So I have a profile on Bondage.Com. While an ok site and I have met (and played with) a few interesting folks from the site, there are always some shall we say strange, folks who contact me via it. What follows is an unsolicited letter I got yesterday.

Hello Master
I was glad to meet with you, also I very careful read your profile and with great interest.
I'm 26 years old, and i living in city of Kazan.
I want to say you that my English not very good but i use translator when write letter and
hope that this not be problem for you. I search my true Master in life, and dream have versatile intimate life with he. I think we can find in each other the same feels, you search true slave and i search true Master. I can say that BDSM style this my life and i dream about this every day and night.
I tell you about me and my search. I like listen all type of music, go to sport club, i am like fitness aerobic, run, swim, dance, and take care my body. This important for me always. I am not smoke and don’t have bad habits. I not have children but in future if everything will be great, maybe. I enjoy films. I like comedy, adventure, music and many more. I live in Russia, in town of Kazan. My mother live not with me and sometime I visit her. Now i live with my friend girl in hostel. I for sure want say i very good feel about life and can say that people enjoy in company with me, but I feel sometime very alone because I not have here my Master and i miss life with he who do with me many interest things, kinky, investigate things, BDSM, who dominate, who punish me but can care and love.
Tell me about what you search and who you search. I not think about many time communicate and not have good situation for internet cafe about long time, all what I need to find him and relocate. I now wait when this day happen, I know that sometime people not believe and maybe somebody can think that this again lie, but I never lie and absolute serious. I ready for all that you be sure about my words and about my dreams and desires, I real and I nothing hide and my life wait change.
I am not looking for just Relationship and Chat, i am want to have my Master only in real life.
I am think about this very long time and don’t want that my years go away. We live only one time.
I have exited even from thought about how I give all me for my Master. That’s why I say straight that I not have many time for communicate and wait when my real Master take me from here and my body and soul will never ending for you Master. I have letters from many Master but I search only one and serious for all life, I have some letter that show only inside world, but I search Master who have good situation in life and who real can possible care and love his slave and take me from here, who ready care about me, my life and how I relocate to you, for this I ready for all, for what? For be thing, for be my Master property and never say no when you order to me, I enjoy this life, BDSM, water sport investigate body and pussy and ass and mouth, dildos, klismafilia, oral fixation, piercing, bondage, candal wax, discipline, nipples, enjoy spanking, fisting, anal, sadism, pain, for pain I have special feels, I can and want say that I love this, I say sincere that I not professional and that not have big experience, when I meet real man who need me and who ready for get me he can get what search many year, i ready for all for my Love and nothing hold me here, I independent, I am ready to start our serious relationship. If you think that we can be together i am wait your soon answer Master. You ready have me in your life? Your ready take me and get what you search?
How we can do this my Master?
I wish find true Master for my life.
slave ludmila.
p.s.I very much want to know more about you if your intentions are serious

Yes, this is obviously a form letter sent via a bad English translator. What adds to the humor is that when I was chatting with a few of my male top friends who also happened to have profiles, they too got the same letter.

Ok, enough goofing off for one day. I’m WAY behind in getting ready for Black Rose.