The Quest of the Green Apron

The world looks mighty different at 3 am, especially when you are standing on the roof of a warehouse half naked. Well I wasn’t, naked that is, but any of the drivers who happened to be traveling the sparsely populated overpass that surrounds the Abbey would have been treated to the sight of a fiery redhead cooling her well beaten breasts in the night air. Rubbing them gently in the cool night air and making little faces of happy dismay at the state of her once perfect milk white skin, now ablaze with red rope stripes and all manner of Technicolor bruises, she says to me.
“Quite a life you have made for yourself here, Monk”
“Eh, sure beats working at Starbucks and wearing one of those green aprons”, I laugh back.
“You always make that joke. Maybe you should get one of those aprons for yourself?”
“What, like add part time barista to my already long list of job titles? No thanks”
“No, just the apron. The one you use in your shop is disgusting!”

She had me there, my tried and true dye job apron, having taken the abuse of 4 years of slashing kettles, has long since lost any claim to even be considered “fabric”. In fact it lacks its ability to bend in half and now sits propped up in a corner like the loneliest piece of modern denim art ever conceived.

She has a great point, I always make the joke that if it were not for all you wonderful customers I’d probably be pulling double shots somewhere and that the world is a much better place for it. Come on, can you see me trying to up-sell you on a caramel macchiato? Now that, dear readers, is a scary mental image.

However, me in one of those killer green aprons (complete with logo) cooking up bondage rope is just too cool for words.

And so I put it to you, anyone out there happen to have one of these gems laying about that they wish to donate to a very good cause? I’ll go so far as to up the ante even. Every summer I make the joke about it being so hot that I’ll soon be working in nothing but an apron and boots. Every time I do, you always ask for photos.

Whoever scores me the apron gets the photo. Deal?


In other Abbey related requests. I’d kill for a set of old school lockers. Not a whole wall of them, just like 4 full size or 6 half size ones so that the crew can store their gear and such. I don’t want to spend a ton on this one so any used / salvage leads would be welcome.