The trick

Some once asked me what I thought the “trick” was to making poly relationships work. “The secret to making it work is to enjoy the differences in your lovers. Not the similarities. Focusing on similarities will only lead to unfair comparisons, jealousy and heartache”, I responded.

He was obviously not tracking what I just said so I put it like this.

“You know that I love food, right? I love both Thai and Indian food. Given a choice I’d be happy going out to either for dinner. Now Tambo is not a fan of Indian food, however she loves a good Thai curry. S, on the other hand, can’t stand Thai food but she really enjoys Indian curry. This could be a problem if I were to focus on the similarities. I could look at S and say, ‘well Tambo likes Thai why don’t you? Maybe her palate is better than yours?’ Or I could try and use guilt to force Tambo to eat tandori with me. However the end results will be unpleasant.

Instead you enjoy the differences. On Friday night Tambo and I can go out and enjoy the savory basil and peanuts of good pad thai together while sipping our Thai ice teas. And on Saturday night, S and I will be eating spicy nah bread and listening to the latest Bollywood pop songs as we enjoy the lemony flavor of chicken fresh from the tandori oven. For me, the trick is to enjoy both meals as different events with very different lovers. Each is a unique moment that cannot be duplicated with the other and really should not. And in the end? I get to dine on two wonderful cuisines and never go hungry.”


Of course there are those times when I make a curry they both enjoy. Now that is when it really gets fun.

With that, let me share a recipe for an Indian style curry that both Tambo and S enjoy.

2 tb Butter and 1 tb oil
1 1/2 lb Beef or lamb, 1 1/2" cubes
2 Onions, large, chopped
2 Unpeeled cooking apples Cored and chopped
2 tb Curry powder
4 tb Flour
2 c Beef stock
1/2 c Seedless raisins
1 tb Tomato paste
1 tb Major Grey’s chutney
Salt and pepper

In a large skillet or Dutch oven heat the butter and oil over
moderately high heat. When the foam subsides, thoroughly brown the
meat a few pieces at a time and remove to a side dish. Cook onions
and apples in the same fat until lightly browned, and add to the
meat. Add the curry powder and cook slowly for a few minutes. Whisk
the flour into the beef stock, pour over the curry mixture, whisking
to prevent lumps. Heat to simmer, stirring constantly. You want a
smooth, thickened sauce. Add remaining ingredients, simmer a few
minutes more and return the meat, onions and apples to the pan. Cover
and set in the middle of a preheated 350 degree oven for 2 hours.
Serve with plain boiled rice.