Monday, November 29, 2004

Oh I wish I had an Oscar Meyer wiener…

I used to teach an erotic photography class to swingers. You see, swingers love to take nude photos of themselves. The only problem is that most of these shots suck. Not even good amateur porn here, just plain old bad. As part of the course, after teaching them the basics of composition and how to properly light a woman so she actually looks like someone you would want to fuck, I always used this line when talking about shooing photos of men.

“Now boys, there are more than enough photos of men’s cocks out there. Unless you have something REALLY creative to offer, like dressing it up in a sombrero or a tiny saddle, don’t bother. The cock quota has been filled.”

Recently, while flirting with the quite yummy Ms Woo, I found myself re-telling this story. She erupted in laughter upon hearing this and issued me this challenge. “You know what, my website gets bombarded with photos of guys sending me photos of their cock. So many that we decided to hold a ‘show Ms. Woo you cock’ contest. If you send me a photo like that, I guarantee you will win”

Now how can I pass up an offer like that? The only real issue I could see was where to find a tiny sombrero? Enter the amazing Tambo. No sooner had I said this quandary out loud and she is on e-bay asking me questions like “Can I also buy you a mini guitar for the shot?” She may call herself an “enabler”, but I call her an evil genius. Once we had the needed prop, my next call was to Dancer. She’s an accomplished photographer and I want a pro for this kind of task. Proper lighting and angles and all that. Not to mention that upon hearing my idea she burst into laughter for 10 straight minutes. Upon regaining her composure she said, “Of all the lovers I have ever had, NONE have ever asked me to do this. Oh hell yeah!”

Now this would not be all just fun and games mind you. The company is soon to release a line of 4mm finished hemp. If you have read this blog much, you will know that I am firm beliver that every top needs to bottom and experience life at the receiving end of their chosen tools. My rope is no different. Before I can go out and tell a potential customer that this rope is in fact the greatest thing they will ever experience against their pink bits, I better be willing to put my own pink bits up to the test. Besides, I rather enjoy putting my pink bits to the test, if you will.

Props now secured and photo date set, now all I needed to worry about was if I would… shall we say rise to the occasion?

But what am I saying? You’re tired of me rambling on and want to see the photos. I should warn you, these are seriously NOT work safe. Oh no, that is unless your co workers are ok with gratuitous sombrero porn.

Now this posting is not just about me displaying my wedding tackle to the entire world, no there is more. You see, Dancer and I had so much fun with this idea that we have decided to launch a new art website devoted to it. We plan on calling it “” and hope to feature a wide variety of creative cock shots. In addition we plan on offering downloadable backdrops that you can print out and use for your very own cock photo. Why there is even talk of making downloadable costumes, muck like the paper dolls of old.

Yes, we know that the cock photo will never truly go away. But at least this way we can do our part to help bring a bit of fun back into penis photography.

Oh you’re still reading? What’s that? I have yet to post the link to the actual photos?

The Cock Rope Corset (really not work safe at all)
The Mariachi Cock (oh this one is just plain wrong)

Now go do me a favor and e-mail Ms. Woo and tell her to pick my shot as the winning wiener and that she should then go out with me for strong drinks and some serious flirtation.