Monk’s Second Law of Good Topping, “If after a scene, the top is not as physically and mentally exhausted as their bottom… you are doing it wrong”

My shoulders ache this morning, rivers of ground glass flow down the length of my neck and back. Sore from both my overly intense work out yesterday as well as my night with one, very tough and dynamic gal. OK, I am pretty sure I am not feeling quite as, um how was it put once? “Feeling like I got run over by a UPS truck, then it backed up, did a three point turn on top of me, unloaded some deliveries and ran over me again…” But still, oh how I so use a long, deep tissue massage or maybe a trip to the spa and then a massage.

But Monk, you ask, you are supposed to be this big, bad ass top. Why are YOU in pain? I thought it was supposed to be the other way around?

Sure, as the top I am the one delivering most of the, how shall I say this politely, “intense sensations” to my partner as they greedily soak it up and ask for more (or beg, I like it when they beg… a lot) but I am not one of those folks that sees himself as a life-support system for a flogger. Rather, SM play is all about getting down, inside your body and experiencing this amazing machine we live in. All the things we do when we play are designed to push that machine, both mentally and physically, good play drowns out the chatter in our heads and that vague, disconnected feeling we get when we are too caught up in the world. When we play, we become greedy hedonists, hungry for the sensations and the endorphin rush that comes with it.

And who says a top has to just sit by and observe this? Not me, when I play I want to use my body too. I work too hard in the gym to not want to flex and push myself as well. Why just wrap rope around a limb, when you can press your body in, pull them close and then tie? It is one thing to swing a flogger a safe distance from a rack, it is a whole other experience to slowly circle your prey, and shoulders hunched forward, fists clenched in menacing anticipation of your next strike.

Even if you are not a “rough and tumble” sort of player, this rule still applies. Again, why stand back, arm distance while putting that chest harness on? Hold her tight to you, smell her hair as you nuzzle that perfect spot on the nape of her neck and let your fingers guide the rope around her body.

Play, good play, is all about making a connection. Both psychologically as well as kinetically