Cuz Ya Gotta Have Faith...

The inquisitive C wrote and asked,

“…one of your recent blogs made me curious, because it referenced a Christian past. Were you still going to church when you encountered BDSM?

Cause I was/am. I "discovered" my kinkyness about 2 yearsago when a friend revealed that he liked to be tied up, and I was like "oh shit - I'd like that too". And since then I've sort of been trying to figure out how to make my faith and my sexuality work together.

So I was just wondering whether or not faith was at all an issue at any point in your
kinky journey.”

Well bless my baby Jesus butt plug! What a great question!

I suppose I should start off by saying that yes, I did spend the first half of my life entrenched in radical fundamentalist Christianity. I have since spent the last half trying to make amends for those narrow minded years and the massive Karmic debt incurred. As for being kinky? While I had an inkling that I was not quite like my other fellow church goers, it would be years before I would realize that I was kinky.

Now when it comes to organized religion, these days I identify myself as an atheist. A happy atheist who derives a great deal of personal peace from knowing that this life is, in fact, all we have so you better make the most of it.

So the question stands, can you have a personal religious faith AND be kinky? My first reaction would be a loud, “Oh hell no!” but we have already determined that I am just a wee bit biased on matters of religion. So I sought out the advice of one much wiser, The Mom. For those of you who have been reading this blog for a while, you know all about my amazing mother in law. For the new kids, here is the cliff notes version: The Mom spent 30 years as the devoted wife of a high ranking Mormon bishop, discovered she was kinky, got excommunicated, got divorced, found a wonderful master, lives a 24/7 slave, and bought me my first book on rope bondage.

Suffice to say, she has oceans of wisdom when it comes to this sort of thing.

While we may disagree on the need for a personal faith, we did however agree on this, it’s possible to be kinky and have a personal faith but not so easy to have personal faith and be kinky.

What do I mean?

Well let’s say you were in a public play space like the WetSpot some Saturday night and go, "Gee I’d love to stay and watch this blood play scene, but I’m supposed to be baking the cookies for my prayer meeting tomorrow morning" Ok, you might get some odd looks, but that is about it. Maybe it is a function of the lifestyle but most kinky folks are really not going to care all that much.

However, lean over to the person in the pew next to you and say “I got spanked so hard last night! My ass still has hand prints!" I’m guessing you are going to have the missionaries at your door before you get home and a lot of explaining to do at the next ladies prayer meeting.

So what am I saying here? Are kinky people somehow better you’re your average churchgoers? Maybe... just a bit. Honestly, to be kinky you have to be much more open and non-judgmental than most. When the rest of the world may think the thing that gets you off is dangerous/immoral/strange one tends to not pass judgment on our own kind. Also, most kinky organizations and events encourage all genders, orientations and sexual identities. So at any given time the person next to you could be gay, trangendered, or even a republican. I know, it is truly shocking, but there are Republican Kinky people in Seattle. I know some… scary.

Now this is not to say that kinksters are all these great enlightened souls who never are divided or disagree. Quite the contrary, but they are more likely to not pass judgment on you than your church going folks might. As I see it, you like to talk to God? Good for you. If that works for you, you go do it. I like to wear studded leather corsets. Not your cup of tea? No skin off my nose.

As for how the man (or woman, or super intelligent shade of blue) upstairs feels about you liking to tie up and hurt your partner? The Mom summed it up better than I ever could.
“God gave us these bodies and this life. He wants us to be happy, if this makes you happy and it is consensual then aren’t you pleasing god?”

In the end I guess it is something that you have to make peace with in your own way.

I will, however, close this with this one small warning. Once you cross the threshold and discover your own kink, those things that work for you sexually, there is no going back. Like Pandora, you have opened the box and let loose something. Despite what they might tell you, there is no putting that back in the box and forgetting that it was ever there. You can try, but it will only bring you guilt and pain... and a huge therapy bill someday.

To deny your sexuality is to deny your humanity and any god that demands of you is not a god worthy of your faith.