Lets end this year with a rant!

Ok, well less of a rant and more of another one of my childhood tales that expose yet more aspects of why I am so very, very strange these days. Sure, I could go on and on about 2009 and how glad I am that it is over, etc, but fuck it. Lets end this with a laugh and a strong drink.

Cheers!

Monk's Rant 12/31/09 The Idiot Mittens from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

Merry XXX-MAS

Not to leave you thinking that your humble narrator, Monk, is a complete scrooge. This was our little holiday tree that we decorated for the season. Complete with nipple clamps and custom made, pornographic ornaments. So happy whatever you wish to call it days, here is to a drama free, low stress and well loved world for you and yours.

Monk & The Minion

Where was I? Oh yeah, that is right, I needed more coffee and then I was going to tell you about the class in Vegas and why it is like 9 shades of awesome. Excuse me for a sec while I go menace a minion into making a fresh pot of coffee by doing my version of “The Humpty Dance” till they run screaming.

Fresh coffee in 6.5 seconds… Works every time.

So about this “Sensual Bondage for the Not So Vanilla” class I am teaching on Thursday January 7th at the Erotic Heritage Museum, what is so special about it anyways? Now aside from the obvious fact that I’m teaching it and my last class of this topic not only sold out in less than 24 hours, it also had a waiting list and got some great reviews. Not that I’ve got an ego about this sort of thing, but I am very thrilled that folks responded to my unorthodox approach to bondage. You can learn how to tie just about anything from my videos, but this class’ focus will be on how to think, how to get past the whole “bunny goes out of the hole, bunny goes around the tree…” centric bondage and have fun with your rope. When you are done with the class, all you will want to do is run home, rip each others clothes off and have wild, kinky rope sex.

Now if that was not reason enough, there is the post class show and tell where I show off some advanced tricks, do some demos and answer your questions, if you ask nice I may even tie you up!

But wait there is more, I should mention that the post class Q&A will be at the Breasts and Bondage Event, normally tickets to this event would be $20 bucks, but if you attend my class you get in for free! On top of that, we have a gift bag with over 100 bucks in goodies just for you. Check out this list for details

So, lets recap. A one of a kind learning experience with me (I'll even wear pants!), a gift bag full of free stuff worth over 100 bucks, passes to THE event to be at that night,and an extended 1-on-1 Q&A time and suspension demos. What more do you need? Oh I know, there is also a bar at the event so you can buy me drinks in the hopes of getting me drunk enough to do my impersonation of Mickey Mouse doing a golden shower scene (I’ll take a good bourbon or a nice Maker’s Mark Manhattan, thank you)

There ya have it folks, even if you just go to the class so you can heckle me and throw food, you are still getting a great deal and in for one hell of a fun night.

Hurry and score your tickets though, as of this blog post we are over half sold out!

To learn more about the class, click here.
To register, click here
To learn more about the after party, click here

“I’ll deal with that, after the death march”
“get right on that, AFTER the death march”
“I know, I know… just a few more days and I’ll be clear of the death march and then I’ll…”

That has been my blanket response to everything for the past 3 odd weeks, just leave me be till I get through the big holiday push (and by the way, thank you this season was extra amazing and the minion and I thank you) so now here we are… after the death march.

Now what, Monk?

Well the first thing I am going to do is take down this damn calendar that I’ve been forced to stare at all year. Ok, ok, so it is a nice calendar with all the fuzzy endangered animals on it that I should be feeling guilty for killing off. On a side note, ever notice how we never try to save the really ugly animals? You ever see a Pacific Rock Fish? Ugly mofo, but they will never get a calendar to help their plight, nope just the cute ones.. but I digress. I’m so looking forward to ripping that calendar down and replacing it with my new one, The 2010 NYC Hot Blogger calendar.

Yeah, I’m looking forward to enjoying some very sexy bloggers all year and knowing that the proceeds are also going to the rocking folks at Sex Worker Awareness makes it extra cool in my book. What, you don’t have one of these yet? Are you stupid or just lazy? Well get off your ass and go buy one, now. I’ll wait.

I’m still waiting…

...what are you on dial up?!

So now then, where was I? Oh yes, the New Year and what is next on the agenda. Well, next stop for me is Vegas.

That’s right, Vegas Baby!

What am I doing in Vegas, besides chasing down all the free shrimp cocktails and hitting the nickel slots? Perhaps I’m going to try my hand at working in one of the new all male brothels? Nope, somehow I’ve coned my way into getting, get this, press credentials with CarnalNation.Com. That’s right, me, a member of the “free press”… ok you can all stop laughing now, really I mean it, stop, you are hurting my feelings.

Truth be told, I’m not so much a member of the press as I am the baby sitter, body guard and all around arm candy for The Urban Gypsy and Ms Debauched Diva. I know, putting me in charge of keeping those two out of trouble is like putting Dracula in charge of the blood bank. In addition to reporting from the whole skin circus that will be the AVN awards, chasing down every cutie I can find and tying them up, I’ve also been asked to teach again.

I posted a description of the class here and the first comment I got was, “dude, $50 bucks for a class with you? I would not cross the street to pee on you if you were on fire for $50 bucks.”

Thanks mom, you say the sweetest things.

As for the rest of you? Tune in tomorrow and I’ll give ya the skinny on why this is going to be an amazing class.

Another Podcast with Mistress Matisse.
We are back at it and causing more mayhem than is allowed by the FCC. Hear it here, about 10 minutes, SO not work safe.

On Running Away and Joining the Circus...

Last night I had the honor of accompanying The Charming Girl to Teatro Zinzanni. For those who are unfamiliar with the place, it is a dinner theater that takes place under this huge tent, they claim that the actual tent structure is like 100 years old and there are only 4 left in the world, but regardless of that they transport you to this other world. A turn of the centry cabarete where your entertainment is right there, smack dab in the middle of you and doing all manner of fantastic, cabaret acts. From roaring song and dance to stunning aerialists and astounding slapstick physical comedy.

For me there is something amazing about watching a live performance, to sit back and witness someone doing that thing that they are very, very good at. No amount of video footage can compare to seeing an aerialist up close and watching the tiny muscles on their stomach work as they hold their bodies in perfect form, 30 ft off the floor, the shine of pride in their eyes as they soak in the crowd's applause. Or perhaps it is the element of danger, not that they will fall, but rather the lack of wires, second takes and above all else, a live crowd not 10 ft away. They must not only perform, but they are nose to nose with their audience, that added random energy as they must also interact and improvise off them as well. It all just makes me feel like a wide eyed kid again, honestly. I think this is why I've been enjoying working with live cabaret groups like the Little Red Studio and Columbia City Cabaret.


Perhaps I'm was born too late and should have been in vaudeville :)

By popular demand...

Tied Up Events Presents:

An Evening of Sensual Bondage with The Twisted Monk

“Sensual rope bondage for the not so vanilla”

Where: Erotic Heritage Museum, 3275 Industrial Road, Las Vegas, NV
When: Thursday January 7th Class 7:00-9:00pm with private Q&A session 9:00-9:30pm

Yes, I'm teaching again. Based on the overwhelmingly positive response I got from my class in New York last month (read a review of it here) and after numerous requests I'm going to do it again in Las Vegas.

Attendance to this class is limited and focused on very hands on, how do I start to use rope in my play focused. The class is fantastic for the experienced rope player who is looking to move beyond the basics and learn how to "think" in rope as well as the absolute beginner looking to spice up their play with rope bondage.

For more information and to register for the event, check out the Tied Up Event's Home Page.

For this event I am once again also working with the fantastic folks at Tied Up Events, they did a stellar job planning and arranging my last class in NYC. I'm a firm believer in "delegate or die" and trying to run a company AND organize classes would drive me insane, so I'm leaving it to the pros. I'd encourage other kink instructors and the like, if you want some crack event planners, give them a shout. Seriously, they rock.

It is Podcast Time Again!
Matisse and I have a recording session booked tonight, so if you have questions, comments of follow ups to stuff we have previously discussed please email them to me today.

Cheers!

Why look, it is the x-mas death march!

So I've got less than 12 days to kick out a metric fuckton of orders, how much is a "metric fuckton" you ask? Well that is about an "ass-load times 10" or for those of you still using imperial units of measurement, "12,206 holy shit that is a lot a rope"s

Stay tuned, this is going to get strange before it is over.

Custom Rope Auction


Just in time for the holiday, another one of a kind Twisted Monk creation. This rope kit is a custom, blue/black creation, designed by our very own International Ms Leather 2009, Lamalani. In addition to making a great gift for your favorite rope lover, this auction will help further fund Lamalani's travel and community outreach fund. Let's face it, it is not cheap traveling all over the country, working with local organizations and spreading the good word! Check out her travel blog at www.internationalmsleather.com and bid now.

Auction ends on December 12th

Me (and what must be my long lost twin, Skippy) on the web


I'm the "featured hot shot" for this week's e-lust. Click the photo for more on that.

Also, there seems to be this video making the rounds today from Google Wave. Everyone is claiming that the person in the video is my twin. At least in voice and mannerisms. Not sure how I feel about this, one always wants to think of themselves as being truly one of a kind.


Me? I don't see the resemblance.