I am fucking exhausted.
My entire body aches, my fingers are so swolen that i cannot close my hands into a fist with out wincing, but I really do not care. If I were a macho type I'd say something like "pain is just weakness leaving the body", but that really ain't my speed. No, the pain is more a reminder of what was created and what, in the end, was released into the universe.

When I took up the Binding Project some 3 months ago, I knew it would be a lot of work, it was not untill 28 days ago that it took a turn for me. That was when my family was struck with a sudden and pointless death. In the days that followed, the drama and divisions that have plauged my family for years came to an ugly, ugly head. Old predjuces transformed into open, hatred and people I thought I once loved so dearly that I was willing donate parts of my body in order to keep them alive showed me just how much hate and predjucice can posion a person's soul. 28 days of drama, constant calls from family torn by not only death but now division.

Add to this, more loss. The loss of my laptop, the container in which I kept all my creativity. My words, my art, and my fears... gone in a single act of vandalism. Add to this watching helplessly as someone you love greives thier own private loss, wishing desperatly to help carry that burden yet knowing you cannot, just as they could not help carry yours.

Determined to not let this derail me, I poured every ounce of grief, anger and frustration into the project. If I had to experince this hurricane of emotions inside myself then, by god, I vowed to not let it destroy me. Rather I would create... something.

at the end of the film we made as part of the Bindings Project, I asked my film guru to add this quote after the credit sequence.

"Dedicated to the memory of those we have loved and lost, may we channel
our grief into creativity and transform the void left behind into something
beautiful."

And so today, today as I type with gritting teeth hoping the pain killers kick in soon, I feel so filled with pride and love. The pain is a good thing, a reminder of what we made, something beautiful was released into the world this weekend and I, I no longer feel the hurricane. Only pride and delight at what has become a transformative act.

Go, create. Sing, dance, write, paint, sculpt, love and never let your fears fool you from knowing who you really are.