Come Out And Play

There is an interesting linguistic distinction when talking to swingers versus kinky when talking about “playing” with someone.

Now if I were a swinger and said to my partner, “So (insert name of fucktoy du jour here) would like to go play sometime. I’m thinking next Saturday night. Cool?”
The rough translation here would be, “This woman and I are going to get together, remove all our clothes and do our best to fuck the other one till we collapse from dehydration”

That same statement, when said about a kinkster would roughly translate to, “I’m going to take this woman, hang her from the rafters and then proceed to gently caress her with a wiffle ball bat.”

Notice the semantic difference?

For the kinksters, there was no mention of sex. I know this might sound odd, lord knows it did to me the first time I heard it, but “playing” with someone in the kink sense does not automatically imply that you will, in fact, fuck them. I know several, very astounding tops who will thrash you, suspend you, pierce you, and otherwise fuck your world up in the most astounding ways… and they won’t fuck you. There are any number of reasons for why this is. The most common seem to be that a) when you top someone and take them to another place, to another level of consciousness, sex clouds and confuses that space. As well as adds a layer of weirdness if the person you are playing with is NOT a lover. And B) it is impossible to maintain the air of dominance at the moment of orgasm.

Me? Oh honey, I suspend your ass and I at least want a “thank you blowjob.”

Ok maybe I exaggerate a wee bit, but I know that my sexual drive is closely linked to my SM side. For the longest time I just could not wrap my head around this concept. I figured why go to all the work if you are not going to get your dick wet when you are done? Perhaps it is has to do with my swinger background. There it really is all about the proverbial “insert tab A into slot B, repeat as necessary.” I gave my first spanking as part of foreplay and as I came to grips with my emerging sadism, sex was always the end goal. Nothing says “sorry about that hand print on your ass” like a screaming orgasm.

As my skills as a top expand and I spend more and more time doing public scenes and what I call “Show Suspension” work I’m starting to come to grips with the idea that I don’t HAVE to fuck this girl as she dangles in rope next to me. Slowly I’m starting to wrap my head around it. Sure it would be nice, but I draw pleasure from just the act of taking her somewhere, to breathe deep her peril and fear, like a sort of sex vampire or a salt monster from Star Trek, I feed off the little waves of desire she radiates.

Thankfully I have some very good mentors who have helped teach me to hone this skill…

Of course I’m not about to turn down that thank you blowjob. I just make sure that this little semantic twist does not get me in trouble. These days I make sure to say, “Want to play and fuck sometime?”