With a tip of the hat to The Mistress who makes this look easy...
Three little words my dear, three little words.

I swear to you, dear readers, as a pervert. This was an actual call I got this week at the shop.

Ring
“Twistedmonk”
“Um.. yeah, hey so, um like you sell rope?”
“Yeah we make and sell the finest hemp rope in the world”
“Hemp, yeah…like… as in sativa?”
“No, that would be marijuana. Our rope is made from industrial hemp…”
“So like you just use the stems? I mean I could like totally take the flowers and leaves off your hands, dude.”
“Um no all the raw rope is made for us in Romania and shipped here?”
“Really? So like what, you smoke the rope then?”
“Err... no”
“Dude, that is like a totally wicked trick. Shipping it in as rope. Sorta like that movie where they made the van out of dope and drove it across the border…”
“Nope, not like that.”
“Come on, I be you are smoking some now.”
“Look, you will need to smoke a joint the size of a telephone pole before you’re gonna get a buzz”
“oh…”
click

Confidential to Sir, ouch you sadistic prick! Thank you.