Driving into work this morning I remembered why I want to punch Patrick Swazye in the crotch.

It was just before I pulled into the local cupcake boutique, one must keep the minion properly bribed ya know, when it came back to me. The need to smack that guy right in the junk. See, anyone who has ever had the misfortune of being a passenger in my car will tell you I have 3 stations that I listen to on my radio, the alt rock station, the agro-metal station and the “Oh sweet Jesus I am so flamingly gay disco station”. Heaven help you if you dare switch my radio to NPR, I once killed a man for less.

This morning’s road soundtrack was 80’s dance music. Old wave, as it were. Having worked in a record store back in the late 80’s I have a very soft spot for the likes of New Order, Susie Sioux, Yaz and the rest of that crowd. Being a record store we were of course supposed to play the new records. The store was divided into two main musical camps. Those who thought we must cater to the mall friendly sounds of Debbie Gibson, Tiffany and that musical scourge… the Dirty Dancing Soundtrack (and it’s red headed step child, “More Dirty Dancing”) and the rest of us who would rather try and slit our wrists with a broken shards of “Tainted Love” (the extended mix of course).

We tried to sneak in New Order’s Blue Monday in between the near constant rotation of leg warmer re-enforced sugar coated pop drivel. To this day I still can still quote the lyrics to Tiffany’s break out single, “I think we’re alone now”, seeing as how the damn thing was seared into my brain after being forced to listen to it countless times. I can barely remember the date of my anniversary but I can still recite the track listing for that damned movie soundtrack… oh how I hate that man.

Thankfully, Tiffany is now doing shows at the local Indian casino and Patrick Swazye has been shuffled off to pitch products on late night TV while those gems of keyboard driven dance pop, with their big hair, eye liner and morbid sense of humor still have a home on the radio.