Monday, December 31, 2007


So here we are on this, the last day of the year. The Abbey is silent as I write this, save the hiss of the over heater. The crews have today and tomorrow off so they can ring in the new year with a vengeance. Me? Only a few items on todays to do list and then I too will shift gears into celebration mode as well. I made a promise to some very good customers that they would have their rope in time for a party tonight and I am not about to let them down. Now I know I go on and on about how awesome my customers are, about how much I love hearing from them and seeing the joy on their faces when they use my rope. Most kink vendors would kill to get a look at my customer database, let alone have customers who so eagerly and freely thank them for the work they do. What can I say, I'm a damn lucky guy.

Then there are the rare breed of customers who go above and beyond, becoming more than just a good, faithful customer and go out of their way to show how much they care. I feel like I need to come up with some new classification for these folks, "good customer" seems so inadequate and "Super, awesome customer/ninja" seems a bit too silly, even for me. Their generosity goes way beyond just the value of the rope they buy. The title of "Patron" seems to gel with me when I think of them, folks who generously give of their time, homes and creativity.

With the bitter cold season in full swing, and lord how I have bitched about it here.. sorry, a few of these "patrons" have given me some wonderful gifts to help battle the cold. A reader, whom you may recall shared her sweet, beautiful body with me (and about 2 thousand lusty onlookers) at Folsom a few years back, sent one of these to the Abbey last week. Talk about a cool toy, pop this guy in the microwave and 3 minutes later you have warm hands (or warm whatever you place against it). Right now it is sitting against my lower back as I type this. I fear I may have to hide this from the rest of the crew, save they do not start a riot over it when they all return to work next Wednesday.

Now there is no worry about sharing the other item. Check these out, hand knit wool socks. How fucking cool is that? I have a serious weak spot for hand made things so these are just about the coolest thing in the world. Perhaps part of the charm was in the process. Katie, the sweetheart who made them for me first had to fit them to my feet. One chilly fall afternoon she came, knelt at my feet and gently removed my well worn lug boots and eased the half finished socks onto my feet. Touching and making tiny adjustments to her pattern as she stroked the soft wool against my sore feet was... well it was damn near orgasmic to be truthful. She is going to get extra points in Pervert's Heaven for this one, I assure you.

The finished product? Bliss, pure and simple.

Funny, here at the end of the year I am reminded of just how lucky I have been. So many of you have shared so much of yourselves with me, in stories, in gifts and in the biggest gift of all, you told others about us and spread the word about this quirky guy from Seattle and his little rope company. Sure I grumble about the cold or about having too much work to do, but at the end of the day?

I'm one damn lucky sob.

Labels: ,

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Overheard at the Abbey on a cold Saturday

“Say Monk, how late are we planning on working today?” Asked one of my newer minions as she made me my first (of many) cups of coffee for the day. (Yes, I have an employee who in addition to her regular tasks at the Abbey, she is also charged with being my personal barista)
”Um, probably 3 or so? I need to be downtown at Nordstrom’s by 4”
“Nordstrom’s!?” She responds with a confused look.
“Yeah, need to pick up some new threads for the New Years Eve party… you look surprised”
Blink, blink, “I, I just have only seen you dressed…” her eyes run the length of my dye stained BDU pants and lug sole boots.
“like an army/navy surplus store exploded on me?”
“Well yeah”
“I clean up well, I assure you.”

Ok, so the “Georgetown dockworker chic has a certain iconic appeal, but I really need to round out my wardrobe to include garments other than those seen in a Tom of Finland drawing.


Friday, December 28, 2007

In response to a comment to my grumblings about the possibility of snow in Seattle, the comment was made:
“I’m gonna have to make fun of you people on the west side of the state's inability to deal with an inch of snow...”

Be my guest.

I frequently do myself. Having grown up on a farm in Eastern Washington, I am very familiar with snow. Not a year went by when the water lines from out well froze up or we drug bales of hay behind us on our sleds out to the livestock. My fondest winter memories are those of my father and I plowing the long, winding mountain road that connected out farm to the rest of the world. I would man the road grater as it was pulled by our old, ww2 era tractor, its ancient headlights dimly illuminating the way ahead as we made way though the blinding white.

Yeah, I know snow.

I also know that being self employed means you don’t get things like paid time off or sick days. If I want to keep myself and my crew fed, I gotta be in the shop and filling orders. Sure, back when I worked for someone else I loved it when there was a threat of snow in the forecast. Even a dusting meant I could take the day off, mix up something warm to drink and watch as the morons in SUVs slid sideways down the hill in front of my house… news flash guys, a 4 wheel drive means nothing on ice.

These days I just cuss.

See, those same morons are also getting into three car piles ups on the bridges that separate me from my place of business, effectively shutting down access to my work for the rest of the day. Seattle traffic, already some of the worst in the US, comes to a grinding halt when it snows. Shipments don’t get delivered on time; orders can’t be sent out and must sit, forcing good customers to wait. If we can’t fill orders, we don’t get paid. Employees call in and inform me that the bus they would be taking in today just slid down a hill backwards in front of them and is overloaded with people who are not driving so they might be able to get into work, eventually. The work still must get done, so now yours truly (and whoever else manages to brave their way into the shop) have to shoulder the rest of the burden.

Top that off with the fact that the Abbey is a stone’s throw from the ocean, so when the temperature drops low enough for snow, the wind off the sea blows through this place like razor blades and no boss likes to watch his people shiver and suffer for a job. I may be a sadist, but I am not a monster.

So make fun of us all you like, but keep in mind there is more to this than just the stuff falling from the sky. Left to my own devices I love to stand outside and listen to it fall; the crushing lack of sound is otherworldly and strangely peaceful to me. However I have customers counting on me and employees banking on me to pay them.

Like the postman, I gotta be here no mater what the weatherman says.


Thursday, December 27, 2007

Not quite what I had in mind when I started featuring reader photos...


So, I couldn't help but notice your appreciation for "Reader Photos" showing off the new TM-wear, and I happen to have one myself. Of course, it's probably not quite what you're expecting ... I hope it gives you a laugh!


Bet you didn't know your new undies were edible! My dog has a panty fetish. (Lest there be any doubt, NO, I was NOT wearing the boyshorts at the time of the crime. I love my dog, man, but I don't LOVE my dog. Um, gross.)

And the culprit: Chai "Stitch Magee" Kajabooboo. Just look at the fangs on him. Those panties never had a chance.

Yep, it is Thursday! Never could get the hang of Thursdays...
In other news, goat fuck me Jesus is it cold in the Abbey today! If we were not shy half the crew and 2 weeks away from a major show, I'd be sending folks home. Yes we are talking it is THAT cold in here. Top it off with the threat of snow too. This one seems pretty serious too. Seattle has like 6 snowplows for the entire metro area and I passed 3 of them, warmed up and waiting at the top of strategic hills, on the way in.


Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Yep, you guessed it. I've got a few hours of stuff that must get done today if I want any hope of being ready for the upcoming Boston show next month. Now I know I could complain about how I gave the rest of my crew the time off, or whine here and try and elicit sympathy for my plight... but nah, this is how I choose to spend my day. I've never really been too keen on the whole, "but it is Christmas!" mentality of having to endure family and social events that otherwise you would avoid like a bad case of herpes. Rather, I think charity, gift giving and the general good will towards your fellow human is something that should be practiced every day of the year.

My day so far? It started out late, lingering with my Tambo for as long as possible then off to my favorite lunch spot, A perfect, warm oasis in the middle of the gray industrial pocket where my shop calls home, they too are not so much with the whole "holiday cheer" thing and have opted to open up today and serve coffee and fresh baked treats to folks who need an escape from the pressures of having to do so today.

Thankfully there are just a few hours of work to be done and when I am done I'm joining good friends for a nice, mellow afternoon of non-traditional holiday cheer... and maybe a round or two of Rock Band.

Happy Holiday, however you choose to enjoy it.


Sunday, December 23, 2007

The Pitch...

This one is just for the hard core readers, those who have been with me through thick and thin. I need your help, loyal reader. Here goes, I need a hook. Well not those kinds of hooks, I have plenty of those. No, I need a two sentence hook that best describes what this whole blog is about. Something that you could use to describe it to a brand new reader that would a) give them the general gist of what this is all about and b) entice them to want to read on. In the film world we used to call this the “30 second pitch”.

Something like, “The real life adventures of a former missionary turned polyamourous kinkster as he tries to change the world with hemp bondage rope.”

But I dunno, to my ears that just sounds weak, then again I have been writing here for nearly 4 years so perhaps my perspective is a bit skewed. See when folks ask me what my blog is about, I shrug and say “my strange life”, but just does not seem to capture it so well.

And so I turn again to you, dear reader, for your help. Just as you were wonderful in helping me organize the “Top 10 posts” (soon to be added to the site once my graphics guy gets back from vacation) I ask you. If you had to pitch this journal to a stranger and had 25 words or less, what would you say?

Here, let me sweeten the deal. If I use your suggestion, I’ll send you a very cool something. A piece of twistedmonk history.


Friday, December 21, 2007

Things they don't tell you when you are poly #34

If there is a good film in theaters, expect to see it multiple times.

On a whim Matisse and I just caught the midnight opening of Sweeny Todd. Yep, we both agree we will be seeing it several more times in the next week as we take our other partners out to see it. Good thing it was a damn fun film.

Say Tambo, what ya doin tonight?


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Things to do today... bottom to the boys at the industrial supply store.

One of the machines I use at the Abbey is busted. A specialized pump that we use to move scalding hot dye water about. So today I need to pack up the busted unit and take it over to the huge industrial supply company and see how much it will cost me to get it fixed. Since there really is no other model for just what we do, the tools and machines are all custom, one of a kind creations that we have developed over the years. Things that evolved from us going, "this sucks what if we did it this way... " and viola a rudimentary machine was born. That machine would then undergo countless upgrades and modifications along the way until now I find myself having to write down instructions for others on how to use it.

While I can spin a socket wrench with the best, I never was one for classes like metal shop and tend to glaze over when folks start going on about gear ratios and the hydrostatic pressure differential. Thankfully there is a huge company nearby that supply all sorts of gears and motors and such to heavy industry. You know, the kinda place where all the other customers wear shirts with their names embroidered on them and have more things hanging off their belts than batman. I can walk in, plunk down the broken motor and smile while they figure out the tough stuff. When they ask me, "What is your application?" I smile and give them the most generic answer possible. Thankfully they seem just fine with "textiles" and can go from there.

Of course this place is awesome for finding parts for fucking machines as well. In fact today I'll also be there picking up a replacement drive belt for Matisse's infamous machine. Seems one of my favorite MILFs wants to take it for a ride at an upcoming party. Again, when they ask me about the nature of the application, I'll smile and say, "Its for a motorized art installation."

Of course this tactic doesn't always work. I've spotted some very cool pipe fittings in a photo and want to obtain some. Said photo was from and I'm not about to plunk down a print out of said image and say, "So pay no mind to the chick getting impaled by the modified bread maker, what I'm really interested in are these pipes she is restrained to, whats that? No, sir I don't know why she has that in her ass, about these connectors..."

Nope, just not cool.

As for the fucking machine, well I guess I will just have to test said machine, you know to make sure it works properly...hmm Matisse and I do have a date tonight... hmm I wonder whatever shall I do about that.

Labels: ,

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Gawd Damnit, I hate it when this happens.

Here I was having a right fucker of a day, a full on goat sodmozing bastard of a day. The last day to get orders out the door for Christmas, the temperature seems to have dropped so low that no amount of layers can keep the heat from feeling like it is being sucked out of the souls of your feet, the minion insist on playing fucking holiday music, I’m still feeling like day old crap from this lingering cold and top it all off the knuckles in my left hand have started making this strange popping noise whenever I flex my hand (no doubt from all the extra whipping I’m guessing). Yes dear reader, a right pisser of a day and your hero was all set to growl his way through it. Shoulders squared and scowling, oblivious to the discomfort or my overwhelming desire to crawl back into bed next to someone warm, “Press on, do the job, meet the deadline and rest when you are dead”, was my mantra.

Then this had to happen, a customer had to go and send me a thank you e-mail! The nerve of some people! Not only was she so happy with her early Christmas present to herself and she wanted to say thank you. But also she just had to attach a photo of herself in the rope as well.

Wouldn’t ya know it, no sooner than I saw the look of utter bliss on the girl’s face then my whole miserable day improved! See for yourself, how can you even contemplate having a bad day when your customers say thank you like this?

Cold? Nah, not so bad actually. Just gotta make sure you keep moving and those carols? Could be worse, besides how can you not love the Muppets? The last orders were just delivered to the post office so now I can sit back with a well earned glass of whiskey and take a long, deep sigh of relief.

Now she sent two photos, one that I can share with you and one just for me, the photo I am not sharing with you shows her full face, blessed out in a rope glow that makes these sore, tired hands very glad they can keep doing what they seem to do so well.

So, my sweet Eris, thank you. you derailed my otherwise harsh day.

Labels: ,

God help me... The minion are listening to "The Muppet Family Christmas Featuring John Denver" and I have already used my "Change the music or you are fired" veto for the day...

Thank the gods for good whiskey.


Gotta get these orders to the post before last call, can't talk. Last little push before we can take a deep breath and gather our senses.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Into the mouth of madness

Welcome to the last 48 hour push, we need to get all the holiday orders out the door and into the postman's hands by close of business tomorrow. Save for a couple of local orders that will ship the next day, it looks like we will pull it off (and then some).

Of course somewhere along the line I seem to have lost my voice. If you see it, send it to the Abby care of Monk. Otherwise enjoy another one of Matisse's Podcasts, recorded back when I did have a voice. Seems folks really like our on air chemistry so we opted to join forces on a few more episodes. Who knows, maybe we might have something here. But what of our own short lived, "Breakfast at the Abbey" podcast you ask? It is not dead, rather we are in the process of re-tooling it and going to see about re-launching it in the new year.

Not having a voice also makes for finishing this little video thing I was teasing you all with last week a bit tough. Maybe after some soup today my voice will decide to make a comeback and I can attempt to get that last shot filmed.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Oh sweet christ, I just spent the last 5 hours whipping like 3K worth of rope orders! Wanna know the really mind bending bit? When I deliver this mountain of stock to the Abbey in the morning there will be another pile just as big (if not bigger) waiting for me and we have till Wednesday to get all the holiday orders out the door.

Hands don't fail me now.

Saturday, December 15, 2007


Hows the cold you ask? Bad. It seems to have settled into my lungs and is making me sound like a bad transvestite phone sex operator. While I would like nothing more than to curl up on the couch, drink hot tea and console myself with a couple of hours of kung-fu movies or maybe play bio-shock, no such luck for our intrepid hero. Nope, soon as this cup of coffee is done I must depart for the Abbey and see to all these Christmas orders. This year has seen a huge influx of international orders and the few remaining stragglers need to get into the postal system today.

So while I ponder just how slowly I can drink a cup of coffee, some updates.

We are officially on deck for this year's Fetish Flea Fair (In Providence RI this time) This one looks to be huge.
Dov , an excellent instructor and all around great guy, posted a very interesting observation about using our White Linen Hemp and its effects on hands.
Lolita Wolf, who is just awesome, was spotted sporting our new zip-up hoodie recently.

Oh and for those of you who are scrambling for last minute gifts? I've still got plenty of clothing in stock and turn most clothing orders around in 24 hours or less... just sayn.

ho'kay... coffee cup empty. Time to get my ass to work.

Labels: ,

Friday, December 14, 2007

This is it....
Today is your last day to safely place and order if you plan on getting it before Christmas. If you are waiting till the last minute, then don't wait any longer.

The cut off is midnight tonight.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Couple of quick snapshots today...

Feel sorry for our postman, he has been picking up stacks like this all week.

When he is not picking up piles of outboud orders he is delivering huge boxes of baked goodies to us. Good thing we now have minion to help consume all these treats, otherwise I'd be dead from a sugar overload. I love you guys, but damn! Are you trying to kill me or just make my trainer want to kill me?

Now I know what you are saying,"dude another rant about being busy and in a deathmarch... yawn" Not quite. Sure things are busy, but one must strive for some kind of balance. The other night, after spending way too many hours at the shop, Alex brought me some dinner and we tried out a new hang. Since he has new ink running down the sides of his body I can't put rope against his torso for another 3 weeks. So Daddy had to get a little creative.

Tomorrow, if I finish all my whipping and get these orders to the post on time, I'll see about finishing up that video thing I was teasing you with last week. With the crash of the old laptop I've been slow getting everything loaded up onto my new one. If not tomorrow then for sure by the weekend.


Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I will not get sick...*cough*
I will not get sick...*Snort*
I will not get sick...*Hack*
Great. This week is exactly the worst possible week for me to be running at reduced speed. Time to dose up on the drugs, down a bowl of pho and get back to work.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

And so the flood begins...
Going to be a "photo heavy week" I think as most of my waking hours are spent pumping out these Christmas orders. After several weeks of healthy pre-holiday sales, the floodgates seemed to have opened up and the work queue has exploded with orders. Awesome. (BTW. If you were planning on ordering, don't wait too long. We are already starting to run out of some stuff. and our order cut off for holiday delivery is this Friday!) So the next 10 days or so will be marked with some long days at the Abbey and late nights by yours truly while we bust ass to make sure all these happy perverts get rope under their Christmas tree in time. Good thing I have friends who send me things like this to keep me entertained while I whip rope.

She seems to think that this film would be right up my alley? Why I have no idea, I only watch artistic films, with redeeming social merit that address important human issues.... dude, who am I kidding! Machine gun arm? Drill Bra? Ninjas?

Sign me up!

Reminds me of my all time favorite "Tokyo Shock" film, "Ricky-O". A hyper violent, blood soaked, almost a live action cartoon of a splatter film with the thinnest grasp on reality that is sure to ruin any party you show it at and leave your guests damaged for years to come.


Monday, December 10, 2007

That Hannah Sends Me the Best E-mail!

What can I tell you about Hannah that you don’t already know? I met this brainy, sex-pot about 3 years ago at the first Austin Rope Craft Symposium. We tangled that weekend and ever since shared what has been a very cool friendship. She just keeps getting better and is easily in my top 5 “favorite bottoms” of all time list. I think the last time we played all I could do at the end as she lay in a pile of ropes was pant and swear, “ God damn girl, you are one tough bitch!”

She recently sent me this, um shall we call it a product endorsement?

When I was a young and budding kinkster, I experimented a bit with self bondage. Aren’t y’all just stunned?
Anyway, I figured out one day while masturbating that it felt really good to bunch the crotch of my underwear up and yank it up in the front. Felt really good, so I started doing it a lot. Problem was, I wanted my hands free for…other things, and while it still felt nice to have my undies all bunched up, without the tension it was lacking a certain something.
So being the clever girl that I was, I thought tying my panties into a bunch and somehow anchoring it so the tension remained constant was a good idea. And it was – it would have been a fabulous idea if I hadn’t used yarn. Yarn, as some of you may be aware, makes small knots. And they get smaller when the knots are…yanked on.
Which is how I ended up in the kitchen at midnight, rummaging as quietly as humanly possible (because my dad was watching TV in the basement and he had ears like a damn cat) through the junk drawer looking for a pair of scissors while my underwear slowly cut off my circulation under my flannel nightgown.
It’s been twenty years or so since I did that, but I just got the softest, most comfortable panties in the mail, and I have all this TwistedMonk hemp that’s just rough enough…
This works MUCH better.

She also sent a close-up, so you can take a closer look at her... um... knot work. click here for it. More than just a nice piece of ass, this girl can also write a damn fine sex blog.


Sunday, December 09, 2007

So that cool thing I was teasing you with on Thursday, not gonna happen today. Nope, my hardworking laptop picked this week to call it quits. Dead, dead, city of dead. Not to worry, having spent the better part of a decade in the IT world, I know the value of good backups. So now I'm off to replace my beast with something lighter (and maybe red?) and then dump all my data back down. I still have something cool for you all tomorrow, but for the video you shall need to wait a few more days.

Oh and the Santa gig? OMG what a hoot! I believe that MM will be posting so candid shots or maybe she will just hold them as blackmail material for a later date. Thanks to everyone who came out.

A big and warm thank you to a very special someone whose appearance made my night.

Friday, December 07, 2007

One down, one to go. Another town and one more show

Hmm, the performance at The Chill went off better than I had hoped. While not quite a last minute thing, Alex and I only had a few days to piece together something that we both liked and thought would be visually compelling to watch. While a more intimate venue (as opposed to say Folsom St), the crowd really seemed to groove on the scene. Regular theatrical bondage performances, as opposed to "dramatic scenes" is high on my want to do more of list. I really enjoy allowing the actor and the rope lover in me loose at the same time and letting them run amok that just feels, right.
We pulled a few strings and got the scene captured to film, so let me see about getting it imported into Premier and formated for viewing on-line.

Next up, the Santa gig. I must confess that I am both honored and a bit nervous about this one. Funny, you would think I should be more nervous about delivering a bondage performance with one rehearsal than sitting around being Santa for a night. But no, this is the first time I have ever been asked to come just "be" a celebrity anything. Usually, I am asked to come vend at events and end up being entertaining as well. I won't be selling any rope this time out, just selling my self. Sure, I suppose that this could be considered just another performance, but still it is a new kind of performance I guess? Or perhaps I'm just looking at this too hard. In the end, I'm putting on a Santa hat, being myself, smiling at the camera and helping some cool people raise money for a good cause.

Anyway you look at it, it is an honor and I'm really delighted to be doing it.


Thursday, December 06, 2007

Coming Soon to a Monk Near You.

OK, the next couple of days are going to be jam packed with cool stuff. So best I just start at the beginning and go from there.
Today, Thursday 12/6
I'm headlining at "The Chill" at Seattle's Center for Sex Positive Culture (Formerly "The Wetspot") Alex and I will be doing a mummification/suspension performance that should be pretty damned cool, if I do say so myself.
Here is a sneak peak:

For more info, check out the CSPC Website.

Tomorrow, Friday 12/7
Seattle Men in Leather Present, Pictures with Santa!
Matisse and I will be donning our holiday drag (in my case Santa as imagined by Tom of Finland) and doing our best to separate the naughty from the nice. Every year this event brings in lots of folks and helps raise funds for Seattle's Lambert House. I'm quite honored to have been asked to be a part of this.

After that?

Well Saturday is the 5th night of Hanukkah so I'll be spinning a dreidiel some of my favorite people, but not before unleashing something new for you all to enjoy.

Here is a teaser.

Sunday? Sunday I'm hoping to sleep the fuck in! Well I do get to spend some time with another one of my favorite people that day too.

But wait there is more! Did you see what Bacchus wrote about me on Eros Blog? You should go see, and then send him thank you notes. The traffic has been amazing (as have been the sales! )

Twistedmonk is part of The Stranger's Annual Strangercrombie Charity Auction again.

Oh and Monday, a reader photo that is sure to get your blood pumping! Lord knows it just about derailed my day when I first saw it.

Whew, I'm tired. You tired? I sure am. Think I shall go the fuck to bed now....

[edit] oh and those ebay auctions end today too!


Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I like to think of them as “Boxes of Potential Orgasms”

Of the many hats one wears when running their own company, “Director of New Product Development” is by far one of my favorite. I’m always tinkering with ideas, wondering just what sorts of devious delights you, my wonderful customers, will snatch up and make a permanent fixture in your toy bags. From the colors and kinds of rope we sell to what you might want to tie to, tie with or store your rope in. My brain is always taking notes. Sometimes we have different ideas as to just what makes a good toy, nosehook anyone? Sometimes, when I’m firing on all cylinders, I come through and bring you a winner… ball end ass hook anyone? Well it looks like this year’s Holiday Gift Box is soon to join the ranks of “winner”. At just over 2 weeks since launch, we have sold over 25% of our initial order with more new orders coming in every day. At just $99.99 this one looks to sell out soon.

Ya wanna know what makes my twisted little heart even happier? You guys figured out that you can put lots of other stuff in these boxes too. I designed the boxes so you could stash those how to books along with your rope, away from prying eyes if need be, and what happen? You guys sent me requests like, “Can you add Bondage for Sex and some panties to that box too?” Hells, yeah!.

In fact, for one special customer we went as far as to stuff over THREE HUNDRED feet of rope and still had room to sneak in a pair of panties. Luckily those boyshorts are pretty tiny, good thing we don’t sell boxer shorts or else this would have been a disaster.


Tuesday, December 04, 2007

2 Questions , One Story

“Why do you include shears with your kits? I won’t need them.”
“Why don’t you always finish your ends with knots? Isn’t that the traditional way?”

About once a week, with out fail, I get a variant of these two questions. I can answer both of them with one story.

A few years back Tambo and I were playing at a house party. At the time it seemed like forever since we last played, must have been in the run up to a big show, so I wanted to do something different for her. Rather than the spinning and giggle fest that is our suspension play, the plan was to take advantage of a cool bondage chair tucked in the corner of the space.

I am hard on my rope and like any responsible top, I make a point to replace my worn pieces before they fail. That morning I cut myself a new rope kit, too backlogged from whipping customer orders, these ends were still unwhipped. Instead, I opted for small, tight overhand knots at the end. Not my desired end, but for many this is the “traditional” and only way hemp rope ends should be finished.

Things started off wonderfully as I began wrapping rope around her and the body of the chair so that she was firmly affixed in place. In between giggles and low moans my Tambo, the ever responsible and good bottom, was sure to communicate with me as to the state of her well being, where the ropes were pinching and what might need shifting. We spoke in soft, loving tones to each other as I worked, both reveling in the warm and intimate cocoon that is often the hallmark of good SM play.

Then, as if a light switch was flipped, it all started to go suddenly wrong.

Tambo, even in the toughest bondage situations, can always give me a “two minute warning” when she’s nearing her limit and I need to start bringing her back down to earth. This time all I got was, “I think I’m gonna….”

Then she went slack. Pale and limp, her body starts to list to one side and pull hard against the ropes holding her in place.

The first thing to do in these situations is to not panic. I quickly start to untie the major pieces of bondage holding her to the chair so that I can get her on the floor and back among the conscious. I pull rope for what seems like an eternity, in truth it was probably a few seconds, till I’m down to the last wrap of rope when it happened.

The knots on the end of my rope jammed.

Franticly reaching around her slack body I could feel where they were wedged against the other ropes. Her shifting form locking them in place, turning the bondage into a tangled, mangled mass. A few seconds of tugging might make them come free, might being the operative term, but when it comes to your love even a few seconds is too long.
“fuck this” I mutter and pull the shears from their holster and start cutting. I reduce several hundred dollars of rope to scrap in a matter of seconds. No sooner is she down on the floor when she looks up at me with that sudden, embarrassed look of, “I didn’t just do what I think I did?”

That was the scariest minute of my life. Why do I give shears away with every kit? Because I pray to the gods that my customers never have to experience the terror of seeing their love go slack and not have the tools on hand to get them out. Already have a pair? Then give the set I send you to that new couple just starting out and tell them this story.

To those “traditionalists” who turn their noses up at the whipped ends of my rope (you laugh, but it actually happened to one of my customers in the UK) I say a big, hearty “fuck you”. I’d rather my customers be safe and come back for more than ever be “traditional”.

Labels: ,

Monday, December 03, 2007

A Long Overdue Reader Photo

I met Switch and Boy at last year's Winter Flea and they were such a sweet and charming pair. shortly afterwards they sent these photos of them enjoying their rope. For whatever reason (I blame a lack of caffeine) the images got stuffed away in an unnoticed archive and were recently re-discovered by yours truly.

Her smile is just contagious, isn't it? A shame that she asked me to mask her face. Oh well, limits are meant to be respected. Seemed like the company logo would look better than a plain old black bar or a mass of pixels, no?

So, my dearest apologies to them both! Thank you and hopefully we will see you kids again at this year's Flea.

In other news, at last night's Bondage is the Point party I got to test drive two new, awesome toys. Photos are soon to follow, but I'll tease you with this. This has got to be the coolest suspension toy I have ever played with. It is not cheap, but I think it could fundamentally change the way I approach certain types of suspension bondage.

If you have a photo of yourself or loved one flying the TwistedMonk.Com colors and want to show it off, please feel free to e-mail them to me along with anything you wish to share about yourself (blog, event, etc) and I’ll post them here.


Sunday, December 02, 2007

Don't Forget, Max's 201 Class Today

This is a great class and a great way to spend a rainy Seattle Sunday afternoon. Way more fun than trying to navigate a mall or downtown today. Now for those who might have missed Max's 101 class and thing they will be too far behind to get much out of this one, I say "pish-posh!" that's right you heard me. Max is a great teacher and this class is great even for total beginners.

I'll be there selling some rope as well as our new clothing. In fact, if you buy some threads from me today at the class I'll give you a present. Something cool, I promise.

Afterwards at the always awesome Bondage is the Point party I hope to be testing out a new piece of suspension hardware designed by my awesome steel guy.


Saturday, December 01, 2007

The things I do for my customers

I get all sorts of special requests from my customers. Sometimes they are tiny things, can I tweak the end whipping just a bit, other times they are pretty involved and will cost the customer more than a few extra dollars, for instance dying and re-twisting some Bavarian 4 strand in a red/black mix. Excellent customer service is the key to long term success, so I do my best to accommodate these special requests whenever possible.

Recently I got a very unique request from a customer who wanted a pair of our new boyshorts. In addition to the usual order info she wrote at the bottom of the order form, “And um, if you could maybe step on the panties with those sexy boots, that'd be a nice treat.”

Ah, the things I do for my customers.

Well I supposed the first thing to do would be to make sure my boots were properly prepared for the task. Now the Abbey can get pretty dusty, but just to make sure I take a good long stroll around the place. Removing the clothing in question from its sealed packaging, eliciting an annoyed and bewildered look from the minion who just spent the last 3 hours neatly folding and sealing said garments into individual plastic bags, I lay out some fresh wrapping paper. Can’t let the panties pick up any un-intended dirt from the floors,. I proceed to place my trusty size 11, steel toed, waffle stomper clad foot down on the shorts. I figure placing it so the toe was just shy of where the mound of her crotch would be was a good location. If she were wearing them, I’d probably rest my foot there and press my toe into her and enjoy her response.

Neatly re-packaged and sealed up, they make their way to, what I hope will be, a very happy customer.

Labels: ,