To Sir, with love.

Somehow we had done it again. Dawn was creeping into the room as Dancer and I lay sprawled out in each other’s arms on the sofa. Books of erotic photography lay about the floor, next to the strewn ropes and other debris from our lovemaking. Stretched out like big, languid cats, we listened to French pop music and nibbled on chocolates while talking. We talk a lot after sex, asking each other questions, telling stories, and saying things like “oh… that bit was really nice, let’s do more of that next time.”

She asks about T and I tell her about how proud I am of her and how well she has done performing this year. In turn I ask her about her primary partner, Sir, and she tells me of his recent adventures. We laugh at how similar they are. I like this part. I like hearing about her and her world as much as I like sharing mine with her. Why do this? Why care about the man who gets more of her attention than I? I don’t want Sir to be, “the other man in my lover’s life”, but rather I see him for who he is. An integral and important part of what makes Dancer who she is, just as T is to me.

If you are going to be poly, you must respect the importance of the primary relationship. I tell my lovers that if they had fun with me, they should go and thank T for it is with her blessing and trust that I am here. If a lover does not show T the proper respect… well they are not my lover for long. In turn I try and treat my lover’s primary the same way. I know that after our short time together is over, Dancer will return to Sir. They have far more history together and in the end, after Dancer and I have run our course, they will remain together. Now I guess I could resent that. Feel jealous that he gets more of her attention and try to somehow sow seeds of discontent. Perhaps even try to supplant him from his number one slot in her life. And monkeys might fly out my ass.

This is where that empathy thing comes in. I know that if someone tried to replace T in that way, I’d end that relationship in a heartbeat. I expect, no demand that my lovers recognize the importance of my primary relationship. No, they don’t have to be friends with T or hang out with her when I am not around, but they must respect how important she is my life and understand that she is THE most important person in my world. In turn, I try and do the same with my lover’s primary partner. Granted, with Sir it has been pretty easy to do. I genuinely like the guy and enjoy his company so it is really not that hard.

And so, as we embrace at the end of our night together Dancer kisses me and tells me, “Give T my love.”
“And give mine to Sir”