Friday, October 15, 2004

The 3 strikes rule.

"So, what do you do for a living?"
Eventually, everyone will ask that. Talk to someone long enough and the conversation will go down that path. Now for the most part I'm very open about what I do, however not everyone is too keen on the whole "sex industry" thing so I sometimes have to fudge a bit about such things. I suppose I could just out and out lie. Tell them that I am a "Drug Mule" or an "Image Consultant for the Moral Majority" perhaps? No, instead I prefer to play the "3 strikes and your out" game with them.

Take, for example, a recent conversation I had with an insurance sales person. Now she was a nice enough gal, a 50 something mom who drove an absurdly large SUV, lived in the suburbs and probably considers "adventurous sex" to be fucking in any room other than the bedroom, with the lights on.

"Blah, blah, blah... so what do you do for a living?"
Strike one, give them a generic answer and then try to divert the conversation elsewhere
"Me? Oh I have a small retail internet company, so tell me about this dental benefit again?"

"Oh that is nice. What do you sell?"
Strike two, now I am trying to be nice here but you were not satisfied with my answer so I'll give you a bit more and hope that settles it.
"Organic hemp products"

"Really? What kind of products? "
Strike three...
"I make and sell bondage rope to the sex industry."
Several seconds of dumbstruck silence
"You what?!"
Ok hon, I tried, I honestly tried but now you asked for it
"Bondage rope, you know so people can tie each other up and fuck? I supply most of the sex shops on the west coast and some of the best hardcore bondage websites in the industry. In fact I'm currently in negotiations with a major porn studio to supply rope for an upcoming series of videos."

That usually shuts them right up.

Of course Tambo has come up with a rather creative cover story.

You don't make "bondage rope". Rather, you make rope for historical re-enactors and wooden boat restorers. Yeah, that's the ticket... rope for renaissance fairs and whatnot. We can even setup a website, call it ""

Maybe, but there is that part of me that just loves the look of shock in their eyes when I tell them.