Friday, October 22, 2004


Recently over dinner with Galahad we fell into the topic of sex. I know, I know it is rather scandalous, me talking about sex in public. Have no fear; we made a point to sit out on the empty patio so we would not spook the locals too much. As we waited for our meals to arrive I shared with him some of the highlights of a date I had recently with a new play partner.

“Yeah, so there we were in what had to be the skankiest hotel room ever. The place reeked of stale cigarette smoke and mothballs. This place was so low rent; the Gideon’s would not leave a bible in the room”
“How do you know that?”
“I looked for one.”
“Um and why would you do that?”
“I wanted to spank her with it.”
“Ok that is just wrong”
“Nah, just par for the evening”

I proceeded to explain to my disbelieving friend that the goal of the evening was degradation play. My date had specifically asked me in the calmest most reassuring tones that tonight I was to do my worst, to use her body as my own personal plaything. I must confess that while no stranger to rough play, full on degradation play was a challenge for me. I was curious how far I could push myself emotionally that night, just as I wondered how hard I could push my date while still making sure we were both having a safe and good time.

“…so then I tied her up in the shower and proceeded to pop her golden cherry.”
“You did what?! You pissed on her?!”
“Sure did, was kinda hard actually… you know, I thought for a minute I would get piss shy and not be able to. Honestly thou, that was not really the worst thing I did to her.”
“You have got to be kidding, what would that be?”
“Slapping her face, I was not sure if I could do that”
*blink* *blink* “you… you slapped her… on the face?!”
“Yes, repeatedly”
“And she liked that?”
“Dude, she begged me to do that”
“…but why?!”
“Probably because it made her pussy wet?”

I must say that I can empathize with my distraught friend. Being a “Sensitive, Caring, Enlightened Male” in our culture, there are certain things you just do not do. Strike a woman on the face? Oh no, that is only something the loosers on Jerry SPringer do, the lowest of the low. So let it be said that I am and always will be a “nice guy”. I’m the kind of guy who opens doors for old ladies, let’s people merge in front of me in heavy traffic and have been known to even feed stray pets. Let it also be known that I have a sadistic streak that I have slowly been coming to grips with and learning how to embrace and nurture.

I long ago came to accept and encourage the fact that I rather enjoy the sight of an upturned ass, ready for all manner of torment. Bend you over my knee and spank you while you thrash about and protest? Why just typing that makes my cock twitch. However there is a substantial difference between striking a soft round, well padded ass and the face of a beautiful young woman.

Up to this point, I had never done this. Sure I have been rough and savagely griped a lover’s face… but outright striking her? Oh no. That was a new place for me, uncharted waters. Even though we had previously negotiated this and I knew she was ok with it, when push came to shove and she was kneeling there before me, looking up at me with her large sweet eyes. I, I faltered. I was so close, so close to skipping this thing and moving onto some other torment, a torment that I was more comfortable with.

You see, when I play the sadistic top role, I keep a mental tether, if you will. A safety line, tied tight to the moorings of the “nice guy” I am. As I grow comfortable with the scene and my partner, I let the tether out a bit father, allowing myself to immerse myself further in the waters of my own sadism, yet still keeping grip on where the shore is. I know that both I and my bottom are relying on that tether. In the end, it is my responsibility reel us both back in to shore, to come back to reality. To not go too far and end up really hurting someone. There comes a point however, when the place you want to go is just beyond the reach of that tether. You stretch out to reach it, but it is just beyond your grasp. At that point you can hold fast to your tether and declare that out of reach thing a “hard limit”, a place you will not go. Or you can take that leap of faith, trust your skills as a swimmer and let go of the tether and venture out into the deeper waters.

In that moment, after pushing all the anger and fear out of my head, I chose to let go of the tether. To trust my own ability to swim in these waters and that I had the strength to swim to shore, carrying my partner if need be.

With open palm I raised my hand and brought it down on her face, hard. The sound of the rough skin of my hand connecting with her soft cheek was quickly drowned out by the moan of ecstasy that escaped her lips.

Talk about a liberating moment.

For the remainder of the evening we swam in the deep waters of my sadism. Binding, beating and humiliating her in all manner of ways. And it felt really good. With strong strokes I swam in those waters, keeping an eye on shore at all times. When our night came to a close, bodies wracked from sexual exhaustion, we lay together amongst the debris of our night. Feeding her dark chocolate and Perrier we both smiled and laughed at the sight. Condom wrappers stuck to our backs as we rolled about in laugher and cuddles, both safely again on the shore.

a closing thought, does this mean I now want to slap the faces of all my lovers? No, but I know that I am a much stronger swimmer than I previously gave myself credit for and will swim deeper and farther with them... when the time comes to do so.