So I’m having this conversation with a friend today… of course it was about sex. Specifically the odd things folks like to use as sex toys. The ever popular, and versatile, cucumber was mentioned. My friend tells me with wicked pride, “Well… I once used a cucumber on a girl then watched her make me a cucumber sandwich afterwards. She even trimmed the crusts off the bread”

Not to be outdone, I countered with this. “I once asked a lover grow her own cucumbers in her garden. She fed and watered them everyday and they grew *quite* healthy. Seeing as how they were English cucumbers she named them names like “Nigel” and “Roderick”. When the time came, she chose her favorite and… and we had a nice salad afterwards.”

I am an evil, evil man.