A Post By Dancer...

As Monk is sick, he asked me to guest-post something for him, a request I was pleased to fulfill. So, without further ado:


Five Reasons Why Monk Is A Great (Secondary) Partner For Me.

He gets that while honesty and integrity are important, one's social life is a form of theatre, and it's crucial to perform beautifully. Monk and I are both total divas, and we bask in each other's glow.

When it comes to understanding and appreciating unusual cuisine, I rank somewhere alongside Bill Clinton. I get far too many meals handed to me through a drive-up window. Monk shoves me, protesting, down a road away from chain restaurants and Styrofoam take-out containers, and towards food that's a bit more unique.

He's absolutely fabulous at just going right along with any kind of wacky verbal role-play I throw at him while we're fucking. Am I suddenly Catwoman? Poof, he's instantly Batman. Am I a naughty schoolgirl? Okay, he's Father O'Flaherty. I swear, if we were in bed and I suddenly started pretending I was Mary Tyler Moore, Monk would answer in the voice of Lou Grant. (Or, knowing him, Ted Baxter.)

I think Monk sort of generically adores women, but when he's with me, all that lovely adoring energy gets focused on me, and it feels really, really nice. Monk is the only man of my acquaintance who I truly think would make an excellent gigolo. By that I mean, not only is he well-equipped (Trust me!) to have sex with female clients with their pleasure in mind, he could also cater to their desire to feel…well, adored.

He is often silly – and I love to be silly with my intimates. Too much heavy shit in the world! Let's speak in ridiculous pretend-French accents, make up dirty limericks in bed, and sing eighties pop lyrics at each other. Laughter is the aphrodisiac…