Wednesday, August 13, 2008

If hell had a waiting room this is what it would look like. Dull beige walls with a duller off white pillars for "accent" boarder a dull carpet, one of those long wear jobs with dull geometric patterns in non offensive colors that makes you not want to stare at it too long and hides the occasional coffee stain. We sit in row after row of mildly uncomfortable chairs, all a dull yet non threatening shade of blue and wait...

and wait.

Bad coffee, spotty wi-fi and court staff that, while trying to be accommodating and entertaining are just really, really boring. They drone in that monotone of someone who probably drinks heavily in order to forget just how many times they have given the same, exact speech tell us how important our civic duty is.

I opted for a more "conservative" look, all black, lug soled work boots and wrap around shades. Security took one look at me and gave me an extra pass thru the metal detectors AND a wand pass or two. I figured that if I had to pull out the big guns and really work to get tossed off a jury I'd save that for tomorrow. They have a job to do and it well so I can't be angry with them.

The crowd is an interesting cross section of humanity, bored professional types with expensive haircuts tap away on crackberries and look generally bored, lots of silver haired types reading large print versions of whatever is on the NYT bestsellers list and a few "scruffy" types as well. Like prisoners sharing the same fate, we make pointless small talk about non important topics, the weather, the coffee and of course the wait.

I'm currently watching the one attractive girl in the place get cruised by the various hopeful young(ish) men in the place. Even in hell, male hope (or just his libido) springs eternal.

Ok they just called my name. We are all given a laminated card with a number, robbed of my identity I'm now "Juror #3 of 45". Handing over the juror biography form, I take my card and wait.

I'm not sure how they will respond to the section where I list my profession as, "Alt-Sex Educator, Performer and Bondage Rope Manufacture" I was contemplating putting "Male Prostitute" but thought that might be too much.

And yet again, we wait.