Wednesday, May 05, 2004

So I’m sitting in bed typing away at my laptop the other night. T is in the next room.
“Honey, what are the ‘gates of hell’?” T asks. She is filling out a new Yes / No / Maybe list.
“It is a device for CBT dear” , I respond in that married couple talking about gardening tone.
What’s CBT?”, she calls back.
“Cock and Ball Torture, dear”
“Oh…. So what are the Gates of Hell then?”
“…a really uncomfortable thing you put on your dick”
I hear the sound of laughter from the next room.
“Hmm, better rank that a 3”

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if everything came with a Yes/No/Maybe list? Imagine before starting a job you could fill one out.
Company sponsored sport’s team: Yes/No/Maybe
Socializing with co-workers outside of office:
Company coffee maker or Starbucks:
Eat Lunch at desk:
Selling or buying child’s cookies/candy/band raffle tickets/ etc

Or better yet, next house I buy I am so going to give a list like this to my perspective neighbors.

Long front lawns?
Non traditional color choices?
Large Parties?
Loud music?
After 10 pm?
Loud parties after 10pm involving guests in togas?
Loud parties after 10pm involving guests in togas while projecting The Rocky Horror Picture Show onto the side of the house?
Lawn gnomes?
Setting up a suspension rig in the back yard in order to practice?
Wearing a full suit of armor while walking your dog? (T has been doing this in order to get acclimated to her new armor)
Hearing your neighbors fuck on a Sunday morning while you’re working in the flowerbeds just outside their bedroom window?
Not mowing your back yard for a full year, just to see what happens?

Oh the list goes on and on. Some days I actually feel sorry for my neighbors…. Nah not really.