The horrors of porn
I like porn. Call it an affliction, an addiction or simply the primary purpose of the internet, but there is a whole lotta porn out there and I’ve seen more than most. A common trend in porn would be body art, I know what you are going to say tattoos are as old as civilization so this is not a new development, I agree, but since most porn focuses primarily on the “point of contact”, ie the wet, pink bits, as they thrust away more and more talent are opting to get tattoos on their hips, asses and even genitals in order to retain some level of uniquely identifying marks, lest they get lost in the sea of shaved wangs and oddly tanned taints.

Ok, so the businessman in me can respect this as another form of marketing, sort of solidifying one’s brand identity really. However I think it may have just been taken too far.

While randomly checking out porn while waiting for some coffee to brew I noticed something that, at first, caught me as oddly out of place. I’ve worked in porn, on the tech side of the camera, so I’m pretty aware of what goes into making two (or three or 12) people splashing about in each other’s bodily fluids look sexy. So when I noticed the female model sporting what at first glance looked to be…ahem… well how shall I put it, a stain on her pink bits? No, more of discolored ring around her asshole. I was naturally taken aback. Surely this site has the budget for some hand-wipes and a videographer with the brains to know that he will soon be shooting this girls bottom in hi-def so it would be in his best interest to make sure that he has a, shall we say tidy pallet from which to paint his jizz stained masterpiece.

No, no on second glance it was not a stain but rather a tattoo. Yes, dear readers a tattoo on that most taboo ring of muscle.

Like passing a highway fatality involving a bus full of crippled nuns colliding with a tanker truck carrying sulfuric acid, I had to stop and stare. What the hell would you posses you to get tattooed there?! Can you imagine that tattoo session? Can you say ouch? I don’t even want to think about the post ink healing process. 4 weeks of scabbing and itching anyone? How do you keep it sterile? Fuck that, how hell do you take a crap?! Gah! The mind reels. Sadly, or possibly thankfully, the series of images in question chose to opt against using the ULTRA zoom lens and show a close-up of said tattoo as it was taking on the business end of her co-star so I still have no idea exactly what she chose to have permanently etched upon the ring of her ass.

“Millions and millions served”, “What do you do with a B.A. in English?”, I secretly hope she took the nerd route and opted for the “One Ring…” line from Lord of the Rings.

See for yourself; don’t say I didn’t warn you.