Weakest Kink, Week 3 Results

Sorry for the wiat, we had a techincal meltdown here and well, well you know things got behind scehulde. No worries, the results are up and well worth the wait.

Now if you don't mind I really gotta go to bed.

From the inbox:

Monk,

You absolute bastard. You fucking rock my world. The ring is awesome, I worship it cautiously. Your rope has completely deposed everything else in my rope bag, all the nylon and cotton just sits there hoping to get handed off to a friend 'cause it sure as hell isn't going to get wrapped around someone by me. The nose hook is evil, and demands to be used in a photo shoot. I feel like Hunter S. Thompson talking about a Ducati or Adrian Belew discussing his guitar.

The fact remains, everything I've gotten from you has exceeded expectations, every time.

~Loki

I really should be at work right now...



But I just could not help myself. Last week Candy Girl dropped by the Abbey and brought us treats,yummy oatmeal chocolate chip cookies to be exact, and then went up on the winch. We did a simple single point vertical suspension and let her fly about the room like a Hong Kong action movie hero.



Her offspring was there too, a really sweet kid BTW, so we opted to keep her hands and feet free. At one point she scooped up the tyke and they flew about the room together.

Ok, ok, gotta get back to work now. I need to get 900 ft of black in dye, finish the ends of 600 feet of natural, meet with the blacksmith, buy flowers, and meet Dancer for our date…hmm best be scoring some RockStar along the way too.


Attention Weakest Kink Contestants: Since this week’s challenge was late getting out, you have till tomorrow noon to get your challenges into us.

Quick answers to some questions I get asked.

Yes, one of my submissions to the Erotic Art Festival was accepted for display.

Yes, my dad is fine. He begins initial transplant tests next month.

Yes, I did in fact do a suspension bondage scene with Jane Duvall last week.

Yes I might blog about it, depends on how much I can get done in the next 48 hours.

Yes, I am bringing a special, limited run rope color to KinkFest.

No, you can’t pre-buy any of it.

No, not even if you beg

No, offering sex won’t help either.

Yes, I lied on that last one.

Yes, I will be hosting a “Bondage Rodeo” at this year’s KinkFest

Yes, today is “Curry Wednesday” at the shop.

No, I have not given up on sword swinging. Just taking a break while we get the shop running.

Yes, I miss it.

Yes, everyone calls me “Monk”

Yes, even my friends.

Yes, and my lovers

Yes, even my mom.

Yes, I am obsessed with getting ready for KinkFest and it is dampening my creativity (as well as my social life)

Yes, I’m taking another vacation after it is done.

Yes, I’m still having a blast doing all this.

Yes, I have made hot pink rope in the past and will do so again if requested.

What is your favorite color?
Morning kids! Well we are ass deep in prepping rope for this year’s KinkFest. So as we plan out the batches and colors of rope to bring, I’m curious what is your favorite color of rope we make? Is there a color we do not make that you might like to see? Also, if we were to make a short run of some new color once a month and offer it on a first come basis would that interest you?

Just looking for more ways to get into every bedroom on earth.

Now pardon me while I dive back into it. We only have 17 days till the show and about 4000 ft of rope left to make.


P.S. I’m looking for someone to come help me at the Abbey who knows about growing bamboo. Specifically growing the stuff in urban environments. Interested green thumbs should e-mail me.

Hunter S. Thompson Commits Suicide

He was one of my heros. Fuck.

The Weakest Kink: Week 2

Ok, Ok we posted the results. Damn you guys are antsy!

Matisse posts this week's challenge on her blog.

About that contest... We JUST finished the big Oz order and now I need to get ready for a party. So I'm thinking that you will need to wait till tomorrow for those results. Sorry,.

Now if you will excuse me I have to deliver rope to the ever sexy Jane Duvall. Hmm I wonder if she will let me tire her up tonight? Best wear the kilt just in case.

The first contestant gets voted out of the duengon today, but first I need to get a few things done. Like dangle a cute girl at the shop, finish this huge order for the folks down under, negotaite something very cool that I can't tell you about (but trust me this is AWESOME!), recover from my night with Dancer AND take Tambo to the movies.

So... I'm thinking you best be checking back late tonight / early tomorrow for the results.

Random Lines

Here are some random lines taken from e-mail I have received recently. Here they are, taken completely out of context and in no particular order.

“Ultimately the body is just the messenger and it is the mind that ropes do bind.”

“When are you gonna come down here & live up to expectations?”

“In my role as Monk groupie, and in the spirit of continuous improvement, I would like to volunteer to be your cognate checker.”

“I do have a question for you - are you of scottish descent or do you just wear kilts for the unrivaled freedom of movement?”

“You are a very mean man, Monk.”

“Though from a logical perspective I KNOW it's okay how I responded it just helps to know from an emotional space that even for those who work really hard at a poly lifestyle, there are still... moments.”

“In addition to making delicious rope, going on many dates, swinging a sword, and perfecting your culinary skills, are you moonlighting with an insurance company?”

“I initially thought it would be similar to some of the thicker hemp or jute twine I've bought commercially but it's got a density and texture all it's own, as well as a wonderful smell and a natural power.”


“You know, it's very hard for a girl with an unexplored kinky side not to get a little bit of a crush on you.”

"The Swedish Chef entry made me laugh so hard that I sprayed breast milk all over the monitor."

“I was in a basement posing for 3 photographers (strangers) getting all sorts of unbelievable stuff happening to my body in all sorts of positions.”

“You are temptation personified.”


Now contestants, don’t forget your pervertable challenge is due today by 5PM PST.

Winch Wench Wanted

We have like 2.5 weeks till KinkFest and need to make a mile of rope. (That would be 5280 ft for those of you who playing the home game). The boys (That would be Griffin and Galahad) and I know we can crank that much rope out of the shop and into the hands of the oiling and packaging minions in time. The only catch? Well the only catch is that we are finding ourselves in dire need of afternoon treats and entrainment. Perhaps it is our dot.com backgrounds, but one can only press so hard before they find themselves needing to take a break… and some goodies to nibble on. If this were a high tech star-up we would have a foosball table or maybe some cool old arcade games in the lobby for this sort of thing. Sadly we have none of those, hell we don't even have a coffee maker yet. We do however have a 6-ton winch and LOTS of bondage rope.

So here is our offer. You bring us an afternoon snack, something warm and maybe some caffeine and we will reward you with some winch time. We need to practice our suspension rigging for KinkFest anyways and besides what better way to re-charge the mental batteries could there be? This is strictly a play only gig, no nudity. In fact we would strongly advise against it. Most of the shop is with out heat, so layers are advised.

Interested parties should e-mail me with their availability and treat recommendations.

M.I.L.F.

I once had a “patron”.

She was what some might consider a bored suburban housewife. Living, safe and secure in a nice big house with her kids and husband. He spent far too many hours at his high paying job and her kids were at that age when they did not need her attention as much, so this left her with a fair bit of free time on her hands. A young mother, she was now a stunner in her late 30’s. Tanned and tight, the fuel for any number of neighborhood boy’s first sexual fantasies, definitely what you would consider a “Mom I’d Like To Fuck”. She originally sought me out for my photography. She loved the way I captured the naked form and wanted to pose for me. Radiating sexual energy, she made for a fantastic subject. Now I’m not exactly sure if it was I who seduced her, or the other way around but that first photo shoot ended with us both naked and exhausted under the hot lights.

For the next 6 months what followed next was probably the closest I have yet to come to being a paid sex worker. Every couple of weeks she would come see me, leaving the safety of the suburbs for the grit and danger of my downtown studio space. We always met for lunch somewhere nice…she always paid. Sometimes we would rent out a private dungeon or go to a sex club; again she was always happy to pay that expense too. Any print I made from our sessions together, she eagerly bought. Often over paying me for the work.

And what of her husband you ask? She told me that he loved it. She would rush home after our trysts and tell him everything we did, in graphic detail. As time progressed we integrated this into our play, he would request that I take photos of her while I bound and tormented her naked body. On one occasion she called him on her cel and gave him a running commentary of the debauchery she was partaking in while he sat and listened at his office desk. Near the end he was planning on meeting us at a sleazy motel, where she would bind him to a chair and make him watch as I had my way with her naked body.

While I certainly had no great emotional commitment to her, I did enjoy our time together. Her body looked fantastic under the lights and she was very eager to explore her kinky side. Something I was all too happy to oblige. We created some cool photos together and had some very hot sex…but I knew the score. I was her adventure, a diversion from the everyday routine of life... nothing more.

Eventually she stopped calling and e-mailing. I’m not sure if the fantasy of fucking the rouge young artist had lost it’s appeal or if her spouse pulled the plug or what, but it certainly was interesting while it lasted.

“…it was twenty years ago today”

So it is Valentines Day and I, like most of you, am not so big on the idea of a manufactured holiday. Why reserve just one day out of the year to tell someone you love them or give them flowers? These are things you should do everyday.

However this day does have a very dear place in my heart. You see Tambo and I went on our very first date on this day back in 1985. Yep, 20 years ago we went out for the very first time. What did we do? Vintage clothes shopping. The thing I remember the most about that day was that she giggled when we kissed. When I asked her why, she smiled and said, “cuz I’m really happy right now!”

The local alt newspaper is running personal Valentines Day messages this week. She wrote this one to me:

Monk: Hi sweetie. Can I help it if I’m in love with the sexiest, kilt wearin’ rope maker in the world? Nope, not in the least. –Your chewy-chocolate center

What can I say, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.

Ever wonder what three quarters of a mile of rope looked like?



Well there you have it, over 4000 feet of raw hemp drying in the sun. The cool bit, by this time next week it will be soft, colorful, and ready to be used against the skin of someone you love.

Damn I love this job.

The Weakest Kink, Week 1 results.

And here, dear perverts, are the 5 lucky girls who we have chosen for our contest. May the best bottom win!

Now I need to get prep some rope for Max's class.

Now I know you are all waiting with baited breath for the results from this weeks challenge. No fears dear readers. All 6 contestants have completed their challenge! Dancer and I are just reviewing them now. We would have done it last night, but well… you know what happens when you mix nudity, rope, needles, and a mini propeller fan. Hmm maybe you don’t, but that is a story for another day.

So patience while we review this week’s results and prepare the new challenge.

Now onto other business. I’m looking for someone in the Seattle area who wants to do some video work for me. As is usually happens, most of my film school contacts have all dried up and gotten “real” jobs. What I need is a video / sound / editing type person (or persons) to help in the creation on some web video content for both Matisse and myself. Now the pay will suck, but the exposure potental will be fantastic. That and you get to work with bondage babes, hot pro doms, and (of course) the monk. If you are interested, please send me some e-mail.

Thursday Morning Quickie

Not much time to talk, need to be in the Abbey early for a delivery.

First off, we are happy to report that The Georgetown King of Curry is awesome. While Griffin and I did in fact have a great lunch, we do have one complaint. They don’t serve alcohol there so we could not have a lager with our Chicken Vindaloo…cuz you know the only thing that can kill a chicken vindaloo is a lager.

Thanks to the reader who pointed this out, I’ll take one in a large if you are feeling generous.

Now I do not want to jinx it, but we are doing great on this Australian order. The new dry racks get here today, once they go up things will get quite interesting.

To the reader who generously offered to bottom to me, thank you. I would suggest a photo and a more about yourself as a good place to start.

And how is this for a poly moment. Today an ex play partner, who is now dating one of my minion will be in the shop to paint the walls. She is a sweetheart and we all get along smashingly. Now did I mention that she is bringing her other play partner along to help? Also her other-OTHER play partner will be coming by the shop to meet me for lunch, since he is the primary partner of my lover… with whom I have a date later tonight with.

Oh and if you were ever curious, the addresses of porn stars.

Some Items Should Never Find Thier Way Into The Bedroom

I used to think that there was no such thing as a “bad scene idea” That is until after what I like to call, the Swedish Chef Incident. You see it was Thursday night, my weekly date night with Dancer and it was also my turn to be the top. If you have been reading this blog for long you will have probably surmised that I’m not what you might call “high protocol” when it comes to my D/S play. Rather, I’m more about the humor and fun of kink, SM play for me is all about the irreverence and hedonistic joy. Oh sure I’ll hurt you nine ways to Sunday, don’t get me wrong, just don’t be expecting me to keep a stoic expression on my face when I do it.

So, as I set to load up my toybag for the night, I needed to come up with a theme. A sctick, a something to set the tone for our play. Hmm. What do I have in my arsenal that she has not seen? Then, like a bolt from the blue I saw it. Something that I just knew would make her laugh… and if I can get her to laugh then it’s all good. Tambo is watching as I stuff the item into my bag, she looks at me with a raised brow and says, “Oh you are not going to bring that tonight, are you? She is going to kill you!”

Over the dinner I made it a point to drop hints about what was in store for her later. Things like, “I have something really special for tonight. Came all the way from Sweden” and, “The man who bought me this, could kill you with a spoon”. By now Dancer knows all about my habit of leaving misleading clues, so these just made her more curious and eager to see just what I had in the bag. Funny part is, I was not lying. The guy who brought me the mystery item from Sweden could in fact kill someone with a spoon quite effectively.

When the time finally came, I bound her hands and feet to the bed. Lots of rope, I wanted her good and secured when I sprung it on her. She giggled and struggled against the ropes as I slipped out of her view to ready my surprise.

Reaching into the bag I grab it. A plush novelty Viking hat, complete with stuffed horns. Made of crush velvet and garishly colored in blue and gold, it sort of looked like a cross between something the pope or a soccer hooligan might wear. My friend Jester found it in Sweden recently and thought that I, of all people, MUST posses one of these.

Popping back into her view with the hat on my head and a riding crop in hand, she let out a strange cry of surpize and laugher. “What the fuck?!” With a smile I launch into the Swedish Chef’s song from The Muppet show as I approach her with the crop at the ready.

I’m not exactly sure what happened after that. I was just about to the climax of the song, you know the bit where the Chef goes “BORK! BORK! BORK!” the plan was to strike her upturned breasts with the crop at the same time. Plans have a funny way of changing. In an instant, she is out of the rope. How she did it, I have no idea. I used a LOT of rope too! She is out of the rope and grabbing for the hat. Laughing like mad she informs me that she is, under no circumstances, bottoming to the Swedish Chef tonight.

I fear dear readers that my ego prevents me from telling you just what happened next, suffice to say that my Viking hat is no more, save for one stuffed horn I found a week later wedged behind the bed and I am now sworn to never sing the Muppets in Dancer’s presence ever again. At least while we are both naked.

A Day At The Abbey

So today marks our first full day of production at the new workspace and boy what a day it was. Here, in no real order are some of the reasons why this place just rocks.

1) Having a blacksmith for a neighbor who not only plays great music, but hammers steel in time to ‘40’s swing tunes
2) Trains rumble past not 5 feet from the windows.
3) Having neighbors whom; when you tell them that you make bondage rope, ask excitedly, “Cool! Can you show me some?”
4) Having these same neighbors look at one of our time-consuming hand process and then dash off to their shops to make a tool that will do it in a fraction of the time.
5) Boil kettles big enough to cook an entire human… or 1200 feet of rope at a time.
6) Free Wi-Fi access at the nearby coffee house, and they make a damn fine Americano too.
7) After they craftspeople leave at the end of the day, the rock bands come in to practice across the courtyard.
8) Listening to live music pour out of a dozen different practice spaces as you walk to the bathroom.
9) A motorcycle club has their clubhouse across the courtyard as well as a custom chopper shop is located around the corner.
10) New lunch destination, “The Georgetown King of Curry”, Griffin and I have a date to try it out on Wednesday.

We are at home amongst the artisans who craft things from steel and cut stone, the musicians, the rebels, and of course the motorcycles too.

Random Notes

From Tambo’s Photo Blog,


Behold, the new burner! FIRE GOOD! Would you belive that the burner is only burning at less than 5% flow? I swear these things go all the way to ELEVEN!

From youdamnkid.com While sometimes uneven and not nearly updated enough, this guy just slays me.



If you are going to Max’s upcoming 2-day class and need rope or a suspension ring, CONTACT ME ASAP. We have a limited supply on hand so don’t wait till the last minute.

I’m a hopeless romantic, You’re just hopeless!

The tune by The Bouncing Souls thumps away in ears. I always listen to punk when I’m in the shop alone and need to really hit it hard. Even though it is Sunday, today is no exception. I can’t reveal all the details yet, but the Monk’s invasion of Australia begins in Melbourne… in 2 weeks time. I need to kick out nearly a half mile of rope in 2 weeks. Thankfully we now have the shop mostly up, so while this will be a challenge it will not be impossible. Just means less sleep for the Monk and about those play dates? Um rain check?

Tomorrow, the first batch ever to be made in the Abbey goes into the dye. Now I’ll admit that I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I have been saving a certain spool of near perfect 8mm hemp for this day. Even raw this stuff is like butter… soft and perfect. My idea was that the first batch out would be just for me. Something cool like more gold rope, or some rust orange. Alas but no, the demands of my customers come first, let it be known that the first batch out will in fact be Jet Black.

I often tell folks that I have a mistress, a mistress who trumps all the other women in my life. I choose her over food and sleep, for her I will do just about anything that must be done. Her name is Abigail and she sits in the center of that red disk of the company logo.

The Weakest Kink Week1

And so, dear readers, here we are the first week of our contest. Now for those of you just tuning in, the ever-devious Mistress Matisse and I have hatched a wee plan where we are seeking out one lucky bottom for an evening of dungeon stopping fun at this year’s KinkFest. The catch? There happens to be more than one of you who wants this honor and are willing to compete for that privilege.

So here is how things are going to shake out for the next couple of weeks. Every Friday Matisse and I will issue a challenge to our most delightful contestants. These challenges are due by the next Thursday. We will review your challenges and share the results with all of you via video, text and a few other surprises. Now ever week, we will vote one of the contestants as “The Weakest Kink” and they will be banished from the dungeon. Every week the pool of would be victims shrinks till one lucky girl is left. The final selection will be made at KinkFest and then the fun really starts when we take her into the public dungeon and have our way with her.

Now we got a good quantity of applicants for this event, thank you to everyone who expressed interest. We have selected 5 potential victims… I mean play partners, and oh what fun we are going to have over the next 5 weeks. Your challenges will be varied and quite fun, if I can give you one piece of advice here it would be that MM and I love creativity. Extra points are given for going the extra mile.

With that, here is this week’s challenge!

CHALLENGE #1
Like all good tops know, the key to delivering a wining scene is to start light and then build the intensity. That said, this week’s challenge is a nice warm up flogging, don’t worry they will get much more… interesting. We require you to write us a one paragraph introduction as well as supply us with a photo of yourself for the contest website. Keep the introduction brief, no life stories here folks, tell everyone who you are, and why you want to be the filling in a sadism sandwich with the dynamic duo of Monk and Matisse. The photo can show as much or as little of your face as you like, however it must be sexy! No black bars of the eyes here! Again, extra points for creativity (and nudity).

This challenge is due NO LATER THAN 5pm PST Thursday February 10th.

And so it begins.

It’s a good day to be named Monk

Why? Well because…

… I’m 1 dye bath away from being completely caught up with my order backlog.
… In addition to being caught up, I’m also ahead of schedule for producing rope for Max’s upcoming 2-day class.
…My helper minions rock.
…The new shop sinks were installed last night.
…The new burners will be delivered tomorrow.
…I’m finally feeling well enough to shift back into my 18-hour days.
…I have a date with Dancer tonight.
…It is my turn to top.
…I’m feeling extra evil.
…I’m just about to close a deal with one of the largest fetish stores in Australia to start supplying them with rope.
…We have selected 5 very naughty contestants for The Weakest Kink and will issue our first challenge to them tomorrow.

My Libido Demands It
So last night Griffin is over at the house working on some rope. We were just finishing up putting the finishing touches on his custom suspension set when I stepped out to check my e-mail. When I returned a few minutes later Griffin said, “You have a very strange look on your face, what’s up?”
“You are not going to believe who just e-mailed me.” I respond
“Who?”
“I just got propositioned by (Name of extremely sexy mutual acquaintance withheld)”
“Damn, no way! So what are you going to do?”
“Well” I shrug, “yeah she is knock down sexy and I bet she is a hell cat to play with, but there is the whole issue of being over booked as it is. I feel like I have been giving out rain checks for play dates like a dot com giving out stock options. So I dunno…”
“Why you selfish bastard”
“Huh?!”
“You heard me, you selfish bastard. How dare you! You and your precious schedule, fuck your schedule. How dare you pass up this opportunity? You owe this to every guy in the scene who lusts after her and knows they don’t stand a chance with her. Every guy who looks at her and wants a slice! Why I dare say that my libido demands it!”

As Griffin rose and squared his shoulders to me I swear you could hear the faint sounds of someone humming the opening of “Glory Glory Hallelujah”

“You know what you are going to do? Why you are going to take that girl and you are going to tie her up and tie her up good. Then, then you are going to fuck her! And then do you know what you are going to do? Why then you are going to blog about it, complete with pictures. That way the rest of us can vicariously enjoy it! And so help me, I'm gonna read it that post, in fact I’m going to make pop corn and eat it while I read that post and then, why then I’m gonna post a comment too!”

I swear at this point the humming has grown to a stirring march.

“As god is my witness, you have to do this and do you know why? Because that is the American way! Life, liberty, and the pursuit of hot, sexy bondage babes! Our forefathers fought the Nazis so you could be free to fornicate with as many hot chicks as possible! Why, why if you don’t fuck her, and fuck her profoundly, preferably up the ass… well then damnit the terrorists have won!”


“Well since you put it that way…”

Hardwired

Recently, over spicy Indian food, a fellow kinkster and I were discussing the ins and outs of this thing called “poly”. I was sharing with him my response to watching my dearest Tambo get tied up in public by someone other than me for the very first time. While we have been at this thing for a long time, this was the first time she had ever publicly bottomed to another guy while I watched on the sidelines, no less.

“Over all it was very cool, he was great and did a fantastic job, I knew she was in good hands but there were a few moments that were fucking tough to take,” I told him in between bites.

“Yeah, you kept it together pretty well there until that last bit.”

“That last bit” he was referring to was the point in the scene when Tambo, fully in rope headspace, made that noise. You know, that noise… that sound your lover makes when you know they are having a really good time. That sound you hope they only make for you.

“Yeah, that was a hard moment. Thankfully Dancer was there to distract me and hold my hand while I bit my lip and furrowed my brow.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with this, for a while I thought maybe I just was not wired for poly?”

“That, good sir, it horseshit.”

Poly is hard, hard work. You spend a lot of time experiencing what we like to call “FGO” or “FUCKING GROWTH OPPORTUNITES” Now this is not to say that poly is unattainable or that you should not do it. In fact I would say just the opposite. Poly, while a lot of work, is a very rich and rewarding lifestyle choice. However you must first understand that nobody is really “wired” for it. It is a choice you make and you must be willing to work at it.

I certainly do not have the magic bullet for how to do painless poly. I have however learned a few lessons along the way. If I could impart two lessons that I have learned in my near decade of being poly (in one form or another) it would be this.

First, embrace the fact that you are going to have “moments”, but realize that they are just that. Moments are temporary things. Sure, when you are experiencing them they suck, but they will pass. The hope here is that with practice these moments will fade and eventually become non-issues. Things that once sent me into moments of gut ripping insecurity now don’t really seem to phase me all that much. But that took time, patience and a loving partner who was willing to let me have those moments and not criticize or think I was less poly than I should be.

Second would be to not use the generic term of “jealousy” when describing the way you feel in that moment. Look deeper than just saying “I’m feeling jealous right now” and ask yourself to be more specific. Take this example, if I see my lover being intimate and making kissy face with another person I have moments of envy. You see, I know how good her attention feels and I’m envious that someone else is on the receiving end of it. Or like when watching your partner bottom to another, it is all about ego. The feeling that, “no, I’m the rock and roll rope top here…”

Moments of ego, moments of envy, moments of insecurity, and moments of fear we all have them. So admit that you too will have moments and that moments will pass. Also try to describe your moment in better terms; it makes communicating your feelings later oh so much easier.

I said before that I do not have all the answers, in fact nobody really does. Everyone who is poly struggles at times with it, but that is not to say that it is not worth the work. The emotional rewards, the amazing bonds of trust and respect you form with your partners, and quite frankly the fact that you can be richly and deeply in love with more than one person and that it is ok… well that is worth the work.