Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Last Day

Today is the final push to get everything done for the 3 shows we are doing this weekend. We have a full crew in today so I really don’t have much extra tine to write something witty and insightful. So instead why don’t I distract you with this great music video I found? A rousing little anthem of personal freedom called “Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis and I’ll Keep My Penis Off of You!”

Now if you are in Seattle and looking for something to do, Tambo and Nerdy will be vending at Cirque Du Noc on Saturday and Max’s upcoming class on "High Security Rope Bondage” (a class I’m really sorry that I’ll miss actually. I’d like to say that as a top I’m interested in perfecting my skills, but truth be told I have had a couple scenes with some escape artists that did not end like I had expected)

So come by, say hi and check out the new goodies we have for sale. Perfect for the pervert on your shopping list.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

And now for some nudity
I don’t know about the rest of you, but damn was I getting tired of my eternal bitching about being sick! Time to move on to something more fun, like naked photos of blog readers! This was sent to me last week from the great white north.

Dear Monk

Hey, it's the annoying pink rope chick again.

Enclosed is a picture of a pretty naked girl with Twisted Monk rope on her torso. For various reasons it would amuse her to have a nude of herself on the 'net-since she's kind of unrecognizable in this one, you have permission and encouragement to put it up on your site. Sorry the stuff on her legs is not your rope but some crappy cord I picked up at a sewing store. Also sorry I didn't have time to do a good job with the rope, but hell, it's a picture of a pretty naked girl. In rope. I would tell most other people I know that this picture isn't work safe, but for you...

Now I really need to work out the legal requirements for setting up some kind of permanent rope gallery so I can show off all the great photos I get from you. Due to the current legal climate here in the US, it is not as easy as one might think, but we have our team of crack legal monkeys (or is that legal crack monkeys) working on how to do it and keep my ass out of prison at the same time. So keep sending those photos and I’ll keep posting them here till we work out a more permanent home for them.

Now speaking of pretty girls in rope, these nice folks have featured some lovely shots of how they have put their TwistedMonk.Com rope to good use. Want to know what is extra charming about that? They are hosting a dinner party for a number of fellow blog readers and myself when I come to visit Austin this week for the RopeCraft Symposium. It would be a safe bet to say that there will be more photos of pretty girls (and boys) in rope from that night.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Everybody keeps telling me that I need to take a day off.

Well yesterday I was forced to. Just as I’m on the tail end of “the most tenacious cold ever” what happens? Oh how about a nice bout of food poisoning. So yesterday I spent the entire day in bed...from 4 am Sunday morning till 7am Monday. I wish I could report that it was a rousing day in bed and that I corrupted a few nubile members of the local cheerleading academy, or something interesting like that. Nope, sad to say that was not the case. At least those tired looking bags under my eyes are about gone.

Thanks Tambo for keeping me hydrated and comfortable.

OK, so now I’m feeling much better. Hey, I can even eat again! Time to kick it out and get ready for these THREE shows this coming weekend.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Today's word is: "Lung Butter"

That about sums up how I am feeling. Last night Dancer and I had a date where we sat on the couch, coughed and swapped Robutussin shots. Ah, the glamourus life! (There was that one time, last year, when I was just sick and she took advantage of me while I was gorked out on Nyquil, but that is a tale for another day)

Austin Rope Craft Attendees, don't forget. Today is your LAST day to pre-order rope and get a discount. Contact us at the Abbey today for more info.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

These Hands

My hands are the most valued tool of my trade, my livelihood. Perhaps it has been the bitter cold in the Abbey these days. Days so cold you cannot feel your fingers, making them frustrating and useless things at the ends of my wrists. These days I’ll admit that I have a bit of an obsession with other people’s hands.

Jester, you remember him right? My sword swinging friend who has trained in like every known form of combat. I posted a clip of Galahad and I sparing with him once. Anyways, this weekend when I saw him I was complaining of a pain in my back. I thought that perhaps I had cracked a rib (or at the very least bruised it) during a takedown scene with Rossi the week earlier. Who knew that such a tiny girl could mule kick so damn hard? Anyways. Jester takes his huge, scared hands and begins to feel about my back. Poking and asking for feedback, he finds the spot and with one swift motion I jerk up with a joint popping crack and the pain is gone. Amazing, hands that could easily kill a man with a pocky stick also contain the power to heal.

Then there was Little Red Riding Hood. I have always dreamed of having lots of green in the Abbey. Great stands of living things to offset the industrial nature of the ancient building that my shop lives in. Now the crew and I are so overbooked that tending to such a task is just not feasible. Along comes LRRH, she is more than happy to share her gift of greenery with us in exchange for some rope time with me. And so there she is on a Friday afternoon. Happily digging and repotting our poor spider plants, dirt under her nails and gleeful working with her hands tied together.

Nerdy has tiny hands. Some might write them off as weak due to their size, but don’t be fooled. If you ever get the offer to have her give you a massage you will discover that those tiny hands (much like the rest of her) contain a great strength. We have a relationship where I share whatever skills she wants to learn. Her last lesson was in how to deliver a really solid punching scene. It was with great pride we watched her top a boy on Saturday night. He was bound, suspended like a heavy bag so that the trio of women could take turns punching his chest and back. There was this moment when she, hair disheveled and grinning a fierce glee, that she got it. Top Space, the whole “why we do this” and she just glowed. The next morning, hung over from the endorphins, we inspected the bruises on her small knuckles with pride.

For Dancer’s birthday I’ve had to train my hands to learn a new skill.

Monday, November 21, 2005


That cold that was supposed to only last 5 days has moved into my chest and is now entrenching in order to mount a better counter offensive. What started out as sneezing and sniffles has become spasmed coughing followed by much unpleasantness. I thought extra sleep would stop it, I thought going to the Russian spa and sitting in the steam room would stop it, but no this bug seems determined to stand and slug it out with my immune system for a bit longer.

It really does not help that we have 3 shows in less than 2 weeks time and about 6000 feet of stock left to make. Thank the gods for Griffin, Nerdy, Tambo and the rest of my crew. Between the lot of us, we will pull this off.

The meds seem to be kicking in so I must now sign off and get to the Abbey.

Oh and one last thing, it is someone’s birthday today. Someone wonderful. Happy Birthday, the world is a much better place with you in it.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Recovering slowly.

It’s really funny. As soon as you admit that you are getting sick, everyone has a remedy. Take this drug or that herb and you are supposed to bounce back. The truth is, at least for me, that these things just take time. Sure you can lessen the impact of the illness, but in the end it’s 5 days of feeling less than stellar. So two down, 3 to go.

Now Tambo has been after me for sometime to do a podcast, you know an audio version of the blog. For some odd, freakish reason she seems to think you might enjoy hearing me talk. This will have to happen AFTER I get better, because right now I sound a bit like Foghorn Leghorn (after he was hit in the larynx with a bat)… but I digress. One of the ideas we have is to feature our list of “Bad Topping Personas”. Between Galahad, Griffin and myself we have some very, very disturbing characters that we can slip into. Trust me, you really do not want any of these to come out when you are unable to flee.

One of our favorites is Galahad’s “Otto the Meat Top”, I won’t spoil it for you, but this is the video where he claims to have gotten his inspiration. Enjoy this truly awful Eurotrash disco hit, “You touch my tra-la-lamostly work safe, save a wee bit of man ass, some faux lesbian kissing, frightening disco moves and a really terrible mustache.
Oh and don’t give up on it. Wait till the VERY END for the pay off. Trust me.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Not gonna get sick…
Awe fuck, I think I’m sick.

Now is seriously NOT a good time for me to be sick. If you will excuse me, I’m gonna go drug myself silly and go to work. In the meantime, enjoy Graydancer’s latest RopeWeekly.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

About that party,
Just got the ok to share a few more shot from the party.
Rose and I doing some pre-inversion negotiation , “What do you mean by, ‘Are you afraid of clowns’?!” (Not Work Safe)
Get her in the air…make a few quick tweaks... (not work safe)
And flip! (Not work safe at all)

Now remember kids, don't try this at home with out getting proper training. When I did this, I had SEVERAL spotters on hand just in case something went wrong.

Now Rose had her very own “designated spank recipient”, a charming girl by the name of audiblecell. Seems she needed some rope in order to properly “present” her bottom for said spankings. Yeah, that would be my boot holding her in place.

All in all a great night. An inverted suspension, a reverse hogtie and later a take down scene that bordered on surreal (Just try and imagine what Mickey Mouse might sound like doing a heavy D/s scene). Top it off, I got to sneak in a late night snuggle with Dancer too. Not bad at all.

Happy Birthday again Rose and M!

update, I just got an offer for a boot-licking scene. W00t! Best get my boots to Mouse soon

A picture is worth a thousand words…
So this weekend I had the unique pleasure of hanging the yummy Rose Algren up for her birthday. She requested that I hang her upside-down. (Not work safe).

More later…

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Announcement: Twistedmonk.Com is offering an ARS Pre-Sale!

Dear Friends,

December is drawing near and that’s always a busy season here at TwistedMonk.Com. In addition to the usual retail madness, the first week in December will be a huge one for us because we will be vending at three different events: The Austin Rope Craft Symposium and two Seattle fetish events. In order to tackle all three, we have to divide our forces. This means I will be bringing lots of rope to Austin, solo.

In order to better serve you, our valued customer, and keep my sanity we are offering a pre-show pre-order discount.

All rope is $1.00 per foot, pre cut and whipped to any length. E-mail ( or call the shop (206.938.7527) with your shopping list. Be sure to include your contact info and we will get back to you ASAP.
All pre-orders get 10% off their total.
All pre-orders require a 25% deposit.
Pre-Orders will be ready for pickup on the first day of the show (full payment due at delivery).
Last day to make a pre-order is midnight Wednesday 11/23/05

At previous events we have sold out of our most popular colors in a matter of hours. Avoid disappointment and place your pre-order today.

Again, you can place your pre-order at or call the Abbey @ 206.938.7527

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Double Booked and Double-Parked

Not much time to talk today, way too much on my plate and it is just getting worse as we get closer and closer to X-Mas. Another toy store just called in a huge order that they want on their shelves before the “official” shopping rush starts on the 25th. In addition next month we have 3, count em THREE events to sell at in one weekend. It will be the very first time we have ever attempted to divide the company up and tackle all three at once. Mondo scary there.

Top it off; I’m busting my brain trying to figure out a cool suspension scene for a certain birthday girl who asked to be tied up as her birthday present. Sure, I’m thrilled to do it, hell honored even. But damn, this is a gal who regularly bottoms to the riggers I look up to. No pressure, really, I’m cool as a cucumber.

Ok, so in the mean time I have a question for you all. Wax Play. Do you like it? Where do you get your supplies? What kind of candles do you use? How much do you normally pay for your candles?

Time now to crank up the Finnish Folk Metal CD I just scored and kick it out, who knew that the Fins could rock so hard?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Something old, something new, something really strange…

Its been awhile since we talked about music. Here are a few of the recent additions to my ipod

Public Enemy, It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back
*sigh* what can I say, Chuck D just kicks my white ass. Sure, Flavor Flav is doing reality TV but back in the day these guys were a force to be reckoned with. Even if you did not agree with all their politics, you have to respect their drive and passion.

Depeche Mode, Playing the Angel
Now I used to listen to DM way back in the “People Are People” days then they sort of fell off the musical map for me. However I really like this new CD. Maybe I have matured, grown into their new sound or maybe I finnaly figured out that they are a bunch of perverts, but this is really music to do an SM scene to. I mean with song titles like “A Pain That I am Used To” what else would you do?

Peaches, The Teaches of Peaches
Holly shit, how can I properly describe this? Um… angry yet funny, anti feminist, sex music sung by a former schoolteacher who was at one time was a sex worker. Machine driven beats and song titles like “Fuck the Pain Away” and “From AA to XXX” this is NOT a performer who is going to play Lilith Fair anytime soon. Oh and she also has a beard.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

So about that photo from yesterday.

You can always tell a suspension top by how they survey a place for the first time. Any top worth is salt is looking up, searching out hard points from which to hang a willing victim. Now the Abbey is filled with them. Once the home to a WW2 era copper foundry, the place is a suspension top’s wet dream.

In addition to all the “natural” hard points, we have installed a few of our own. One that I have been dying to try is what we joking call “The Rolling Hard Point”. These are the industrial racks we use to move and dry rope on. A find from Galahad, these beasts are capable to stand up to our constant abuse and not cave under the hundreds of pounds of wet rope we hang from them on a daily basis. I have been looking for an excuse to rig someone to one of these since we got them and last week I got my chance.

K was a little unsure when I explained my idea. She was even less sure when I needed her husband and Tambo on either end of the rack to keep it from rolling away from us. Once trussed up and in the rack, she is secure. But what of the great winch you ask? I mean this is not called “The Dry Rack Wench of the Week” is it? Well no, no it is not. K was looking funny at me when I started to wrap some re-enforcing lines around the base of the rack and then she yipped with terror as we wheeled her out and under the great winch.

When we brought her down she told me, “I was almost disappointed there for a sec. When you had me tied in the rack I thought but I wanna ride the winch!

K was perfect for our first test of the rack. Just the right height and a good sport. In hindsight I think I’d do it a wee bit different, perhaps a longer body harness and more lines connecting it to the frame… that way when we hang weight off the bottom of the frame it creates more even pressure on the body inside. Perhaps a red body harness and black conecting lines?

Hmm any volunteers?

Monday, November 07, 2005

There is a story here....

And I'll tell it soon enough. Right now I'm up to my ass in red rope, recovering from a very fun late night and need to kick out some orders before this day ends. So if you will pardon me, I need to turn up the old school LL Cool J and kick out the jams.

Yes, I do look like a complete goober when I dance about the Abbey dressed in my heavy wool clothes and bouncing to "Mamma Said Knock You Out"

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Perhaps we have learned something from the FEMA fiasco after all?

At last the government is finally addressing a LONG overdue public safety issue

How To Survive A Zombie Epidemic.

Of course they are only talking here about your basic North American Zombie (Shamblus Eatum Courpus) however these guidelines apply also to their European Zombi cousins (Fulcius Rottum Deadus), however they do nothing to address the new (and most alarming) strain of highly mobile undead, the Zoombie (Runnus U Ass Downus).

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Mementos on my Key Ring

Ever stop and look at all the keys hanging on your keychain? If you are like me, you tend to collect them until you have this sort of wad of keys that no longer fits in your pocket. Now you end up wearing it on your belt….sorta like a high school janitor. I mean where the hell do all these go? I tried cleaning my key ring out the other day and I swear have no earthy idea where half the damn keys are to. Now during this “process”, and by process I mean me holding up an unmarked key, squinting at it and muttering, “um… old studio I had during the Clinton years?” Nerdy pointed out one key on my ring that stood out.

A bent and broken handcuff key.

When asked why I had such a thing, I told her, “This is to remind me of two very important, yet embarrassing, things”

It was very early in my kink exploration. I think we had just started talking in terms of SM play. Tambo I had taken some classes and were trying to understand what it was to self identify as someone who is into this whole “BDSM” thing. While I cold deliver a damn fine vanilla flogging, the whole “topping” thing had yet to really become clear to me. That was until I had the opportunity to deliver my first real D/s flavored scene. Our local swing club was hosting a “leather night” and I had a certain cutie in my sights. Now mind you, this was really early in our kink days so all the leather clothes I owned were designed for motorcycle use, not fetish wear and frankly I did not yet have much of a clue as to the whole “leather culture” as it were.

Donning my riding chaps and leather riding vest I dove into my photography props bin in search of some accessories to complete the outfit. I am still embarrassed to even type the next sentence. To complete the look I put on a leather hat, much like the one Marlon Brando wore in "The Wild One", and hung a pair of cheap steel handcuffs I picked up at some stripmall “adult boutique” from the loop of the chaps.

So aside from looking like a reject from “Who Wants to Be a Leather Daddy” the evening went swimmingly. The cutie in question spent several hours handcuffed to the belt of my chaps while I (and a group of kink friendly swingers under my direction) delivered all manner of sensations to her naked body. By the time I decided that she was done her wrists were red and chaffed by the steel cuffs. To say that she was eager to be released would be an understatement. Amped from my success and pumping adrenaline, I plunged the key into the lock and with a cocky smile, quickly spun it...only to have the damn thing snap in two in the process.

She looked at me with wide eyes that screamed, “Oh shit. Please tell me that did not just happen!”

Now this, this could have been bad. Or at least very embarasing. However, like any good boy scout I made sure I packed a backup key in with my street clothes. A quick dash down to the lockers and she was free.

So, the two reminders you ask?
The first is, of course, a memento of my first time. When it all clicked for me and I finally understood what all the fuss was about when it came to being a top.
The second, that a good top always has a plan B.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Some people like to go out for afternoon coffee.

Me? Oh I do this sort of thing instead. (not work safe) A lovely way to break up an otherwise busy day. Ok, back to work for me.