as they will be posting the play by play updates from Tess, Diva and myself as we take Sin City by storm and cover the AVN awards.

"All this talk about Vegas and Carnal Nation, don't you have a bondage rope company to run?"

Funny you should mention that! While yes, it seems like much of my time in the last couple of weeks has been focused on prepping for this trip, promoting my upcoming class and figuring out just how I am going to keep Tess and Diva out of a Vegas holding cell, I also happen to have an awesome crew that keep things running (mostly) smooth when I am away. That is until they get too hopped up on tamales from the local taco truck. I can't go more into detail about that as we are still in litigation with that "rent a goat" dude, but I digress. Suffice to say, your order are being filled and fresh rope love leaves the Abbey every day in USPS boxes.

Anyways, long time readers will also know that January is when we release a very special color of the month. Once a year I make a limited edition color run using our ultra premium exotic, Bavarian 4 strand rope and then donate the profits to Midori and the AIDS/Lifecycle. This year will mark out 4th year and I have a very cool color up my sleeve!

Now this color ALWAYS sells out fast, like in minutes, so this year I want to give everyone the best possible chance at scoring some of this fantastic rope and helping out a great cause. This is why I am warning you NOW that I intend to post a photograph of the new color next week and then give you all at least 5 days notice before it is put on sale. I figure this is the best way I can be as fair as possible to the most folks possible.

So there you have it. Next week, keep an eye out for the new color of the month update. Till then, hop over to Carnal Nation for the up to date scoop on all the crazy shit going down in Sin City.

2010-01-01T04:01:00.000-08:00

Resolutions

Standing alone on the porch, the wet night my only companion as I stood on the stoop and took in the start of another year. Behind me, the sounds of laughter from the party filtered out, only to be mixed with the sound of a siren, long in the distance. Like a cliche from some beat poet's manifesto I stood there in the night, clove cigarette in one hand, glass of straight bourbon in the other, assessing these first few moments of the new year. What would this year hold? What resolutions would I pledge myself to?

After a long, deep drag on the clove and an even longer drink, I could only think of one thing to say to this new year. "Fuck you, 2009. I beat you and came out the better man. I'm changing nothing, save one thing.... I'm gonna find more excuses to wear cuff links"

With that, I crushed out my smoke, finished my drink and returned to the party in search of the beautiful women who smile and greet me with open arms, the friends that laugh at my terrible jokes and never remind me that they have hear this particular tale before and above all else, return to what I do best. Change the world, one bedroom at a time.

2009-12-31T01:14:00.000-08:00

Lets end this year with a rant!

Ok, well less of a rant and more of another one of my childhood tales that expose yet more aspects of why I am so very, very strange these days. Sure, I could go on and on about 2009 and how glad I am that it is over, etc, but fuck it. Lets end this with a laugh and a strong drink.

Cheers!

Monk's Rant 12/31/09 The Idiot Mittens from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2009-12-25T14:17:00.000-08:00

Merry XXX-MAS

Not to leave you thinking that your humble narrator, Monk, is a complete scrooge. This was our little holiday tree that we decorated for the season. Complete with nipple clamps and custom made, pornographic ornaments. So happy whatever you wish to call it days, here is to a drama free, low stress and well loved world for you and yours.

Monk & The Minion

2009-12-24T10:31:00.000-08:00

Where was I? Oh yeah, that is right, I needed more coffee and then I was going to tell you about the class in Vegas and why it is like 9 shades of awesome. Excuse me for a sec while I go menace a minion into making a fresh pot of coffee by doing my version of “The Humpty Dance” till they run screaming.

Fresh coffee in 6.5 seconds… Works every time.

So about this “Sensual Bondage for the Not So Vanilla” class I am teaching on Thursday January 7th at the Erotic Heritage Museum, what is so special about it anyways? Now aside from the obvious fact that I’m teaching it and my last class of this topic not only sold out in less than 24 hours, it also had a waiting list and got some great reviews. Not that I’ve got an ego about this sort of thing, but I am very thrilled that folks responded to my unorthodox approach to bondage. You can learn how to tie just about anything from my videos, but this class’ focus will be on how to think, how to get past the whole “bunny goes out of the hole, bunny goes around the tree…” centric bondage and have fun with your rope. When you are done with the class, all you will want to do is run home, rip each others clothes off and have wild, kinky rope sex.

Now if that was not reason enough, there is the post class show and tell where I show off some advanced tricks, do some demos and answer your questions, if you ask nice I may even tie you up!

But wait there is more, I should mention that the post class Q&A will be at the Breasts and Bondage Event, normally tickets to this event would be $20 bucks, but if you attend my class you get in for free! On top of that, we have a gift bag with over 100 bucks in goodies just for you. Check out this list for details

So, lets recap. A one of a kind learning experience with me (I'll even wear pants!), a gift bag full of free stuff worth over 100 bucks, passes to THE event to be at that night,and an extended 1-on-1 Q&A time and suspension demos. What more do you need? Oh I know, there is also a bar at the event so you can buy me drinks in the hopes of getting me drunk enough to do my impersonation of Mickey Mouse doing a golden shower scene (I’ll take a good bourbon or a nice Maker’s Mark Manhattan, thank you)

There ya have it folks, even if you just go to the class so you can heckle me and throw food, you are still getting a great deal and in for one hell of a fun night.

Hurry and score your tickets though, as of this blog post we are over half sold out!

To learn more about the class, click here.
To register, click here
To learn more about the after party, click here

2009-12-23T16:24:00.000-08:00

“I’ll deal with that, after the death march”
“get right on that, AFTER the death march”
“I know, I know… just a few more days and I’ll be clear of the death march and then I’ll…”

That has been my blanket response to everything for the past 3 odd weeks, just leave me be till I get through the big holiday push (and by the way, thank you this season was extra amazing and the minion and I thank you) so now here we are… after the death march.

Now what, Monk?

Well the first thing I am going to do is take down this damn calendar that I’ve been forced to stare at all year. Ok, ok, so it is a nice calendar with all the fuzzy endangered animals on it that I should be feeling guilty for killing off. On a side note, ever notice how we never try to save the really ugly animals? You ever see a Pacific Rock Fish? Ugly mofo, but they will never get a calendar to help their plight, nope just the cute ones.. but I digress. I’m so looking forward to ripping that calendar down and replacing it with my new one, The 2010 NYC Hot Blogger calendar.

Yeah, I’m looking forward to enjoying some very sexy bloggers all year and knowing that the proceeds are also going to the rocking folks at Sex Worker Awareness makes it extra cool in my book. What, you don’t have one of these yet? Are you stupid or just lazy? Well get off your ass and go buy one, now. I’ll wait.

I’m still waiting…

...what are you on dial up?!

So now then, where was I? Oh yes, the New Year and what is next on the agenda. Well, next stop for me is Vegas.

That’s right, Vegas Baby!

What am I doing in Vegas, besides chasing down all the free shrimp cocktails and hitting the nickel slots? Perhaps I’m going to try my hand at working in one of the new all male brothels? Nope, somehow I’ve coned my way into getting, get this, press credentials with CarnalNation.Com. That’s right, me, a member of the “free press”… ok you can all stop laughing now, really I mean it, stop, you are hurting my feelings.

Truth be told, I’m not so much a member of the press as I am the baby sitter, body guard and all around arm candy for The Urban Gypsy and Ms Debauched Diva. I know, putting me in charge of keeping those two out of trouble is like putting Dracula in charge of the blood bank. In addition to reporting from the whole skin circus that will be the AVN awards, chasing down every cutie I can find and tying them up, I’ve also been asked to teach again.

I posted a description of the class here and the first comment I got was, “dude, $50 bucks for a class with you? I would not cross the street to pee on you if you were on fire for $50 bucks.”

Thanks mom, you say the sweetest things.

As for the rest of you? Tune in tomorrow and I’ll give ya the skinny on why this is going to be an amazing class.

2009-12-14T10:13:00.000-08:00

Another Podcast with Mistress Matisse.
We are back at it and causing more mayhem than is allowed by the FCC. Hear it here, about 10 minutes, SO not work safe.

2009-12-13T09:53:00.000-08:00

On Running Away and Joining the Circus...

Last night I had the honor of accompanying The Charming Girl to Teatro Zinzanni. For those who are unfamiliar with the place, it is a dinner theater that takes place under this huge tent, they claim that the actual tent structure is like 100 years old and there are only 4 left in the world, but regardless of that they transport you to this other world. A turn of the centry cabarete where your entertainment is right there, smack dab in the middle of you and doing all manner of fantastic, cabaret acts. From roaring song and dance to stunning aerialists and astounding slapstick physical comedy.

For me there is something amazing about watching a live performance, to sit back and witness someone doing that thing that they are very, very good at. No amount of video footage can compare to seeing an aerialist up close and watching the tiny muscles on their stomach work as they hold their bodies in perfect form, 30 ft off the floor, the shine of pride in their eyes as they soak in the crowd's applause. Or perhaps it is the element of danger, not that they will fall, but rather the lack of wires, second takes and above all else, a live crowd not 10 ft away. They must not only perform, but they are nose to nose with their audience, that added random energy as they must also interact and improvise off them as well. It all just makes me feel like a wide eyed kid again, honestly. I think this is why I've been enjoying working with live cabaret groups like the Little Red Studio and Columbia City Cabaret.

Perhaps I'm was born too late and should have been in vaudeville :)

2009-12-11T13:41:00.000-08:00

By popular demand...

Tied Up Events Presents:

An Evening of Sensual Bondage with The Twisted Monk

“Sensual rope bondage for the not so vanilla”

Where: Erotic Heritage Museum, 3275 Industrial Road, Las Vegas, NV
When: Thursday January 7th Class 7:00-9:00pm with private Q&A session 9:00-9:30pm

Yes, I'm teaching again. Based on the overwhelmingly positive response I got from my class in New York last month (read a review of it here) and after numerous requests I'm going to do it again in Las Vegas.

Attendance to this class is limited and focused on very hands on, how do I start to use rope in my play focused. The class is fantastic for the experienced rope player who is looking to move beyond the basics and learn how to "think" in rope as well as the absolute beginner looking to spice up their play with rope bondage.

For more information and to register for the event, check out the Tied Up Event's Home Page.

For this event I am once again also working with the fantastic folks at Tied Up Events, they did a stellar job planning and arranging my last class in NYC. I'm a firm believer in "delegate or die" and trying to run a company AND organize classes would drive me insane, so I'm leaving it to the pros. I'd encourage other kink instructors and the like, if you want some crack event planners, give them a shout. Seriously, they rock.

2009-12-10T07:56:00.000-08:00

It is Podcast Time Again!
Matisse and I have a recording session booked tonight, so if you have questions, comments of follow ups to stuff we have previously discussed please email them to me today.

Cheers!

2009-12-09T11:44:00.000-08:00

Why look, it is the x-mas death march!

So I've got less than 12 days to kick out a metric fuckton of orders, how much is a "metric fuckton" you ask? Well that is about an "ass-load times 10" or for those of you still using imperial units of measurement, "12,206 holy shit that is a lot a rope"s

Stay tuned, this is going to get strange before it is over.

2009-12-07T14:35:00.000-08:00

Custom Rope Auction

Just in time for the holiday, another one of a kind Twisted Monk creation. This rope kit is a custom, blue/black creation, designed by our very own International Ms Leather 2009, Lamalani. In addition to making a great gift for your favorite rope lover, this auction will help further fund Lamalani's travel and community outreach fund. Let's face it, it is not cheap traveling all over the country, working with local organizations and spreading the good word! Check out her travel blog at www.internationalmsleather.com and bid now.

Auction ends on December 12th

2009-12-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

Me (and what must be my long lost twin, Skippy) on the web

I'm the "featured hot shot" for this week's e-lust. Click the photo for more on that.

Also, there seems to be this video making the rounds today from Google Wave. Everyone is claiming that the person in the video is my twin. At least in voice and mannerisms. Not sure how I feel about this, one always wants to think of themselves as being truly one of a kind.

Me? I don't see the resemblance.

2009-11-24T11:03:00.000-08:00

I had no idea they were taking notes...

Remember that "one off" rope class I taught in NYC? Well the reviews are in, I guess they liked it. I may have to rethink the whole, "I'm NOT an instructor" thing...

Now excuse me while I go wade back into this sea of rope orders that need my attention.

2009-11-22T21:04:00.001-08:00

Another rant on a cold Sunday night.

Monk's Rant 11/21 "Crunchy vs Creamy" from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2009-11-19T10:36:00.000-08:00

Sex Worker Literati, December 3 in NYC
Featuring... well me :)

Remember how I was in NYC last month and I was all exited to meet author, activist and all around rock star Audacia Ray? Yeah, and remember how I was mortified that upon meeting her I went into total "fan boy" mode and pretty much went "OMG!OMG!OMG" while shaking her hand?

Probably not one of my more shining moments of suave charm, but I guess I must have made a positive impression because she has invited me to take part in her next public reading event. I'm so thrilled and honored to be part of this event. At the last reading I was just blown away by the honesty and beauty of the stories shared that night. Laughing at one moment and moved to tears the next.

I'll be sharing the stage with a host of fascinating male writers, porn stars and sex workers, each one with a unique and personal tale to tell about life in the sex industry.

For more information check out the facebook page for the event.
...and no, I will not be wearing a tiara.

2009-11-18T16:48:00.000-08:00

Based on the success of my recent forays into bondage instruction, neither the Hartford GRUE crowd or the NYC folks threw any rotting food at me or sued me so I am taking that as positive feedback, I'm thinking that there might be a niche for my unique "twist" on kink. While I have learned long ago to "never say never", I really cannot see myself in the same leauge as "real" instructors like Max or Midori. Nope, I'm perfectly happy to share what I have learned from other, better teachers and refer all the hard questions to the experts.

That said, it looks like the upcoming GRUE in San Diego might be my next opportunity to flex the instructor muscle again. Now due to the anarchistic nature of the GRUE, there is no set agenda nor is there an "approved course curriculum" so in short I can pitch just about any class my evil brain can come up with. If folks want to attend it, well that is another matter. Hence the magic of the "un-conference'

Here is what I'm thinking so far for class ideas;
"Inside the top secret labs of Twisted Monk" (did this one in Hartford and it was very well received)
"Your going to put that in my what?! Steel toys and other insertable madness"
"Tiaras, Mouse Ears and You. The delicate balance of humor and sadism"
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. Everything you ever wanted to know about being a male sex worker but were afraid to ask"

2009-11-06T00:31:00.000-08:00

So my first day in NYC has been... eventful. Forgot how alive this city is, practically vibrating with life and people at all hours of the day and night. My hosts have been showing me a fantastic time, got to meet some sex worker heroes tonight and generally be blow away by the smart, sexy and just plain amazing folks who make up the sex positive scene here.

However since I've been up now for oh... like 20 hours straight I need to crash... so no sorrid details, yet.

Instead how about footage from last week's Columbia City Cabaret performance? We had only 6 minutes and a mostly vanilla audience to show off the speed and sex appeal of rope.

Enjoy!

TwistedMonk, Live Performance @ Columbia City Cabaret from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2009-11-04T11:26:00.000-08:00

Ok, so you guys liked the video rant. Not sure if it was the embarrassing tale of my odd youth that did it or the flailing hand gestures that made it work for you. Either way I'm glad ya enjoyed it.
Now this morning as I race about getting all my last minute NYC stuff done I feel like I am tracking a zillion details at once. What gear to bring, what clothes to pack, what class material do I need to bring, what needs to still be finished and oh I need to do something about the state of my torn to shreds hands today too.

Enough about that, this morning I caught a tweet regarding the re-introduction of the dreaded Eggnog Latte. I have a very strong opnion about this whole "eggnog thing" In fact I think it is a conspiracy, far worse than anything ever hatched out of Area 51.

The Great Eggnog Conspiracy Theory from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

Oh and yes, that is a clove cigarette in my hand. I have been known to enjoy one on cold fall days while listening to Type O Negative and drinking coffee in the rain.

2009-10-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

"The Great Monk-kin?!"
Well I guess this is what I get for not showing up to the Abbey on Friday. Aside from a long overdue morning with my darling Matisse, yesterday was all about the Columbia City show. By all accounts, we rocked the house too, so thanks to everyone who came out. With any luck my film guy got some good shots and we can post something soon.

but I digress... I was telling you about those magnificently crazy fools who work for me. I left the minion alone yesterday and now most days I can count on them to not burn the Abbey down and generally kick a lot of rope based ass while I am out. Now maybe it was because it was a Friday afternoon, or maybe due to the delayed rope shipment we are waiting on (thanks for you patience folks, we are filling orders as fast as possible) whatever the reason, I guess they had some extra time on their hands becasue this morning when I walked in I found this note.

Dear Evil Boss,
We ran out of dry stock to finish and got to thinking, the "Monk Shrine" needed a holiday theme to it. Then we remembered that you had a spare body* and well... hope ya don't mind but you are now officially The Great Monk-kin
Love,
Da' Minion

Yes, that is a tiny pumpkin with glasses and a goatee. Remember the shrine they built to my bobble head doll when it first arrived this summer? Yeah, that one. They even got the crow's feet and my trademark, "just what the hell are you doing?" scowl down too. Now normally I would encourage such creative and original thinking, but my real concern here is what they will come up with for Valentine's Day.

*due to damage in shipping to the original bobble head's base, the company sent me a second body. Leaving me with an extra, albeit headless, version of.. well me

2009-10-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

Today is my darling Tambo's birthday so pardon me while I devote my day to reminding her why I am so happy that she was born today.

In the meantime, here is another shot from my recent photo shoot. An "action shot" of sorts!

2009-10-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

Monk, on 2 coasts and on stage too.

Going to be a busy two weeks for your humble narrator. Let us see what the calendar holds....

Friday Oct 30th: Columbia City Cabaret, "Frightfully Kinky" Show
Catch me performing onstage in one of the best cabaret shows in town. Tamara always puts on a hell of a show and this one will be extra "kinky". See my amazing rope bottom and I pull off some moves that you have never seen a in a rope bondage scene. That and it is also Tambo's birthday so she is going to be getting some birthday "attention" on stage too.

Sunday Nov 1st: Max Teaches Rope Bondage 201
Rope instructor extraordinaire, Max of bondagelessons.com, continues his fantastic series of monthly rope classes. If you missed the 101 class, fear not, you will catch up quick. I'll be there with a VERY limited supply of rope to sell.

Thursday Nov 5th: Sex Worker Literati in NYC
It is with great delight that I will be attending this event with my NYC hosts. Some amazing presentations and performers will be there. I'm a tad "fan boy" with delight at getting to meet some of my industry idols.

Friday Nov 6th: The New York Sex Bloggers Calendar Release Party!
I guess I must have made a bit of an impression on Tess and Diva when I met them last week in CT as they are hosting me to be part of this very cool event. I'll be there, I'm bringing my personal rope as well as a one of a kind rope kit for the auction. By all the sounds, this party is going to be off the hook with some of the hottest sex advocates, workers, writers and outlaws from all over the country.

Saturday Nov 7th: Sensual Rope Bondage for the Not So Vanilla SOLD OUT!
I'm making a very rare teaching appearance in NYC to teach a small, hands on class in my unique style of sensual bondage. Sorry, Sold out.

Whew! I'm so glad that I'm getting a personal assistant again soon. I can barely remember where I left my pants last night!

2009-10-26T00:05:00.000-07:00

Interesting thing, writing a blog for almost 6 years... it takes on a life of its own. Like some kind of like a garden, it grows as you feed it and most days you love the harvest it provides, other days it feels like that monster from Little Shop of Horrors, going "FEED ME!"

Now I've said time and time again that I am no a "writer", nope and if you read enough of this blog then you will agree. I mispell, run-along and fragment the hell out of the English language in ways that would make most editors want to stab me repeatedly in the eye with a red pen. Nope, I'm an entertainer. My job here is to tell you a tale, in whatever medium I have at my disposal. Over the years as the various blogging fads have come and gone out of fashion I've enjoyed trying my hand at several. Who remembers when voicemail blogging was going to be the "next big thing"?

Yeah, not many of ya, thought so.

Since my new laptoplet has his handy little built in camera on it I thought perhaps what might be fun to try would be an un-edited, un scripted, and un rehearsed rant. Just me, the camera and a topic. I'd hit record and not stop till I ran out of steam, no retakes no do overs. I know this idea makes my video production guy want to scream, if he cant run me through at least 2 post production filters and re-renders then he won't take the job, but I digress.

So here you go: Me, a camera, a topic and a glass of whiskey.... you were warned.

Monk's Rant. 10/26/09 The goat and the crash helmet from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

2009-10-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

What, no updates for a week? What the hell has Monk been up to now? Well in addition to storming the North East last weekend I've been working to bring you all this. A very rare appearance and class by me in NYC!

Tess and Diva present, direct from Seattle, The Twisted Monk for an intimate, hands on rope class in NYC.
"Sensual rope bondage for the not so vanilla"
Where: Fontana’s http://www.fontanasnyc.com/
When: Saturday Nov 7th Class 3-4:30pm with private Q&A session 4:30-5:30
Cost: $35 per person
Space is limited to only 20 people.
Reserve your spot now by clicking here!

Bring your rope! Monk has a small number of custom made rope kits just for this event. Price: $60 (Regular price $80)

About the class:

“Sensual Rope Bondage for the Not So Vanilla”

Rope, everybody is doing it.

So what is up with all this rope bondage stuff anyways? Seems like everywhere you look online these days folks are tying each other up and having sex. Maybe you have tried in the past, ya know silk ties to the bed posts perhaps, and now you want to know more?

Monk, founder of Twistedmonk.com the oldest and most trusted name in bondage rope, is hosting a very rare class and Q&A session on erotic rope bondage. More than your run of the mill “rope 101” class with a bunch of frustrating knots you will never remember, this class is all about the providing you with the building blocks as well as how to “think” in rope to expand your play options and confidently bring rope bondage into your bedroom.

Topics Include:
Why Rope? Or “So, do you get a lot of chicks with this rope bondage thing?”
Resources
Rope Safety
Single and double column ties and variations
Chest Harnesses with variations
Boy and girl ‘bits” bondage
Incorporating Rope into your play

If you are just starting to explore bondage or perhaps just very curious, this small hands on class is for you.

Class size is limited to only 20. In addition to the class, Monk has a special rope kit for sale. Supplies are limited.
After the class, Monk will be available for an intimate Q&A and demo session.

Click here to reserve your spot for this very rare, special event.

2009-10-15T07:43:00.001-07:00

Dearly departed.
In the air, my flight winging its way eastward through the night and into the morning till we reach our destination, Boston. Boston, however, is just the start if this trip.

The start would have to be back in San Francisco, exhausted and slightly buzzed from our day in the sun and sweat that was the Folsom Street Fair, Jezebel and I were conversing about all the sights we had just taken in. As I tended to the fresh, deep cuts left in her breasts by a wicked single tailing at the Kink.Com stage, she asked me if I ever missed “working” at events like this.
“There is no way to keep up with all the inbound demand and mount a large scale show at the same time; last one almost put me in the hospital. I retired from doing shows, much to the relief of my partners, about 18months ago. However, the chance to see my customers face to face, to hear their stories and share in their excitement for this thing I make? Oh I miss that more that you could imagine…”

And from there, a plan was hatched.

My old friend, Graydancer, has been after me for years to attend one of his “Un-conferences” equal parts an exercise in controlled anarchy and excuse to get a bunch of rope lovers who may never travel to a big convention a place to gather and learn, these have been growing in both number and popularity. I never thought I would be attending one till Jezebel suggested it.
“I’ve got a break that week, I’ll meet you in Boston for a bit and then you can head over to the event… I bet you they miss seeing you too.”

Next thing I knew, she had plane tickets, car rentals and hotel reservations bought and waiting for me, all I needed to do was figure out if they wanted me at the event and what I could bring to the show.

“Rope, you moron, lots of rope” was Gray’s ecstatic response.

And so here I am, headed into Boston with a case full of rope and a few very interesting, top secret new products to show off and get feedback on. First stop, however, is a swanky old school hotel where I’ll rest up and then connect with Jezebel. Tonight she wants to show me the town as well as indulge our shared fetish for all things strange as we embark on a late night tour of the town’s more infamous haunted places.

Tomorrow I’ll venture east to Connecticut, but tonight it is all about food, strong drinks and seeing if I can give Jezebel some fresh marks now that her single tail “trophies” seem to have faded away.

2009-10-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

Just got my first sneak peak at the shoots taken last week with Elizabeth Raab, I'm liking what I see so far.

2009-10-13T15:50:00.000-07:00

I know, I know.. I should be blogging. Up to my eyeballs getting ready for the Boston / Hartford trip. ALmost ready to go, just a few more pieces of rope to whip up and then some steel to pack away and then it is onto a red eye tomorrow night. Really exited to be in New England again and getting to see my old friend Gray as well as make some new friends too.

In the meantime I'm running about like a madman trying to remember everything I am forgetting to bring!

So while I write myself another note that reads "WEAR PANTS!" here is a thought for today.

The real problem with internet pornography? It is not the vast quanity of it, nor the ease with whish you can access it. A few clicks and next thing ya know you are watching GILFs take on the cast of HeeHaw, all in glorious HD. Nope, the real problem is that it is just not as much fun to hide as the old paper based porn of our youth.

Back in those days there was an art to owning illicit porn, you could not just leave it laying about for fear that your mom would find it. No, you had to hide it, but not too well for fear that accessing it might take too much work and then blow your cover. Or worse, you could end up like the last guy who owned my house. He forgot about his gay porn and left it for me to find sealed in the walls of the bathroom some 20 odd years later. No, there was an art to porn stashing. A lost art I fear.

Then there is the time honored ritual of "the passing of the porn". See, you can't just throw old pornography away in the trash when you are done with it. What if the garbage man finds it and tells your folks? Besides, think about the next generation of young, adolescent boys.. minds eager to understand the hormones that are bombarding their young bodies. No, you must pass the porn along. Give to the next generation, just as you were given to.

Somehow passing along your list of bookmarks just does not seem as satisfying, ya know?

2009-10-08T13:19:00.000-07:00

Twisted Monk Comes to The Columbia City Cabaret Oct. 30!

Columbia City Cabaret
Friday October 30, 2009
Release Date - immediately

Columbia City Theater
4916 Rainier Ave. S.
Seattle WA 98119

Contact- tamara@trapezelady.com
206-605-9920

$20 brownpapertickets.com
$25 cash only at the door
Ask about VIP group seating on the balcony

Columbia City Cabaret – FRIDAY October 30th

Well darlings, it has been a superb break for The Trapeze Lady and I
am seriously jonesing for some kinky Halloween action. Get ready to
explore the world of fetish and perversion Cabaret style.

Seattle's sweet dark darling RAVENNA BLACK exposes dreadfully odd
desires involving large squashes; wicked Queen MORGAN LA MAY is
casting evil spells and conjuring devious spirits; keep your "safe
word" in mind 'cause ERNIE VON SCHMALTZ could push buttons you didn't
know you had; VIVA AND VIOLET THE AERIAL RIOT exhibit a possible form
of alien sex; Seattle SM legend TWISTED MONK has something especially
diabolical is mind; and TAMARA THE TRAPEZE LADY plays devoted bottom
to her precious carabiners. Oh yes yes YES! You WILL leave satisfied
and exhausted from this "Frighteningly Kinky" Columbia City Cabaret.

2009-10-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

Behold, the "Tiara of Twue Dominance"

Taken at Folsom last week as I was wrapping up being the support top for an amazing pair of single tail scenes with Matisse. Big thanks to Lochai for letting us play in the Kink.Com booth. (Rigging for them is on the "things to do before I die" list)

Seems only fitting, that at a huge leather festival in the heart of San Francisco that I'd be sporting a tiara, especally a tiara that when worn demands that you address me as "Sir" (and don't forget the courtesy too)

2009-10-05T10:28:00.000-07:00

What, you have never seen a guy sporting a tiara and demanding that you address him as "Sir"?

In my ongoing quest to insert just a wee bit more sureal humor and fun into sex, yesterday I as I was vending at Max's very well attended Bondage 101 class, I was sporting a bejeweled tiara. When asked why I was sitting back, casually watching the students happily tie each other up, wearing a tiara. My response was "What, you don't have a Tiara of Real and Twue Dominance"?

Longtime blog readers heard that and burst into fits of laughter, they already knew about my "Resplendent Topping Panties of Dooooom" So before I can even begin to describe the awesome that is my tiara, the rest of you need to play some catch up.

So from the archives, originally posted June 6, 2005 (yeah I been blogging for a fucking long time)
Beware my resplendent topping panties!

There is a certain way one must walk when about to do a rope scene while wearing a pair of frilly women’s pantaloon style bloomers and knee high Doc Martin’s boots. Full of fire and vigor, like you are the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the whole damn place.

Why am I wearing pantaloons while topping a rope scene in a public dungeon you ask?

Perhaps I should back up a bit….

One of the unique joys of working a convention is meeting folks. One of our new friends was Scott from Big Head Studios; he is what you might call kindred soul (aka a goofy fucker who knows that the key to life is to not take it all TOO seriously). Tomorrow I was to be his stunt model for a class on latex bondage, or has we were calling it, “Operation Biscuit Dip”. But that, dear readers, is a tale for later. No for this is a tale of the challenge he laid down that evening in the dungeon.

Tambo and I arrive and the dungeon is hopping. Filled with happy perverts tying each other up and doing all manner of lovely, naughty things to each other. She was dressed in a stunning black Chinese cocktail dress and I in my tight shiny latex pants and “Trained by Midori” t-shirt (a shirt that she her self guarantees that the wearer will get laid in if worn to a convention) After we make a quick pass we run into Scott and his lovely girlfriend (who’s tag reads, “Scott’s Niece” long story). This bundle of kinetic energy is frolicking about wearing vintage bloomer style panties (and not much else). Scott stands there smiling and holding a large bundle of panties in his hands.

What happens next is a bit blurry. Some say that he dared me; others would say that I offered, but either way I ended up removing my pants and donning a pair of thin mesh women’s panties, complete with frills. Now the only way one can wear frilly panties and not look like a complete queen is to really wear them. Go big, or go home. These were no longer just women’s panties I was wearing. No, these were now my “Resplendent Topping Panties” and I was not only going to strut about the dungeon with my head held high and shoulders back, but I was also going to deliver a hell of a scene while wearing them.

We drew a few stares as we laid out our gear under the hard point.

Now anyone who was watching our play in hopes of seeing some kind of zen like activity, well you are obviously reading the wrong blog. Tambo and I play, as in laugh and enjoy the moment. This was to be no exception, save for the fact that I was feeling a bit extra mean at the moment and hung her up in a very strenuous position.

Tambo blames the panties.

Once up and stable in my ropes, I take to tormenting this lovely girl. One of our favorite things is when I leave her hands free and then do things like tickle her exposed feet or slap her bottom as it swings by. In response she becomes a tenacious monkey, grabbing at me and trying to steal away the item I’m trying to swat her with. Of course this time she was extra motivated.

I was spanking her with a Gideon’s bible.

You see, before we left our room earlier I snuck the thing onto my bag as a joke. Thing is, hotel bibles pack one hell of a thump. Tambo found out the hard way as her naked body swung past me while she was using the rigging like an adult swing set.

In a howl that could best be described as a mix of surprise and laughter she spun around in the rigging and began trying to snatch the book from me.

I easily evade her grasp and sit just out of her swinging reach, opening the tome I read to her from the “Trials of Job”. This just makes her swing even harder in the rigging as she stretches out and deftly snatches the book from me with the tips of her fingers. I love her.

Spinning about with her hands, she looks like a sort of cross between a alligator or the scary girl from The Ring, that is if either of them enjoyed suspension bondage that is. We dance and parry like this. Me dodging from side to side as she tries to keep me in front of her and away from her exposed bottom and the book.

I reach out and grab a fist full of her long dark hair and pull. I pull her entire body up such that she is facing me, her body strains against the rigging that pulls against her. The muscles in my shoulders flex and strain under the load as she bares her teeth and snarls at me.
Say it
I smile and ask politely
“Fuck you” She barks
“Oh I just love it when you talk dirty. Now say it”
“Never” She sneers and giggles.
I release her hair and let her body swing back and forth in the rigging. Her howls of laughter rise and fall as she swings.

This goes on like this till we are both drenched in sweat and high from laughing too much. Finally, when she can take no more, she sighs and says,
“Yes, I now fear your Resplendent Topping Panties!”

I lower her to the floor and we both lay there heaving and laughing. “You evil fucker” she pants.
“Don’t blame me, its the panties”

Then the giggling starts again.

Tomorrow night she will don the panties in question for a play date with 2 sweet, giggly girls we know. I, on the other hand, will be busy with a “Cultural Smack Down Scene” with a lovely British strumpet. But for tonight we lay and laugh at each other.

2009-10-02T13:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, this blog post is about my balls...

It happened again this morning, seems to always happen about this time of year too. You think by now I would now and be prepared for it, perhaps have something on hand just in case... but no, I never do. This morning as I leapt onto my motorcycle and made my way into the Abbey I was not thinking about it. Happily riding along in the damp, autumn morning, it did not occur to me till I was half way to my destination. I think it was about the point when I felt my balls start crawling up into my stomach from the bone chilling, wet cold that swept across me that I realized it. Oh fuck, it is winter in Seattle again and I ride a motorcycle!

During the spring, summer and even into the late fall I am pretty smug about my year round commitment to ride a motorcycle. At 40+ miles per gallon, a side car that lets me shop at costco with ease and a tiny environmental footprint my old bike is a fantastic alternative to a car, not to mention the pretty girls love it on a summer's evening. That is until it starts to rain and I forget to dig out my wet weather gear. Then. then it is a ball freezing SOB that makes me want to say fuck the environment and buy a Hummer H2, complete with baby seal seats and dolphin skin accents.

Oh I have good rain gear, and no not the kind that makes me look like the Gorton's Fisherman either (I'm talking to you Kl8ton) Sweet gear like custom made, police style lap blankets to keep my legs dry and last year I was even lucky and someone wonderful bought me a set of heated gloves, so my poor hands won't feel like lobster claws.

Ya know what I do need? Ball warmers. (well just one warmer.. for both balls to be exact)

I'm thinking a heated motorcycle seat would be just what Monk needs to keep his already small boy bits from shrinking to the point of him being confused a eunuch. Let's face it, "I was swimming" can only get ya so far. While I am on the topic of new seats and genitals, ya know what else would be amazing to add the bike?

A throttle controlled vibrator installed in the sidecar seat.

When I showed this to Tambo, she took it a step further and suggested that I ask the evil brains at House of Gord to just install a fucking machine of some sort into the sidecar. Leave it to my darling to always take a good idea and make it an amazing one, but I think for now I'll opt for the vibrating seat and maybe some strategic tie points just below the line of sight.

2009-10-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

I'm glad one of us is paying attention.

Just got a note from a reader expressing how much they love it when Matisse and I rant on the podcasts. Podcast?! Huh, we posted a new one? Oh, yeah. I guess MM did last night. Glad she is in charge of publishing these and I'm just on deck to be the color commentary.

Seems like since I landed on Monday afternoon I've not stopped running, playing catch up after 3 days of hedonism at Folsom. I know, I know no rest for the wicked... but still whew! Talk about one tired Monk!

On the plus side, I'd rather be exhausted and living the amazing life I have than well rested and unhappy.

2009-09-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

I think some days you listen a little too closely

A reader and podcast listener sent me a note yesterday commenting about one of my numerous caffinee fueled rants on a recent podcast. In said rant, I went off on two of my favorite topics. Sex and zombies. Somehow through the miracle of poor logic and fast talking I managed to steer the rant into "why the hell don't zombies come back horny?"

And what do I find in my inbox, but a link to "Sex Tips For Zombies"
Now, I wish I could just pass this off as another flash in the pan, jumping on the undead bandwagon and gone in 6 months blog, but the thing is... it is actually really fucking funny.

I really need to close this up, dive into this pile of Color of the Month orders and then put the finishing touches on my Folsom prep, but I'll leave you with this thought. While I do not consider myself a "hipster" by any stretch of the imagination, I like to think I have a decent eye for the ebb and flow of popular culture. Is it just me or has the whole "Zombie thing" started to reach a sort of cultural critical mass? That point where, like bacon before it, go from being good clean(ish) fun to becoming the punchline to it's own joke? Bacon flavored lube, anyone? Or will it remain a timeless form of entertainment, much like seeing Brit men dressed in drag or watching videos of guys getting smacked in the balls?**

In short, has the Zombie jumped the shark?*

*We all know what happened when the zombie fought the shark, Splatter genius Lucio Fulci showed us that already.
**Or even the most timeless of all humor, the fart joke. Combine all three, Brit men in drag, getting smacked in the junk and making fart jokes? I dare say you have the holy grail of humor (or a good night on BBC America after a serious bender)

2009-09-23T11:00:00.000-07:00

September's Color of the Month is Here!

It would be impossible to stock all the unique colors that folks ask for on a regular basis. So instead we now offer a new and unique color every month.

This month's color is a caramel brown with a dappling of candy apple red for added visual texture and depth. Since it is state fair season, we hereby dub this shade: "Carmel Apple"

Between Folsom and our usual insane order backlog this is a very small batch. I do not expect it to last long so hop on it now if you want some.

Now for the record, I feel I should address my darling Matisse's recent post where she accuses me of being a bad influence and encouraging her to indulge in a cocktail while we were recording our recent block of podcasts.

Guilty as charged.

As those who know me well and they will all fondly agree, "Monk brings out the worst in people and more often than not it is the very thing that needs to come out and play at the time"

2009-09-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

Color of the Month Update!
As soon as it is out of the drying room tomorrow and oiled up, I am putting our latest offering up for sale on the website. Photos coming soon, but the shade is a caramel brown with flecks of candy apple red. We are calling it "Caramel Apple"

Look for it to go live around 11am PST on Wednesday.

2009-09-21T11:08:00.000-07:00

I think Jester may have mixed some gun powder into my coffee

I can't blame him really, he does not drink the stuff and with half the crew out the two of us are screaming about the Abbey trying to get this huge fucking pile of orders out the door. UPS, DLH and every one else is delivering fresh stock to us today AND if that is not enough I'm also rigging for my first pro-bondage shoot with NakedGord.Com today.

Yeah, gonna be a crazy couple of days :)

In the meantime, enjoy another fun post from the vaults. This is a personal favorite of mine and the whole, "I intend to fuck you so hard you will sustain internal bruising" seems to be a reoccurring theme in my world... I wonder why?

Originally posted: December 02/2004
Atomic Fucking
I once read that somewhere, there existed the oldest known text of erotica, an ancient Japanese sex manual, in fact. In this manual, the author describes fifteen unique and distinct motions a man should be able to make with his penis while making love to a woman. That’s right, fifteen - and you thought “in, out, and repeat as necessary” was it?

Things like:

“…like a sandpiper plucking insects from shore”
or
“..as if a great wave crashing upon a rocky beach”

And so on.

Of course this made for great flirtation fodder, “so, yeah, I have the first 7 down cold, but maybe with you I can finally master 8 and 9?”

The one “motion” they did not cover is what I’ll call “Atomic Fucking". Now, hard fierce sex seems to have gotten a bad rap as of late. Yes, I know that I should heed the call of the great and might Tenacious D and “fuck her gently” but I doubt that even Jack Black would disagree with me on this.

So what is Atomic Sex then? This is that hot, sweaty, sex that runs the fine line between love and anger. The kind of sex where you do not merely thrust yourself into your lover – no, you are out to hurt her with your cock. To penetrate her, and drive yourself into her with an animalistic fury that borders on sadistic. Blinded by your mutual feral lust, you seek to pound her, to fuck her with such a fury of hunger and passion as to leave you both incapable of speech afterwards and, if you have the stamina, unable to put your legs together the next day.

Of course, this really is not the best way to say start your night of love making, no that would be like having Led Zeppelin play as your opening act. This is the kid of sex that leaves you both exhausted and unable to do more than curl into each other and shudder.

Rather, like an atomic bomb, your must assemble the proper components in order to create the chain reaction needed to create this devastating sexual experience.

First you need the proper fissionable base material. A good and sexually charged relationship where you really trust your partner. Yes, there must be lust present, but equally important is trust. If you are to let go of yourself and blindly throw your being into this sort of madness of lust, you better be damn sure your lover is cool with this. Things will be said as you claw madly at each other. Names will be called; curses exchanged and yes, bruises left… If you are not secure that in the heat of your mutual desire, these are in fact cries of love and affection and that the bite marks are tokens of your love - well then, you are going to be having a lot of apologizing to do later.

Next would be the ignition sequence. Again, this is not something you just say, “hey sweetie let’s take off our clothes, pull each other’s hair and call one another filthy names!” No this must be triggered… slowly. We all have them, those little buttons that push us beyond our normal limits, beyond our own control and into that feral space. That space where we fully let goes your control, where we succumb to our inner beasts. You cannot just rush into this space, it must build up pressure. Pull hard against me, dig your nails into my shoulders, bite down hard upon the muscles of my chest and I transform. Like the cursed man when he sees the full moon rise, I can almost feel my canines lengthen and sharpen. Snarling, I respond in kind.

Then there is the whole matter of payload. Just how hard and long can you go like this? Sure there is the physical aspect to consider. You are not merely thrusting your hips together with force, no you are driving your whole body into your lover with hunger and furry. You sweat, you grind flesh, and you both scream… a lot. But how far is too far? What is the difference between, say Bikini Atoll Atomic Fucking and oh say Global Thermal Nuclear War? Duration? Intensity?

Perhaps by the number of cop cars that shows up at your door due to panicked neighbors?

2009-09-20T00:20:00.000-07:00

Folsom Fashion Blues

Well gentle readers, the signs are all there. The kids are back in school, crappy horror movies are back in the theaters and Tambo wants to put a giant inflatable jack-o-lantern in our front lawn. Yes summer is over and fall is here, but before I trade my tank tops for flannel shirts there is one last big event that will officially mark the end of summer.

The Folsom Street Fair.

Ah Folsom, the one day of the year when downtown San Francisco is transformed into a giant, gay leather fest. The only place in the world where you could run up to a cop screaming, “Officer, officer! There is a man, naked, and he is handcuffed to that fence over there!” and the officer will calmly respond, “Well, does he WANT to be?” Long term readers will know that I’ve a unique place in my heart for this event. Our first trip, 6 years ago, was a watershed event both personally and for the company. Marking the moment when we went from “guy in his back yard” to “world’s biggest bondage rope supplier”. Over the years I’ve attended as a vendor, a performer and even as a tourist. This year I wrap all those past experiences into one brand new and very exciting adventure. This year I will be attending as a personal tour guide for dear Jezebel.

I am blessed to live a life that allows me to have so many wonderful and varied relationships in it. Each one is very different and each brings a unique perspective and insight with it. I never thought that in all my years I would have a playmate grow into a relationship where we could travel together and she would enjoy my company as both her top and tour guide. Let’s face it, even my partners get annoyed with me what with all the lawn gnome jokes and constant email checking. So having someone grow from seeing me only in the dungeon a few hours at a time to someone who will invite me to travel with her is a huge leap for us both. It will be quite an adventure, but I have great faith that we will have a grand and very naughty time.

Now the real worry I have is what to wear?

2009-09-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

Happy Friday Folks...
Now while I gear up for what will be a very long and interesting day. Why? Let me see... tonight I'm performing at the Little Red Studio Gold Show again, with a new person that I've never put rope on before. Think of it as "extreme contact improv" and then I have a much looked forward to date with a very, very Charming Girl, whom I've missed terribly.

But first there is this matter of a private rope session that I need to attend to. So while I dash for the shower and pound back another cup of coffee. Enjoy the newest podcast from Matisse and I. It is short, but entertaining.

2009-09-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

Last Chance, Last Dance

I'm gearing up to start a new color of the month dye job today, as I was walking out to my motorcycle this morning I was overwhelmed and inspired by all the cool colors the great maple tree in my back yard has turned as of late. Tromping across the fallen leaves and dew covered grass as my old dog trotted along side, in the hopes of taking a ride with me to work in the sidecar, her pale yellow paws were covered in flecks of damp green grass and copper brown mud. Fall has its own unique color pallet and watching the world shift from summer into it, knowing that eventually it too will bleed away into the monochrome of winter... well it just inspired me.

So while I ponder the mix of golds, deep greens and burnt oranges at my disposal, you should expect to see a new color posted probably on Monday.

Now on that note, for those of you still looking to pick up our 3-strand Bavarian rope... this is your LAST CHANCE. Word from our suppliers in Germany tell me that this was a complete fluke, a one time job and not even (technically) allowed for export. I've got a few hundred feet of the stock left and whatever does not sell is going in my toybag.

So order yours now or miss out on this one of a kind rope.

2009-09-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Lay the smack down!
How many times have we seen this in porn? The dude is fucking her from behind and in between strokes he sorta halfheartedly swats her ass, usually in the exact same spot and much to the obvious annoyance of his co-star he continues to do so till it is time for his money shot. What, you don’t watch porn? What the hell is wrong with you?! I mean damn, what else is the internet for besides porn and Nigerian bank scams?

Well for those of you who don’t seem to enjoy the digital smut, let me fill you in on a little trend that is happening in “mainstream” pornography. More and more elements of sm play are leaking into straight porn, you see more and more spankings, face slapping and the occasional choke hold. Now I am not going into the last 2 items here as they will take much more blog space than I have time today, but suffice to say these things normally seen only in kink porn are now being seen by consumers of “vanilla” porn and frankly they are getting a terrible education if they think swatting a gal’s ass repeatedly in the same damn spot while fucking her is normal, or even welcome.

Over the course of my personal and professional career as a pervert, it has been my pleasure to deliver a number of spankings and I’ve grown to become an aficionado of the art. So here, let me share 3 important rules for giving a fun, sexy and hot spanking.

1) A good spanking can be a scene unto itself. While the guys in porn seem to think that the only time you should swat her on her ass is while you are jackhamering her from behind like a muppet on meth, sometimes it is the spanking that should be the focus of the scene. Like how you ask? I’ve aided wayward students when they have lost their motivation to finish a thesis paper. Visited very high powered executives in their penthouse offices and delivered a sound debriefing from behind closed board room doors and right now I’m rather looking forward to spending an evening playing out a “Mad Men” inspired dinner date where the host gets put over my knee for dessert.
2) Location, location, location. Now logic would dictate that one should want to strike the largest, meatiest part of the ass. Hence most folks tend to aim for what I like to call the “high and outside” area and usually end up hitting closer to where the hip joint is. This tends to mostly just sting and annoy. Instead aim low, right between the cheeks and just above the ass hole. This is the “sweet spot” where you can get a nice, meaty thump when you strike and the shock wave is felt in the person’s tingly bits. Now don’t suffer from SDS or “Same DAMNED Spot”, syndrome either. Target your strikes with varied speed and intensity around the sweet spot, even edging a bit into the high and outside territory, but focus on the good spot.
3) Connect. Maybe it is just me and how I tend to interact to my world through touch and texture, but bringing my hand down on a bare bottom. Feeling it connect and the warmth as skin flushes red, hearing that resonating smack and responding yelp is… is just wonderful. While I have an insane arsenal of floggers, canes and other such impact toys, nothing is quite as satisfying and connecting as my hand on the exposed flesh of another. Holding them close as they wriggle and squirm in both anticipation and in hopes of escaping the next blow… just makes me happy. Don’t stand back, a spanking is an up close and personal act.

Of course, once their ass has been soundly made into a bright red bundle of hand prints… feel free to jackhammer it like a muppet on meth …

2009-09-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Hear me flirt with Dan Savage on his podcast! (about midway through)

2009-09-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

Podcast, Call for questions
Matisse and I are setting up another recording session this Tuesday for some fresh podcast action. If you have a question regarding kink, polyamory, sex work or perhaps what Star Wars character we would most like to see naked, shoot me an email.

2009-09-09T10:19:00.000-07:00

Registration for Midori's Rope Dojo 2 Now Open

Rope Bondage Dojo Stage 2 registration now open for Stage 1 graduates. 10/16-10/18 SF. Space limited to 20.

I was planning on attending this dojo with Tambo, but she just informed me that she is booked that weekend. So go stag or find a dojo 1 grad to take with? Hmm....

2009-09-08T11:00:00.000-07:00

So it is an "up to my ass in alligators" sorta week thus far. While I would kill for a vacation, that just is not going to happen any time soon. I'm going to settle for thinking about all the kinky, nasty things I have in store for someone special later this week.

Till then, here is one from the vaults. A personal favorite post of mine.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

The Perils of Penetration

Ever look thought the “alt” section of the personals? Wonder why there are so many couples seeking a bisexual female for “exploration and fun”? Well aside from the fact that it is like every man’s fantasy, bringing another woman into the bedroom is probably the most common starting point for couples who are thinking about embarking on an “alternative” sexual lifestyle. The local alt weekly personals is where Tambo and I found our first shared girlfriend experience.

I’d venture to say that a lot of you poly and swinger types out there are nodding your heads in agreement at this point.

Besides being a good starting point, it is also a hell of a lot of fun. Three hungry bodies all tumbling about the bed together make for what we like to joking call “The Sex Olympics”. Of course this assumes that the girls are bi-sexual, or at least bi-curious. Now, a 3 way with two adamantly straight girls… oh that would be like trying to drive 2 cars cross country.

Start one up, warm the engine a bit, drive it down the road awhile, pull over, stop the engine, hike back to where the other car is and start over…

Which brings me to the real point of this posting today, dear readers, for this is much what a girl who brings two boys to her bed will be facing. I have had my fair share of MFM sex, now most of this was in swing club environments, so I’ll grant that the view is a bit skewed. However, hear me out. Sex with 2 girls is easy. Sex with 2 boys… damn near impossible. Why?

Well first there would have to be the issue of bisexuality in men. Now most kinky/poly/swinger women I know are bisexual, however only a handful (a tiny handful at that) of men are bi. Some would say this is due to how women are wired differently than men while others would argue that it is due to the homophobic male dominated structure of the alternative sexual culture. Either way, that is an argument for another day. The fact is ladies, the boys you will be taking to bed with you probably are not there to suck the other’s cock. If they are? Well then consider yourself extra lucky and skip this part.

Now for the rest of you, here is what usually happens.

Picture if you will, a sexy curvy naked woman with two strapping, hard boys all ready to get busy. The only thing is, the boys do not look at each other and rarely even talk to each other. Oh and heaven help you if you try to compliment the other’s sexual prowes, a sure sign that you are actually a fag and guaranteed to make the other guy go soft. Nope, at all times there must be at least one woman firmly planted between the two men.

That’s what keeps it from being gay, you know.

So now you have 2 hard boys and they are comfortably far enough apart to still fuck you while not actually having to touch or otherwise make physical contact with the other. Then the next issue you have to overcome is rhythm. That is right, rhythm. You see, every guy fucks to a certain rhythm. Some fuck to the slow and steady blues beat. While others prefer a more driven, up-tempo beat. Ladies, picture yourself on hands and knees, one man in front, fucking your mouth while the other is in back. The one in front is happily pumping away to a nice basso nova beat while the one in back is doing “Master of the Puppets” to your ass. I think you can see where I am going with this. You end up getting bounced around and ping ponged back and forth between the two.

Oh and let’s not even talk about what to do if one of the boys cums too soon while the other is far, far away from being done. Now there is one for Ms. Manners…

Ok, so you got your two boys in bed. They are ok being naked in the same room and comfortable enough with their masculinity to both be with in one naked girl’s distance of each other. Good, now you have them both marching (as it were) to the same beat and not slapping you back and forth like the Detroit redwings. Fabulous. So now for the $64, 000,000.00 question. What about DP? I mean here you have two nice hard cocks. Why not live out the porn star fantasy and do the deed?

Consider this; most bodies have only so many “angles of entry” as it were when having sex. Let’s face it, your bodies can only accept penetration at certain vectors. Men too have only a limited number of “vectors” they are capable to providing as well. Add to this the issue of lenght and the need to compensate if one of the partners is ... well less than gifted in the whole "vector" department. The sad truth is that it is like a freaking math problem, working out the angles so that you can get both cock A and cock B into your body with out feeling like you are about to be torn in two. Or worse, having them constantly pop out due to the impossible angles needed to maintain penetration. Nothing is more frustrating than getting everyone into position, getting things lined up, making penetration, start to fuck only to have one guys cock suddenly pop out and jab the other guy in the nut sack.

Oh and on top of all of this, your boys better really like each other. I mean really like each other. If you can overcome all these obstacles, remeber that there is only a small bit of tissue separating your ass and pussy. So from the guy’s perspective they are petty much rubbing cocks together inside you while their scrotums slap together. Personally, there are very few men I’m comfortable being that close to. Very few.

Oh and don’t even get me started on DVDA

2009-09-04T11:54:00.000-07:00

Monk, a tease? Never!

I've been hinting at this new, top secret, dye process for the last week. This would be our prototype results... black with bright metallic copper highlights. The keyword here is BRIGHT. My goal is to have rope that reflects stage and photo lights with stunning effect. We seem to have gotten past stage one, getting a metallic pigment to bond to the rope fibers and not wash or wear off. Next steps will be to test the ever living fuck out of the rope in order to see how well the color will wear and stand up to what our customers regularly put their rope through.

This means Monk has a lot of bondage to do next week... a LOT.

2009-09-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

Photographers? Want you bondage art to be seen by millions?

I'm currently working on some new advertising projects and need bondage photography of our rope in use. These print and web ads will be seen by millions of eyes, we are talking huge exposure here.

Details:
1) You must be the legal owner of the images and can provide model releases
2) All images must be "pg-13" or "r", no porn.
3) All models over 18
4) You must be using TwistedMonk rope
5) Deadline for this round is 9/11 (don't worry there will be more)

Themes we are looking for at this time:
"Exotic" (that can be the rope, the model or the mood)
"Masculine" (boys in bondage, baby!)

If your art is selected for this project we will include photo credits and URL on all print material as well as an info page on the main TwistedMonk.Com site.

How to submit:
Please send only 3, scaled to 800x600 / 300dpi max images to adworks@twistedmonk.com