Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Ever wake up hungry?

That gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach for something more than food. Like an itch you just cant seem to scratch, that need to sink your claws into the tender, warm skin of someone. Maybe it is just me, but play is not a "cerebral" thing for me. An event you can intellectualize and examine under a microscope, but rather a visceral, animal experience for me. So it seems that when the hunger comes it too is like that, not a "gee, I think I'd like to do some rope bondage this week, let me check my schedule" but more like a bristling energy just beneath my skin, like the cursed man just as he catches the first glimpse of the full moon... knowing the beast will soon come.

Most days, the hunger is like a low level static, always there. Often spiking when in the presence of one who draws it out. Could be a look or the way they smell, or perhaps it is the presence of their own inner beast, no matter. Most days I can keep it in check and tap into it when the time is right. However this last week, this last week is different. It distracts me, I've sat down and discarded a dozen blog posts, left emails unanswered and paced countless steps cross my office floor... distracted by the thunder of my heartbeat in my ears. The buzz now a constant, guttural growl lurking just behind my eyes. That involuntary flexing of my claws of no reason other than it feels good when the muscles in my forearms are drawn taught.

It is not for lack of trying, this persistent hunger, seems my time in the dungeon, while satisfying in the moment, only leaves me hungrier.

My beast needs to feed, soon