Wednesday, March 05, 2008


Hello. I'm involved in a very long distance relationship. Both my partner and I have an interest in bondage, however our distance obviously makes it impossible to do. I've never done bondage of any kind before, and I wonder if you could give me some advice on self-bondage? My main interest is breast bondage. I don't want to do any of the risky self-bondage stuff. I've visited your site (which is great), but I noticed you don't have anything for those going solo, or at least I didn't see anything addressing this. I've tried google searches, but I came across hogties and more risky stuff... no breast bondage. So, do you think you can help me out or point me in the direction of someone who can? I'd very much appreciate it.

Thank you.


Ok, so this is where I put on my hall monitor vest and say, there is no such thing as “safe self bondage”. All rope play is edge play, it only takes a slip or a twist of the rope to turn a simple scene into something potentially hazardous. While most folks will never experience a bondage mishap, those of you who have know it when I tell you that it only takes a second for something to go wrong and it can happen in even the most “safe” of ties. Now add the fact that you are doing this alone and there is nobody armed with a trusty set of shears to cut you out if things go bad and I’m going to say, that this is probably a really bad idea.

Now this is not to say that folks don’t do this. I know that Lee Harrington teaches an excellent class on self bondage with an emphasis on safety.

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but perhaps there might be some other options to consider, My first idea would be to seek out a spotter or bondage buddy. This does not have to be a “relationship” but rather someone you trust who can be on hand, even if in the next room in case something goes awry and you need help. I do not know what resources and clubs you have in your area but doing this at a club or event where if something did go wrong you were not alone is also a possibility. I can’t think of a guy who, if asked, would not be delighted to keep a watchful eye while you had your fun. Yes, your partner is a long distance away and may not like the idea of his sweetie being watch like that, but I think compared to the possible risks and you getting injured, it would seem like a wise compromise.

I know there will probably be several readers here who disagree with me on this, but as an experienced bondage top I would advise against it.