Letters to Monk, Practicing Solo

Monk - I've been following you on twitter and watched most of your vids, so thank you for being such an inspiration!

My question is tied to my circumstances, but it boils down to, how is it possible for a person to start practicing ties and knots *without a partner*?

Yes, the knee-jerk reaction is "find someone to play with!" and thanks, I've read that in every forum I've searched. But sometimes that is not an option, to wit: I live in a small Southern town with no real "scene" to speak of (I know what scene there is here, all three of them); I'm a grad student on a very tight budget, so I can't afford to travel much less pay for shibari clinics/training; I'm recently divorced and very much NOT into developing sexual/romantic relationships with anyone right now. Heck, I barely have time for my friends.

I'm also a bit of a control freak (yes, really) and I don't want to worry about my partner's situation during play while I'm trying to figure out a damn knot.

I've thought about mannequin torsos, life-size rag dolls (not that I've found any), practicing with thin rope on teddy bears...seriously, I've considered options. But surely I'm not the only person in this situation? If you have any advice particular to this, I'd love to hear it. Thank you!

I remember my friend Sam used to practice her ties on the back of a wooden chair. She would joke “If I can top a chair, someday I might be able to work up to a person!”

In all seriousness, this is a common question even for those who have a regular practice partner. Everyone needs to learn the basics, those fumbling first ties can be intimidating and even with your regular lover, who wants to worry about the whole “bunny goes out of the hole, around the tree” thing? No way, you want to do the fun stuff. I’ve seen many a scene become mired and stall due to the top becoming obsessed with the technical and forgetting that there is a living, loving human they are supposed to be interacting with thru the rope.

Here is what I did. Vending at classes and conventions means lots and lots of down time behind the table waiting for classes or end/ vending hours to start / etc. In those days I would pass the time practicing my single and double column ties on my legs. Part of how I developed my own personal style of fast bondage was due to this practice. Over and over, tying the same thing till it was reduced to muscle memory and not something I had to “think” about.

I will pause here and caution, using your legs to practice ties on and “self bondage” are very different things. I am not a fan of self bondage and would urge you to read up on the topic. Some very well informed people have made this argument far better than I.

As for mannequins, rag dolls and stuffed animals? I’ve heard of folks using these methods too. In the end, it is all about rope on the body. Substitutes will help you gain the confidence in your technical ability, but in the end you will want to put that rope to good use on a person.

I'm interested in the ball-ended ass hooks you sell and want to confirm the quality of their construction.

I own a hook from another vendor and was disappointed to find that the ball was screwed on, and what looked like a solid stainless steel hook was in fact a stainless steel tube over a secondary rod. Its construction leaves crevices that means it needs to be disassembled for cleaning after each use.

Questions about your ass hooks:

Are the rod and ball both made of stainless steel?

Is the ball welded to the rod, or otherwise permanently attached in a way that leaves no crevices for dirt to settle into, and is the welding material also stainless steel and/or corrosion-resistant like stainless steel?

There are several cheap ass hooks on the market now. If I have learned anything in the last 6 years it is that you know you have a good idea by the number of imitators is inspires. Most are poor knock offs of the original, designed by our steel maker for the very demanding needs at Kink.Com and other professional bondage sites.

Unlike the cheap replicas offered elsewhere ours uses only the highest grade, medical use stainless steel. Other hooks are made from cheap, foreign made steel. If you have followed the news in the past year then you are familiar with the many he made health and safety issues stemming from cut rate products made from cheaper materials and sold by vendors only looking to make a quick buck.

The ball end is permanently welded to the hook and the entire weld surface is painstakingly polished and re-welded till it is a perfect, seamless connection. The entire toy is then buffed and inspected for even the smallest of imperfections before being given the maker's signature.

Such dedication to detail might seem a bit overkill to some, but SM play has the potential to be dangerous. I firmly believe that by using only the highest quality tools and toys you can reduce that risk factor as well as enhance your pleasure.

I refuse to sell any product that I would not use in my bedroom regardless of the possible profit it may make me.

Hooray for Boobies!

I have a question for a professional. Many times I have seen women with tied breasts, and it seems the ties are so tight that the breast becomes purple.
What are the dangers of this type of rope work?

Ahh boobies, I like boobies. Boobies and rope? Like chocolate and peanut butter, two great tastes that go great together. Breast bondage is great fun and yes, you are right to want to err on the side of safety here. While breasts are amazingly strong and resilient things, there is such a thing as “too much of a good thing”. As for images you have seen online of this? Well much like watching old Max Hardcore videos for tips on Daddy/girl play, the bondage porn is probably not your best, first location for help on this topic.

Check out Bondage for Sex Vol 1 and Shibari You Can Use (both for sale at Twistemonk.com, how handy is that?) both feature some basic breast bondage ties, if I had to pick my favorite I’d say Shibari You Can Use covers the topic a bit more in depth and would be my first choice. Quick rule of thumb, much like tying any limb, breast bondage will constrict blood flow is potentially dangerous. If the skin becomes cool to the touch, the skin becomes discolored from a warm red to a paler blue or purple then remove the bondage. Your best bet is to start slow, don’t bind them as tight your first couple attempts as you gauge what your partner is both capable of and what they enjoy. Some women love a LOT of pressure while others only want something snug around the breasts so take your time and experiment with your partner (I know she will hate it, “What, you have to tie me up again?! Oh ok I guess”) and above all else talk to your partner. Constant feedback is the key to creating an experience were you get plenty of the “good pain” and avoid much (if all) of the “bad pain”.

Letters

How did you become a sex worker? What school did you go to? Are there schools for teaching sex work-craft?

Well let me see, as I studied sex work along with communications at a junior college in Spokane. Later, due to high marks and the decline in popularity of disco, I was able to parlay my undergraduate success into a full scholarship at the prestigious Secret European Sex House University – the branch campus, in Hoboken, NJ - where I took a double major in Sex-Work and Art History. Far from home with not many friends I joined the fraternity system and eventually pledged to the historic, Eye Phelta Thi house.

Those times were tough and money was tight so I took a work study job at the campus peep show and eventually graduated with marks high enough to qualify me for the both the dean’s list and national honor society. I’m very proud of those days and in fact I am looking at my diploma as I type this.

Seriously dude, a school? You’re kidding right? Seeing as how this is illegal in the US, opening a school for prostitutes seems a bit unwise. No. Sadly there is no formal education for this sort of thing. While you can learn the mechanics, as it were, of the trade. The skills needed to be a good, safe and experienced SM top can be learned over time in a wide number of places. Understanding the mindset, the psychology and what exactly it is that you are selling--an experience, the freedom to explore, the opportunity for someone to better understand themselves and their sexuality, which is not something I’ve ever seen taught anywhere. Rather, if you are lucky like I am, you will find yourself some experienced sex-workers, befriend them and listen to what they have to share. The fact that I am a male sex worker who sees exclusively female clientele adds an extra wrinkle to things, but the end goal is the same: create an opportunity for someone to explore their sexuality, their kink and themselves and in the end have them feel good about doing so.

Much like the skilled trades of old, you become an apprentice to a “master of the craft” (or in this case, “Mistress”) where they take you under their wing and share their wealth of knowledge with you. Perhaps one day when the this uptight country gets it’s head out from up its collective ass and sex work is made legal, then maybe you can sign up for my “Boy Whore 101”. Hmm, “Professor Monk” I like the sound of that.

Rope questions I’ve been emailed as of late:

We were wondering if you do custom thicknesses for the rope as well? Something in the range of 10-15mm. And what the price difference for that thickness would be?

The machinery that I use can only finish up to 8MM thickness. We have done 10MM in the past and it really sucked. Most hemp rope enthusiasts don’t use much thicker rope than 8MM as the 10-15MM thick ropes are far too bulky and unmanageable. Also the knots end up being HUGE! While a lot of MFP and synthetic rope fans encourage the thicker widths, once you make the switch to hemp you will find that thinner lines and more wraps are much more enjoyable and easier to manage. That said, if you are dead set on 15MM thick hemp, you might want to do a google search for raw hemp in that thickness and finish it yourself.

Is it possible to get a section of Bavarian Blonde rope in a 5 foot length? My fiancé and I are going to be married/handfasted in a few weeks and 10 feet just seems like an awful long length for the job.

I just did a hand fasting. 5ft seems a wee bit too short as I was able to do 3 passes over the couple's hands and have JUST enough to do a square knot. However there was not much extra line to hang down and drape nicely. I'd say 6ft is about perfect really.

We can sell you a custom length, $2 per foot. To place an order just call the Abbey 206-938-7527

I was wondering if you could help me with a quick rope question. I've seen pictures of a girl being forced to walk along a rope with periodic knots. The idea being that the knots will stimulate her clitoris. My question was, what type of rope is best for this sort of play. I want to torture my girl, but not cause rope burn. I was thinking linen or silk, but wanted to get your expert opinion before I tried it out.

An excellent idea for a scene and good call on the avoiding of rope burns. As you may know, all rope has what we call a "burn rate" that is how fast the rope must be pulled across skin before the friction causes discomfort and burns the skin. Synthetic ropes have a very low burn rate, that is it does not take much friction before it burns. Add to this a damp, sensitive skin area and you may find yourself with one pissed off bottom.

One of the major selling points for finished hemp is that it has a very high burn rate. It takes a lot of force to create friction and irritate the skin. Not saying that it can't happen, just that it is much more forgiving that synthetic.

Good call on the silk and linen options. In addition to being very soft with an insanely high burn rate, they are both very washable and can be put back to use after a quick hang dry. I'd opt for the linen as the silk has a bit of natural flex to it so you might get some unwanted slacking in the line while the linen will hold the tension more consistently.

Dear Twisted One :)
I am really sorry to bother you, I am sure you get heaps of emails from lots of silly subbies like myself; …
My birthday is coming and I will be celebrating my 34th at a play party, the Host has kindly offered to dress me in a rope corset for the occasion (I am stoked!). We had a 'practice' last night but it didn't go to plan, I was hoping you may be able to suggest some links or ideas that might help?

OK, the problem was.. i have curvy hips - i am an Aussie size 12; we don't have easy access to hemp or jute and are using a 6mm cotton cord type stuff/ 50ft. -Preference is knot to have joins as I would like to wear it as long as hygienically possible and may be sleeping in it. When we did it as per your video, there was bunching at my hips due to my shape, which looked a bit ewww, well, allot ewwww. I would like to still keep length in the corset.

I've been racking my brain trying to think of ways around it - and slicing bits off myself is knot an option! The best I could think of is to move the seam to the side so it runs down my hip and gives it more support, like boning. Then maybe have another seam down the other side. I only have limited knowledge (being the riggee knot the riggerrrrr), and I think this would take two people to do, and am knot sure if it would be logistically possible

The tie in question is a rope corset, like the one I showed off on this video.

Yes, unless you are tying a man, or a woman with no hips, you are going to run into some bunching along where the midsection meets the hips. This is a very common problem. No, just tying it tighter won’t help; it will still bunch up and be extremely uncomfortable too. Option one would be to tie a shorter version of the corset, and make it more a waist cincher, but it sounds like you want something that flows over the hips. You are on the right track with the “boning” idea. Take some thin line, like a 4MM, and starting just under the armpits weave down the body of the corset. A simple over under will do, then when you reach the bottom, reverse and go back up the way you came, but going under the lines you went over and vice versa. Make sense? Depending on the length of the corset, I’d say about 10 ft will do the trick. The nice bit also is that if you have line left over, you can easily hide it under the armpits or tie it off into the back of the harness. posted a photo once of a scene I did where she was wearing a rope corset with garters. If you look close at the photo you can see the weaving pattern. No you don’t need to go all the way down to garters, but if you are hoping to wear this for an extended period and even sleep in it, then you might consider that route over the line between the legs method I show in the video. As it will make things like using the bathroom and sex much simpler and hygienic not having a line between your legs. Also, Lee Harrington’s awesome book, Shibari You Can Use, has several variants of the corset tie with “boning” weaves as well.

Now before I close I do want to get on my soapbox, I am really not a fan of the term “subbie”. Why this term is in the SM lexicon befuddles and annoys me. The act of submission is a powerful and wonderful gift that one person can give another and referring to someone who gives this thing as a “subbie” just grates me, I feel it cheapens and demeans the gift, and in turn the giver.

Bondage with one in the oven…
From the inbox:

Hi Monk, firstly thank you for your fantastic site and especially your videos. We are yet to purchase any rope from you, because just as I was going to...we fell pregnant. Which is GREAT but I'm getting sick of abstaining from my favorite, rope play.

Any chance you know which bits are safe etc?

Thanks for any help you can give us...

First off, congratulations, the whole “kid thing” scares the bejesus out of me, so you are a far braver soul than I am for undertaking such a daunting task. Now onto your question; I’ve had the opportunity once, a long time ago to do bondage on a pregnant woman. This was pretty early in my (and this blog’s) career so the ties were more decorative. You can see a shot here. I must admit that I find pregnant woman insanely beautiful, recently a friend showed up at a party proudly displaying her swollen, third trimester tummy and I was all but transfixed by it. I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I sheepishly asked to touch her tummy like a shy schoolboy getting his first kiss.

But I digress.

Not having enough direct experience to answer your question I polled the various kinky moms I know as well as a photographer friend, Jim Duvall, who in addition to being a very respected bondage instructor and community mentor has also done a lot of work with pregnant women and rope. So here is the skinny, as it were, as reported to me.

Pregnant women start producing a chemical called Relaxin. This allows the pelvis to expand to let the baby out. It also lets their other joints get really flexy. You can often do things with a pregnant woman’s knees hips shoulders and elbows you could never do before. That said, flexibility in the torso is restricted (for obvious reasons) and pressure against the abdomen should be avoided.

Also, later in pregnancy, any ropes around the breasts need to be looser than usual, because the glands around the area are swollen and she might be sore (in a not nice way) afterwards. As on put it, “Beware of milk. Boobs are huge and sore. And they squirt milk.”

Oh and, Bondage or SM that takes a person into stressed condition such as fight or flight should be avoided as it can influence the pregnancy SM is not a good way to induce labor.

So there ya go, I would say stick to limb ties. Keep pressure away from the abdomen, watch the tightness on the chest harness and watch out for squirting milk (or watch for it if that is your thing). Oh and as for suspension, I’d say no. My friends gave me a mixed result. Some did it (clear up to the end of the second trimester) and said that it was hard but ok. Others said “no way in hell”.

Seeing as how this is the first week of the month and the order queue (as always happens the first week of the month) has swelled to a massive size, I think I'll answer some e-mails I've received as of late.

well this is something starting to weigh on my mind...I am right side impaired with hemiplegic who has started thinking about rope play with my fiancé now I have always been quite adaptive but am curious as to whether you you might have any suggestions as to a possible way to tie knots one handed, I have some ideas on how to do this but will not truly know until I try.

First and foremost, I'm not a "knot guy". There are guys who will argue the finer points of what knots are best for what applications and in some cases get into near fist fights over the usefulness of the Square Knot. I am not one of those people. I know a small number of useful ones that are safe and easy to use. Ask around online with some of various rope groups, Yahoo's "Adult Rope Art" is a good place to start, and there are dozens of folks who would be happy to debate the pros and cons of any knot you may want to know about...

That said, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret of the bondage world.

One of the reasons for the enduring popularity of hemp rope for bondage is that it is SO easy to use. Unlike nylon or cotton, or other fibers that are "slippery", you don't have to worry as much about the rope coming undone. Rather, hemp has just enough "bite" to it that in most cases simple wraps or an overhand knot will hold the bondage snug for as long as you need it. That said, the more complex and dangerous the tie (like suspension bondage for example) will require more specialized knots, however for most rope play don't focus on the knot but rather on the wrapping of the rope around the body.

Monk,

Hello. I'm involved in a very long distance relationship. Both my partner and I have an interest in bondage, however our distance obviously makes it impossible to do. I've never done bondage of any kind before, and I wonder if you could give me some advice on self-bondage? My main interest is breast bondage. I don't want to do any of the risky self-bondage stuff. I've visited your site (which is great), but I noticed you don't have anything for those going solo, or at least I didn't see anything addressing this. I've tried google searches, but I came across hogties and more risky stuff... no breast bondage. So, do you think you can help me out or point me in the direction of someone who can? I'd very much appreciate it.

Thank you.

-K

Ok, so this is where I put on my hall monitor vest and say, there is no such thing as “safe self bondage”. All rope play is edge play, it only takes a slip or a twist of the rope to turn a simple scene into something potentially hazardous. While most folks will never experience a bondage mishap, those of you who have know it when I tell you that it only takes a second for something to go wrong and it can happen in even the most “safe” of ties. Now add the fact that you are doing this alone and there is nobody armed with a trusty set of shears to cut you out if things go bad and I’m going to say, that this is probably a really bad idea.

Now this is not to say that folks don’t do this. I know that Lee Harrington teaches an excellent class on self bondage with an emphasis on safety.

Sorry to be a wet blanket, but perhaps there might be some other options to consider, My first idea would be to seek out a spotter or bondage buddy. This does not have to be a “relationship” but rather someone you trust who can be on hand, even if in the next room in case something goes awry and you need help. I do not know what resources and clubs you have in your area but doing this at a club or event where if something did go wrong you were not alone is also a possibility. I can’t think of a guy who, if asked, would not be delighted to keep a watchful eye while you had your fun. Yes, your partner is a long distance away and may not like the idea of his sweetie being watch like that, but I think compared to the possible risks and you getting injured, it would seem like a wise compromise.

I know there will probably be several readers here who disagree with me on this, but as an experienced bondage top I would advise against it.

A reader's pressing question.

Hola :)
Husband and I are just starting (rather belatedly, I think *sigh*) to explore bondage as a Fun Thing with me as the bound, and I'm having a wee problem with...well...wee. As in, the persistent and distracting need to pee almost as soon as I am secured to something. Doesn't seem to matter if I peed ten times the hour before, and not had anything to drink...I always feel like I need to once I'm tied. Which is a little strange to me, given the fact that I'm the girl who used to drive for 12 hours …There are a couple of contributing factors that I can identify...1) Husband is a beginner and not very quick at tying me down, so it takes a while for us to get to the actual "playing" part; 2) I'm pushing 40 and have birthed 2 kids and the girl bits aren't quite as, um, taut as they used to be (though I don't have any pelvic floor problems any other time, and actually exercise those muscles regularly); 3) I drink tons of water all day …Still, I suspect it's more a psychological thing than physiological, and I'm wondering if there are any suggestions from the bondage community on dealing with it.

C
PS "Just pee" isn't really an option.. thought of it, but don't think that either of us would find that the least bit appealing.,,,

Well you may be asking the wrong guy this question. I’m one of those sick bastards who rather enjoys it when she starts to squirm and has been known sit back and laugh as she fidgets and swears at me to untie her so she can go pee, only to pick her up bodily and tie her down to the toilet.

Yes, I am a bastard and I’m going straight to hell, thank you drive thru.

However I did ask a number of my female friends in the bondage community for their thoughts on the matter and they all seemed to fall into two camps. The physical ones who all said, “Kegelcisor” apparently this will help strengthen those muscles and not only give better bladder control, but also as an added benefit reward you with some killer orgasms as well.

The psychological camp weighed in and suggested a number of things. First and foremost are you confusing arousal and excitement with the urge to pee? The anticipation, the adrenaline and such all sending mixed signals that you are interpreting as the need to go. When he does finally untie you and you go, is it a lot or just a little? Others suggested that this was much like the having your nose itch as soon as you have frosting covering both hands and the best way to deal with it is to just breathe through it and focus on relaxing. Heck. One pointed out that she too experienced this, but after learning to relax and go with it, the resulting orgasms were much more intense.


So there you have it, you are not alone in what you are experiencing and no matter what advice you choose to take they both seem to have “better orgasm” as a side benefit.

Now not having the appropriate hardware, I can’t give you my opinion on the matter, but rather here are some thoughts from the top’s perspective on how you might address this in play with out having it kill the flow of your scene. First thought would be to use modular bondage, rather than one long piece of rope use several short ones. That way if you do need to go, he only needs to untie specific parts of the bondage. My next thought would be to incorporate this into the play, "I’ll only untie you and let you go after you (insert evil act here) for me." Heck, all else fails bondage in the bathroom can be pretty damned hot, those hand rails on “accessible” bathrooms makes awesome tie down points.. not that I would know anything about that, officer.

As for the “just pee” option, ya never know you say that it is not erotic to you, but ya never know till you try… but that is a topic for another day.

The Eternal Question

Hello im very interested in being a professional Dom I have read a few books but books will never give me experience or teach me Trix of the trade so to speak. Do you teach, know of schools or masters who are willing to take on students?
-JJ

Ah, yeah, welcome to the most commonly asked question by men of sex workers (or at least one of the top 5): “How do I become a male sex worker?” Now, I am assuming you are asking specifically about becoming a paid service provider for female clients? That is usually the case when this question is asked. Too bad really, I have several customers and acquaintances who service gay male clientele and they tell me that business is good and always in need of new talent.

Ask this question of a career sex worker and she will (if you are lucky) politely chuckle and tell you that you have a better chance of getting abducted by aliens and subsequently writing a best seller about it than becoming the elusive male gigolo. I believe the polite term would be “urban myth”.

Here is where I break ranks with the rest of the pack and say, rather than this being impossible, the odds of it happening are very, very, VERY (did I mention very?) improbable. See, I know a handful of men (myself included) who actually do get paid by women for various, shall we say, “professional services”.

The best analogy I can use would be this. Say you want to be the next James Bond. Daniel Craig will be stepping down after the next film, so it is reasonable to assume that someone has to fill that role, and get the fame/fortune that comes with it. However, there are millions of starving actors in the world who will all be lined up at the door the second they even start thinking about re-casting the role. Male sex work is much the same. Since the dawn of time, women have sold sex and men picked up the tab. That is just the way the universe works - with a few exceptions. What you are hoping to charge for, a thousand horny guys will do for free, or even pay to do.

However, these rare exceptions do exist. Like I said, the number of men I am talking about is TINY and this is not their primary source of income. I’ll probably get shit from the professional guys I know for even admitting that they do exist, but I will share what I do know about this very rare breed.

Unlike men, who will purchase sex based on sheer novelty or the particular shape of breasts being offered, women are much, much more particular about how they choose a provider. Reputation and relationship seem to be the two strongest governing aspects of how they make the decision to purchase such services.

Let us pause for a moment right here; the word services is a very broad term. This can be anything from the classic “porn stud” sexual experience to non-sexual SM to even erotic massage. So when I say services don’t just assume fucking for money, deal?

Now, of the male providers I know, every one of them has been active in their various alt-sex communities for years - in some cases a decade or more. Previous lovers, bottoms, friends and mentors all vouch for their skills, and more importantly, their character as a safe player. Some are, I dare say, experts in their particular field of sexual play, with a substantial reputation to back up the compensation they request. A female client wants someone they can trust to come to with their fantasies, have an experience (in whatever form that may take) with, and all the while know that their safety and privacy will not be compromised.

Ask most guys what they think being a male sex worker is like and they will tell you something like, “Show up, pull out my monster cock and bang the living shit outta some hot chick for an hour and get paid for it.” or something to that porn-tinted effect. The truth of the matter is quite different. It’s not about what I want to do, or what my “good idea meter” tells me it wants to do. Rather, the goal is to understand the needs and desires of the client and to craft an experience, a bubble if you will, in which their fantasies – not yours - become reality. While this may sound like a negative, it is in fact quite the opposite. To be granted access into a woman’s fantasies, and to take those desires and create an experience that is both memorable and well… hot, is richly satisfying. In that moment, there can be great intimacy and connection and we both enjoy it greatly. And when the moment is over, we allow it to pass, and we happily rejoin our respective lives.

Still thinking you want to try this? Ok, forget finding a mentor to “show you the ropes” as it were. Again, good female clients are a rare thing and male providers are not about to share their hard-won clients with anyone. That and the fact that this sort of thing makes up a tiny percentage of play that we do, apprenticeship opportunities are not going to happen. I mean you might get a job as “stunt cock” somewhere along the line, but even then don’t expect much more than a handshake and free condom out of the deal. (For those of you who don’t know what that is, that is when a female provider contracts you to for one of their bisexual male clients or in rare cases a female client of a female sexworker. In either case you will be closely directed as to what you are expect to do and not do) Also, there are no “Male Escort Review Sites” and posting an ad on Craigslist will most likely net you nothing but grief. So finding clients of your own will be the challenge. Amongst all the male service providers I know, their clients approached them first.

So why even bother you ask? I know that for myself, being a small business owner means that every single extra dime I make gets reinvested into my company and crew, this often leaves me with a little extra for myself. The generosity of my clients allows me to spoil myself in little ways. Like extra time with my massage therapist, or getting those expensive jeans that I would not normally buy for myself. Also, this has opened up opportunities for me to play with some beautiful, dynamic women that I would not have gotten to meet otherwise, because they were not shopping in the local SM community.

But let me just restate again, you will not be buying a new Audi anytime soon. Female clients are very rare, of all the play I write about on this blog only a tiny percentage are paying for the experience and most do so anonymously, hence they are NOT written about.

Haven’t talked you out of this yet? Alright then, more power to you, but let me return to the Bond analogy one last time. My advice to you would: study your craft. Take classes, read books, and go to BDSM conventions. Pay your dues in your community and maybe, just maybe if all the stars align, you’ll get a rare shot at an audition for the elusive role of Mr. Bond. Just understand that even if you have paid all your dues, have the look, the skills and the emotional chops to play the part, that casting director may choose the other guy, and there is not a damn thing you can do about it. That’s the reality for female sex workers and it’s a reality for us, too.

It is my hope that by writing this that those men out there who have always asked the question understand that this is possible, but that they need to realistically re-adjust their expectations as to what is required. Also, there is a social taboo around the idea of women seeking out sex workers. Again by telling you all this, it is my hope that they too will have more opportunities to pursue these things should they want it. In the end, this is not the end of a conversation, but rather the beginning of one.

2 Questions , One Story

“Why do you include shears with your kits? I won’t need them.”
“Why don’t you always finish your ends with knots? Isn’t that the traditional way?”

About once a week, with out fail, I get a variant of these two questions. I can answer both of them with one story.

A few years back Tambo and I were playing at a house party. At the time it seemed like forever since we last played, must have been in the run up to a big show, so I wanted to do something different for her. Rather than the spinning and giggle fest that is our suspension play, the plan was to take advantage of a cool bondage chair tucked in the corner of the space.

I am hard on my rope and like any responsible top, I make a point to replace my worn pieces before they fail. That morning I cut myself a new rope kit, too backlogged from whipping customer orders, these ends were still unwhipped. Instead, I opted for small, tight overhand knots at the end. Not my desired end, but for many this is the “traditional” and only way hemp rope ends should be finished.

Things started off wonderfully as I began wrapping rope around her and the body of the chair so that she was firmly affixed in place. In between giggles and low moans my Tambo, the ever responsible and good bottom, was sure to communicate with me as to the state of her well being, where the ropes were pinching and what might need shifting. We spoke in soft, loving tones to each other as I worked, both reveling in the warm and intimate cocoon that is often the hallmark of good SM play.

Then, as if a light switch was flipped, it all started to go suddenly wrong.

Tambo, even in the toughest bondage situations, can always give me a “two minute warning” when she’s nearing her limit and I need to start bringing her back down to earth. This time all I got was, “I think I’m gonna….”

Then she went slack. Pale and limp, her body starts to list to one side and pull hard against the ropes holding her in place.

The first thing to do in these situations is to not panic. I quickly start to untie the major pieces of bondage holding her to the chair so that I can get her on the floor and back among the conscious. I pull rope for what seems like an eternity, in truth it was probably a few seconds, till I’m down to the last wrap of rope when it happened.

The knots on the end of my rope jammed.

Franticly reaching around her slack body I could feel where they were wedged against the other ropes. Her shifting form locking them in place, turning the bondage into a tangled, mangled mass. A few seconds of tugging might make them come free, might being the operative term, but when it comes to your love even a few seconds is too long.
“fuck this” I mutter and pull the shears from their holster and start cutting. I reduce several hundred dollars of rope to scrap in a matter of seconds. No sooner is she down on the floor when she looks up at me with that sudden, embarrassed look of, “I didn’t just do what I think I did?”

That was the scariest minute of my life. Why do I give shears away with every kit? Because I pray to the gods that my customers never have to experience the terror of seeing their love go slack and not have the tools on hand to get them out. Already have a pair? Then give the set I send you to that new couple just starting out and tell them this story.

To those “traditionalists” who turn their noses up at the whipped ends of my rope (you laugh, but it actually happened to one of my customers in the UK) I say a big, hearty “fuck you”. I’d rather my customers be safe and come back for more than ever be “traditional”.

Allergic Reactions and Rope Washing Question

Hi Monk - Enjoy your website and the youtube videos - my boyfriend has literally thanked me a dozen times for showing those to him...it was totally selfish on my part, so I just smile. To the question at hand, I have very sensitive skin (chronic hives) - so I like my robe to be of a softer quality but I want some color. And Christmas is coming up! Do you have a recommendation from your website of what is the best rope for me? Something soft but colorful. Judy

Skin sensitivity is one of the major reasons why I have spent countless hours refining our process and moving away from older, less hypo-allergenic methods of rope finishing. Today I only use allergen free, animal free oils (a common skin irritant for many sensitive customers) as well as a dye process using some of the highest quality dyes available, not that cheap RIT crap the bleeds and comes off on your skin. Even with all this, everyone’s skin is different. My recommendation would be to purchase on of our sample kits, it contains a 6’ length of each of our colors offered. Test it against your skin and see what your results are.

Rope gets softer with age, through play the rope softens and absorbs body oils. The weave relaxes and the fibers become more and more soft. A well loved piece of rope will resemble your favorite wooly sweater in no time. Repeated manual washing can also accelerate this process. It is important to note that while this will soften the rope, it will also reduce the overall tensile strength. Our process is intended to get the rope soft enough that it feels great against skin but not so soft that the fiber strength becomes dangerously degraded. For most bondage uses repeated washings are just fine and your rope will last you for years, however if you intend to use your rope for load bearing play like suspension bondage then you will need to be extra careful and using this rope. (it goes with out saying, but I’ll say it anyways. Suspension bondage is dangerous. Seek proper training before attempting and always inspect your rope and hardware before use. When in doubt, replace it.)

To wash your rope, knot your dirty rope as shown in my “rope handling” video.

Stuff the rope into an old pillow case and tie off bag. Don’t mix your rope colors when washing as there may still be trace amounts of dye that might bleed. ( While we thoroughly wash our ropes after dying, this is still a hand dyed and washed product so it is best to err on the side of caution just in case and save yourself any potential problems.)

Wash the ropes on the shortest, gentlest cycle possible using cold water. If you have a color safe bleach that works best for your allergies, use a very small amount.

When done, don’t try and unknot the wet rope. Wet hemp is next to impossible to untie. Rather, let hang for a day or two.

When the outside of the rope feels dry, unknot and let dry for a few more days.

To re-oil use a mineral oil or scent free baby oil, DO NOT USE PLANT OR SEED BASED OILS THEY WILL EVENTUALLY GO RANCID AND DESTROY YOUR ROPE.

If there are none available or you are unable to find any that do not irritate your skin, use the rope on skin or run the rope thought your hands while watching TV. This will also transfer your body oils to the rope.

An indecent proposal?

Dear Monk, Sir.

my name is *deleted*, W/we met on *deleted*. i had the pleasure of watching You play several times and can’t get over how hot it is to watch You. The way You move is as if you were dancing! Every time i see you show up at a party i know i’m in for a treat. (OMG, what You did last Saturday was so hot!) Watching You play i have noticed two things. You always wear one of those tight, white tank top style shirts and when You are done You always strip out of the sweat soaked shirt. (OMG that is nice to watch too). I don’t want to sound like a creepy fan girl (Too late huh?) I was wondering what would a girl have to do to get her hands one of those sweat soaked shirts? i'd be willing to pay for the pleasure of owning one!

OK… so this is a first. Now if it were not for the fact that I remember meeting this person this would be a very, very strange e-mail. Odd capitalizations aside, she seemed like a nice enough gal. The shirt in question would be this. I’ve taken to wearing these pretty much all the time when I play. I’ve always run a few degrees warmer than most and when your play motto is “If the top is not just as exhausted as the bottom then you are doing it wrong” I tend to get rather damp by the end of the scene. I started packing a change of clothes after Tambo refused to leave the warmth of the party with me for fear that I may catch hypothermia going out into the cold. So the question is, how do I feel about selling my used clothing? I mean sure, it is very common for female sex workers to sell their used panties. (Heck, when my buddy Galahad went to Japan I begged him to locate a vending machine and buy me a pair of school girl panties, just so I could say that I had a pair of authentic Asian schoolgirl panties bought from a subway vending machine)

Why should my sweat soaked shirt be any different? I mean heck, if she wants to spend her money like this so she can indulge her fantasies who am I say no.

What say you?

Mixed Mail Bag

I hope your shoulder's mending well and also that things are going well for you all around--work, life, etc. In all honesty, this email started off as an inquiry as to whether order processing has been affected, but I highly doubt it will make a difference on my end. Sad to say, I won't be able to see my girl until late October anyway and I can't believe it could possibly be anywhere near delayed that long. I'm just very impressed with the product line and can't wait to have it here.
-Derrick

The shoulder is progressing along just fine. With any luck the doc will let me take the damn thing off for good next week. So far I seem to have my full range of motion back and aside from some sore muscles complaining about having to work again for the first time in 5 weeks, no pain either. Still one must wait for the official blessing (and x-rays) to be sure, but so far so good. Now as for your order, have no fears. While I can't help you with your girl, I can re-assure you that your rope will be ready on time. The TwistedMonk.Com minions have been hard at work filling orders while I am on the mend. Sure, for the first week or so things were a bit frenetic as I spent most of my days in a drug induced fog, thankfully Nerdy (my long suffering and ever capable shop queen) has kept the machine running and orders flowing smoothly out the door. Ironically, one of my mantras this year has been “delegate or die” and being laid up, unable to lift kettles or whip rope for the for past few weeks has been a great re-enforcer of that lesson.

What is the “Fabulously gay disco radio station” you always refer to?
-Alexr

That would be C89.5, a station run by a local high school. Staffed entirely by students the station has been on the air for like a million years it is quite possibly the best way to avoid getting road rage in Seattle’s ever worsening traffic. My personal favorite is their Thursday morning tribute to all things retro, Save the Wave. Makes me want to wear eye liner and play the keytar.

Hi Twisted Monk,
although I am not a current client, I was hoping that you could point me in a good direction for conditioning raw hemp.

I have searched it and found several techniques, but was looking for your opinion on the best way.

Thank you,
Jake

If you are asking what method I use in my shop to finish the rope I sell to make my living and pay the wages of my employees. Sorry, that would be a trade secret, a process created after years of testing, tens of thousands of dollars of custom built equipment, production agreements with hemp producers in 4 different countries and countless hours of refinement.
That said, I do think everyone should at least try and condition their own rope. My advice would be to consult Mistress Google and find a method that works for you. The first recipe I ever tried was the “wet method” outlined in Midori’s book, “The Seductive Art of Japanese Rope Bondage”, so it holds a dear place in my heart. Know that the process is long and labor intensive and your house may smell awful for a few days.


Monk,
Love, love, LOVE the videos. Did I mention I loved them? I do! When will see more of them?
Anxious,
-Reba

Wow, delighted that they have been so well received. In fact we are all sort a stunned by the response. Did you know that the basic hogtie video has been seen over 75 thousand times on youtube since we posted it? DAYM! Rest easy, we have more in the pipe. The busted collar bone threw a kink in our filming plans, but yes there will be more before the year’s end. Stay tuned. That said if you have any requests for short instructional topics, no I won’t do a suspension how to so don’t ask, we would love to hear from you.

More Letters

I was watching a video of you tying Violet Blue in your shop. Toward the end she tries to resist. The sound is somewhat garbled. I think you say "same rope, different experience". Would you please write a short piece describing the last part of the video, her response and what you did, for your blog.

The video in question is this one you can see it here. Yes, I was enjoying tossing the lovely Ms Blue around my office while she giggled and struggled to get away. Well not that hard really, I think maybe she liked it. Anyways, yes I did say something to that effect. See, the point of the demo was to show her why rope is such a popular and versatile toy. Before I did the fast harness on her I did a basic chest harness with the same bit of rope, you can see me do a demo on how to tie a basic chest harness here, said harness was then integrated into a larger rope corset. I think the same piece of 30ft 6MM rope was used for a half dozen different ties from decorative ties to rough and tumble harnesses.

I am highly allergic to marijuana ~ can't be around it growing, harvesting, while it's being smoked. Can't be around someone who has it on their person, is wearing clothing that they were wearing when they were smoking or cleaning or rolling a joint...it's really a nasty allergy.

So my question is whether or not I would have problems with hemp rope?

There is a story about a hemp farmer who had a huge billboard put up next to his fields that stated in HUGE letters, “You would need to smoke a joint the size of a telephone pole before you even started to get a buzz from this stuff.” See, industrial hemp is a different species of plant from the recreational variety. The hemp we use has about as much THC in it as that hemp hackey sack you bought at the outdoor concert last summer. Nil, zip, zilch… nada.


I've been reading your blog for a while now, maybe 6 months? At one point I was home sick for two weeks straight and indulged myself by going back and reading through your archived posts. I can't seem to re-find the one about the iron bed you and Matisse bought, I wanted to check out the picture again. Maybe Matisse posted the picture, but at this point I've searched both of your blogs and can't find it anywhere!


Slight confusion here. See Matisse and I bought a bed together when she bought her house. That was like a year and half ago? A big thing for us both, two secondary partners going in together on a fairly major piece of furniture. Said bed has served us very well, however we have been discussing finding a real frame for it, hopefully before the cheap one it came with comes crashing apart. Tambo and I, on the other hand, had a custom bed frame built for our 18th wedding anniversary last year. A bed specifically built for bondage (read LOTS of tie points here kids). We posted some teaser shots, but there have been no photos of the installed wonder bed. Some things we like to keep just for ourselves, a couple needs some privacy.