Tuesday, November 09, 2004

A Question of Fetish

Dancer has this strange power over me. When I hold her naked body close to me, I am torn. Part of me wants nothing more than to cradle and caress her soft brow and plant kisses on her supple neck. While the other, more primal side, hungers to wrap her hair in my fist and pull her head to one side, exposing that same bare neck so that I can sink my teeth into her pale flesh.

Of course, she is really no help here due to the fact that she loves it when I do both.

And so the other night, after satiating our primal hunger, laying naked on the floor of her studio, we set about to indulge our tender sides. As fingers caressed sore muscles and kisses applied to fresh bite marks, our conversation turned to the topic of “Fetishes we have but are not really proud of”

“…so, what about you?” She asked after sharing something that quite frankly made all the blood in my body rush south.
“um.. aside from the lawn gnome thing?”
“No, threatening to have a lawn gnome as part of a scene does not count as a fetish.”
“really? Even if it is one of those one’s with the cool wheel barrows?”
“No, never ever.”
"But what if I just lined a bunch up like they were watching?"

So what makes a really good fetish anyways? Is it the extreme or sheer outrageous nature of the act that makes it good? Or could it be the deep seeded roots from which the fetish grew that makes it work? Or could it simply be that a good fetish is something that is simultaneously titillating and embarrassing to us? Something that makes our pink bits throb with anticipation yet we just seem to know that this is not right (for what ever reasons you choose, god/society/your parents/the laws of the land/ the laws of physics)

Honestly I think we all have something, something lurking there in our sexual psyche that we are afraid to admit really that it really gets us hot.

Now kinksters have a bit of an advantage here. For most kinky people, fetishes are not things that must be closeted and hidden from view. Rather a good fetish is something to be explored and mined for all sorts of play opportunities. I would argue that most kinky folks go about collecting new fetishes, always seeking out new and fun ways to get off while enjoying the taboo nature of it all.

Lord knows I do.

Some of my fetishes are long term, deep rooted things. While others are more of a fleeting curiosity, sort of “the fetish of the week” things. The point is that we all have them at some level and that as a kinksters embracing and exploring that fetish is part of the appeal of kink. As long as you are not endangering yourself or your partner and in the end still being a reasonable adult, go nuts! Throw open the doors of your perv closet and see what is inside.

The key here, start small. Don’t jump off the deep end, enjoy the unfolding process.

Let me give you a personal example. I’m a bit ashamed to admit it, but I really like bad homemade porn. You know those tacky Polaroid shots in motel rooms? My inner fine art photographer rails and screams at them. From a technical aspect they are crap, the models in them are… well less than spectacular, and the photographer’s obsession with a certain 3 square inches of female anatomy often borders on grotesque. I'm an accomplished photographic artist. My stuff has been shown in erotica shows across the country. Prints of my work sell well and hang in all sorts of places. Over the years I have even taught classes at swing clubs on how to take GOOD self nudes. I should turn my nose up at this substandard amature crap! Yet in the end, when surfing for porn, I always find myself drawn back to those shots with poor production values and less than perfect subjects.


I think a lot of it has to do with the honesty of the moment. Having shot still porn as well as professional porn videos I know how much “tweaking” of reality we do. When I snap a photo of a model, I know that I have already spent hours pre-setting all the lights and will spend more hours in Photoshop tuning and correcting the image till it is perfect. My model, while beautiful and talented, may be there just for the money or experience of posing for me. Contrast that with some anonymous couple shooting dirty photos of each other while they are off fucking while on holiday. Nobody is making any money here. (Well not from the images that is) They are not doing this for the sake of art. No, they are doing this because the act turns them on. The girl, or girls, are spreading their legs and smiling not because they are being paid to. No they are doing this because it makes them horny. It is that honesty, in a sea of fake tits and pre-fabricated passion, makes the images real for me. It is that reality that makes me hard.

Powerful stuff.

I once had a lover who embraced this fetish of mine. She would make it a point to take random snaps of herself and e-mail them to me. Simple things like a quick snap of skin taken on her camera phone from a public restroom to elaborate shots of her laying nude in front of a mirror.

In hindsight, I probably dated her for longer than I should… she was what you might call, “A fuck that turned into a lover”, but that is a story for another day. But I must say that I do miss getting those e-mail presents from her. They always made my day.

So, today’s homework! You remember last week when I asked you all to think about your fetishes? Now take a moment and pick a small one, a gateway fetish if you will, and write it down. First step to making it come true is to acknowledge it. You don’t need to share it here, but if you did that would be very cool.

Embrace your inner pervert, and then give him a good spanking!