I have one toy in my arsenal that I enjoy the most. This toy does not rest in my toy bag along with the thousands of feet of rope or shiny steel elements of delight. No this toy is a special toy, one that I just adore to use and have spent many hours perfecting it’s use.

That toy is my voice. More specifically the ability to talk dirty. The ability to talk dirty is a key skill for anyone who wants to be good in bed. Nothing changes the tone of sex like a well-timed whisper or sets the pace of power play like a snarled threat. This skill is portable, low cost and highly adaptable to whatever sort of scene or lover you may find yourself in.

To often when we think of someone talking dirty we get that mental image of some fat balding porn star doing his high calorie Casanova routine while some silicone-enhanced honey sucks his knob. You know what I mean. He mutters banal encouragement in a semi-bored state while her head bobs away in his lap.

Ok, ditch that crap. Here are some guidelines from which to start.

1) Find your voice. Ask yourself who are you trying to be? What is the character you wish to portray here? Are you the soft and warm tones of a well-schooled lover? The kind who can whisper sweet encouragement into the ear of his lover? Or are you the bastard child of Glenn Danzig and Illsa? The kind that growls and who’s words feel like sharp sudden fists.

Find the voice that fits your style. Start off with just one; over time you will develop more.

2) Choose your vocabulary. Most folks think you can just say anything in a sexy voice and it will make your lover’s panties damp. Nope, sorry. Start small. Much like traveling to a foreign country, do not try to learn the entire language overnight. Rather pick and choose key words and phrases that are important for your success. Some winners are things like “dirty”, “little slut”, or “cunt” or if you are feeling ambitious build phrases that suit your needs like, “On your knees bitch” or “I’m going to fuck you blind now”

My current favorite is “you petulant little cunt…” I just love the menacing way that rolls off the tongue.

3) Practice. This might seem like an obvious one but folks always forget it. Verbal play in scenes is as much a tool as anything out of your toy bag. You spend hours working to perfect a wrist bind, devote some time to honing your verbal skills as well. Stand in front of a mirror and say “cock” till you can do it with out giggling.

Now maybe I am just an old drama geek here, but guys there is so much more to talking dirty than just “Oh baby” and “Yeah that’s hot”. The more skills you have mastered in your bag of kink, the better your chances are at attracting someone to use them on.