Friday, December 30, 2005

Monk's Week Off Blog Project, Final Day

And so we bring this week to a close with Dancer, my secondary partner's, take on the shape of the world.

What’s changed for Monk and I since December 2004? A lot of things, but they’re more noticeable to he and I than to the outside observer. Take Christmas. Monk and I had our first anniversary in June, so this is our second Christmas as partners. Last year, I spent Christmas visiting my family in Georgia, and my beloved primary partner went with me. I was happy to be there with him, but I found I really missed Monk. Not even just his company, but – the fact of his existence.
My family did sort of know, in a vague way, that I was poly. But I was still at the place where I hadn’t really explained that I actually had another partner. I would casually mention “my friend Monk” to my family, but I wasn’t going into detail about the fact that he was more to me than a friend. It hadn’t seemed crucial at first. But I found I really didn’t like it. Monk and I had recently started saying “I love you” to each other, and not sharing this really loving, happy thing in my life, especially with my mom, felt constricting.
This year, my mom and my brother and his girlfriend came here to visit me, and I decided I was going to tell them, “So, you know that poly thing? I actually have another partner, too, and I want all of you to meet him.”
So I did, and actually, it turned out just fine. My brother’s GF asked me a few perfectly polite questions about how we structured our secondary relationships. Monk met us at a restaurant and had dinner with all of us while Sir (my primary) was off doing something else, and it was fine. No drama, no fuss, everyone said he was great. What they really think of the whole situation, I don’t know. But you know, as long as they’re nice about it, that’s not my problem. I got to be honest about my relationship with him, and that matters to me. It matters to me because Monk is no longer just this cute funny guy I’m dating. We’re having a Relationship. (Note that capitol letter.)
Monk remarked to me, “I haven’t had to charm a girl’s mom in a long, long time.” But he rose to the challenge beautifully. We semi-jokingly talk about how we’re past the initial challenges of starting a poly relationship: will this person fit into my life okay? Will my other partners like them? It feels nice to have those behind us. We know our relationship works in our small circle of daily-daily life. But now that we’re sort of settled into a groove with one aspect of our poly relationship, we’re coming on the more advanced-poly hurdles to leap. Monk, honey, have you ever been to Georgia?

So this brings the week off project to a close. I do hope you have enjoyed these guest posts. A big thank you to each of them for sharing thier perspectives and talent.