Thursday, October 04, 2007

A tale of two Ks

I was having a conversation the other day, talking about play and how folks define their boundaries. Seems my companion just could not wrap their head around the idea that you can do SM with out having sex or that “sex” could be defined as something other than what we generally think of it to be (His tab a, inserted into her slots a, b, or if c) Hard pressed to give a good answer, instead I told him about two lovely women that I used to play with at the same time (not together) Both were very similar in age, education and both in similar long term relationships.

The first K, or K1 I guess, wanted what her partner was not yet ready to deliver. The urge to explore SM is hard for some partners to grasp and hers was not yet ready to take the plunge. However he was ok with her exploring it, with in limits of course. Genital intercourse was to be off the menu; however anything else I was inclined to violate her with was open for discussion. Having a particular fetish for my growing collection devious steel objects, she was more than interested in seeing just what response they would procure from her bound form. While her pink bits were all but a veritable playground for my devious brain, kissing was flat out. To her, kissing was just too intimate. Something she reserved for only her husband, a hard limit not to be crossed.

Contrast this with my other playmate K2. Recently married, she and her partner were still working out the ins and outs of their poly and how it would work involving play with other men. However she was not about to turn down a chance to get bound and generally abused by yours truly. So like any good poly couple they came to some agreements and trusted each other. Again, sex was a no go. Not to worry, I was quite happy for the chance to play with said cutie and wanted above all else to respect her commitments, the fact that her new husband trusted me to honor said limits was a thing I did not wish to take lightly. Aside from the passing of rope between her supple thighs, that region was pretty much off limits. Again, not to worry, I’m a creative top and know many a way to deliver a memorable experience that do not require my interacting directly with her genitals. Now In contrast to K1, she all but demanded to be kissed when we played. For her, kissing creates focus, bringing her into the moment and allowing her to process more intense sensations than she might normally be able to.

Both women turned out to be fantastic play partners and we have many fond memories of our scenes together. I guess the point I was trying to make to my companion with the tale was that boundaries can vary from person to person and there really isn’t a wrong answer. They are yours and whatever you define them to be is just fine. The goal is to clearly define what yours are before you engage in play with someone. Conversely, as a top you are required to ask, get specific, about said boundaries and not to see them as limits, but rather as the framework that you will use to build your scene.