Monday, October 05, 2009

What, you have never seen a guy sporting a tiara and demanding that you address him as "Sir"?

In my ongoing quest to insert just a wee bit more sureal humor and fun into sex, yesterday I as I was vending at Max's very well attended Bondage 101 class, I was sporting a bejeweled tiara. When asked why I was sitting back, casually watching the students happily tie each other up, wearing a tiara. My response was "What, you don't have a Tiara of Real and Twue Dominance"?

Longtime blog readers heard that and burst into fits of laughter, they already knew about my "Resplendent Topping Panties of Dooooom" So before I can even begin to describe the awesome that is my tiara, the rest of you need to play some catch up.

So from the archives, originally posted June 6, 2005 (yeah I been blogging for a fucking long time)
Beware my resplendent topping panties!

There is a certain way one must walk when about to do a rope scene while wearing a pair of frilly women’s pantaloon style bloomers and knee high Doc Martin’s boots. Full of fire and vigor, like you are the biggest, baddest motherfucker in the whole damn place.

Why am I wearing pantaloons while topping a rope scene in a public dungeon you ask?

Perhaps I should back up a bit….

One of the unique joys of working a convention is meeting folks. One of our new friends was Scott from Big Head Studios; he is what you might call kindred soul (aka a goofy fucker who knows that the key to life is to not take it all TOO seriously). Tomorrow I was to be his stunt model for a class on latex bondage, or has we were calling it, “Operation Biscuit Dip”. But that, dear readers, is a tale for later. No for this is a tale of the challenge he laid down that evening in the dungeon.

Tambo and I arrive and the dungeon is hopping. Filled with happy perverts tying each other up and doing all manner of lovely, naughty things to each other. She was dressed in a stunning black Chinese cocktail dress and I in my tight shiny latex pants and “Trained by Midori” t-shirt (a shirt that she her self guarantees that the wearer will get laid in if worn to a convention) After we make a quick pass we run into Scott and his lovely girlfriend (who’s tag reads, “Scott’s Niece” long story). This bundle of kinetic energy is frolicking about wearing vintage bloomer style panties (and not much else). Scott stands there smiling and holding a large bundle of panties in his hands.

What happens next is a bit blurry. Some say that he dared me; others would say that I offered, but either way I ended up removing my pants and donning a pair of thin mesh women’s panties, complete with frills. Now the only way one can wear frilly panties and not look like a complete queen is to really wear them. Go big, or go home. These were no longer just women’s panties I was wearing. No, these were now my “Resplendent Topping Panties” and I was not only going to strut about the dungeon with my head held high and shoulders back, but I was also going to deliver a hell of a scene while wearing them.

We drew a few stares as we laid out our gear under the hard point.

Now anyone who was watching our play in hopes of seeing some kind of zen like activity, well you are obviously reading the wrong blog. Tambo and I play, as in laugh and enjoy the moment. This was to be no exception, save for the fact that I was feeling a bit extra mean at the moment and hung her up in a very strenuous position.

Tambo blames the panties.

Once up and stable in my ropes, I take to tormenting this lovely girl. One of our favorite things is when I leave her hands free and then do things like tickle her exposed feet or slap her bottom as it swings by. In response she becomes a tenacious monkey, grabbing at me and trying to steal away the item I’m trying to swat her with. Of course this time she was extra motivated.

I was spanking her with a Gideon’s bible.

You see, before we left our room earlier I snuck the thing onto my bag as a joke. Thing is, hotel bibles pack one hell of a thump. Tambo found out the hard way as her naked body swung past me while she was using the rigging like an adult swing set.

In a howl that could best be described as a mix of surprise and laughter she spun around in the rigging and began trying to snatch the book from me.

I easily evade her grasp and sit just out of her swinging reach, opening the tome I read to her from the “Trials of Job”. This just makes her swing even harder in the rigging as she stretches out and deftly snatches the book from me with the tips of her fingers. I love her.

Spinning about with her hands, she looks like a sort of cross between a alligator or the scary girl from The Ring, that is if either of them enjoyed suspension bondage that is. We dance and parry like this. Me dodging from side to side as she tries to keep me in front of her and away from her exposed bottom and the book.

I reach out and grab a fist full of her long dark hair and pull. I pull her entire body up such that she is facing me, her body strains against the rigging that pulls against her. The muscles in my shoulders flex and strain under the load as she bares her teeth and snarls at me.
Say it
I smile and ask politely
“Fuck you” She barks
“Oh I just love it when you talk dirty. Now say it”
“Never” She sneers and giggles.
I release her hair and let her body swing back and forth in the rigging. Her howls of laughter rise and fall as she swings.

This goes on like this till we are both drenched in sweat and high from laughing too much. Finally, when she can take no more, she sighs and says,
“Yes, I now fear your Resplendent Topping Panties!”

I lower her to the floor and we both lay there heaving and laughing. “You evil fucker” she pants.
“Don’t blame me, its the panties”

Then the giggling starts again.

Tomorrow night she will don the panties in question for a play date with 2 sweet, giggly girls we know. I, on the other hand, will be busy with a “Cultural Smack Down Scene” with a lovely British strumpet. But for tonight we lay and laugh at each other.