Tuesday, May 30, 2006

2 hour delay, 4 hour wait on the tarmac and a 4 hour flight later…

Yes, we are finally home. Now I wish I could say that I’m going to spend the rest of the week lounging about and relaxing. Lord knows how we all have earned it. Alas, no that is not for me. Why? Call it ambition, call it economic masochism, or just call it my life, bur we leave for TES Fest in 30 days and I have next to no stock on hand for the event. So it is back to the Abbey with me tomorrow (or should I say later this morning)

Like the song says,
“One down, one to go. Another town and one more show…”

Thankfully, while this is a HUGE leather event (#2 largest on the east coast) it is not a rope only event. So the death march will be slightly less painful. In addition some of our cool east coast friends will be there too, so that always makes for a fun event.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Thank you Chicago and good night!

Thunderstorms explode over the Chicago airport as I type this. Hundreds of tired, harried bodies mill about was we all wait for the storm to pass over the top of us. We all jump in unison as one thunderclap explodes very near us and drowns out the noise and bustle for a moment with its boom. Tambo is doing her best to sleep while sitting in one of the ass numbing airline waiting lounge chairs and I’m envying her ability to do so with even limited success. Sleep, sleep is not going to come to me for some time.

My body is worn thin, today the standard greeting was something like. “Hi Monk, you look like shit”

Yes, yes I do look like a man who has been ruining on a few hours of sleep and working like mad for the past 4 days. But damn, what an amazing 4 days. My brain is still spinning with all that has transpired since we checked in on Wednesday night. Stories? Stories will follow once the jumbled pile of thoughts that are wriggling about in my brain settle into something more coherent and I can commit them to this digital paper that I have come to rely upon so much.

What I can tell you is this, we were welcomed with such love and warmth that I’m still floored. Financially the event was a success, better than a success. We did, frighteningly well this weekend. Far and beyond our most generous expectations and we owe it all to you, our most amazing customers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. From the volunteers who happily ferried stock too and from our room every day to the customers who came back again and again for more rope, “I just need a little more rope for this one thing I learned…” and then there was the matter of a certain charming woman who always seemed to make me smile when she was near (but that is a tale for another day)

From the bottom of my tired soul, sore ass and aching hands I say thank you again.

It was Sunday night, Tambo and I had reserved just enough energy to finally not want to just collapse into bed and made our way down to the dungeon in order to get some much needed play time in together. We knew we would pay for it on Monday, but to spend 3 full days vending and not play would be a worse crime than missing a few more hours of sleep.

As we waited for a hardpoint to open up I took advantage of a wonderful boy who offered to black my boots. In the proper, “old guard” fashion he lovingly cleaned and polished my work-worn doc martens. His strong, polished stained fingers worked miracles on my dry, gritty boots. Sitting there with Tambo and enjoying the moment, what would happen? A woman dressed as Wonder Woman dashes out of the dungeon screaming in distress? Her pursuer? A boy dressed in a complete, and I mean complete Spiderman costume. What followed was the stuff of every comic book reader’s wet dream. Wonder Woman, bound and dominated with her own lasso of truth. I looked over at my beautiful wife (dressed in a PVC ball gown that would end up cut to ribbons by me before the night was thru) and laughed with delight.

This, this is my life.

The anger of the storm overhead seems to be receding and we will hopefully board soon. Till then I’m going to enjoy the weight of Tambo’s body sleeping next to me and see what I can do about joining her in her slumber soon.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Monk, Live from Shibaricon TONIGHT!

Tonight I’m going to be on interviewed (read harrasing) the ever fantastic Graydancer as part of his live skype broadcast today at 6:30 CST. This will be a live web broadcast where you, the listener can interact and ask questions in real time. In order to listen and take part, just follow this link and download the app.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Safe in Chicago

We finally made it to our destination. Due to thunderstorms over the city, our 3.5-hour flight turned into a 5 hour-long airborne test of ass endurance. If the delays were not bad enough, all we had to watch on the in-flight movie thing was “Big Mamma’s House 2” and “The Last Holiday”. Oh Queen Latifah, what happened to you? All Hail the Queen was one of the best hip-hop albums ever made… sigh.

Of course when we did finally land, it was our plane and like every other plane that had been circling the city for the last 4 hours. Dragging 200 extra pounds of carry on luggage through an airport bursting at the seams with frustrated, late and cranky travelers is not fun, dear readers. I would recommend avoiding it at all costs.

The host hotel is… well it is a dive, but a charming dive. So far we have been warned to not use the pool, don’t drink the water, avoid the sauna and don’t eat at the restaurant. Oh and whatever you do, don’t go barefoot. (That one I am taking to heart, I’ve seen less sticky floors at the Lusty Lady)

Today we hang out, track down the pre-shipped stock and start setting things up for the opening tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I hate saying goodbye to Dancer. Most days when we get the opportunity to be together we linger in our goodbyes. Kissing and touching till the last possible minute before peeling away from each other and going out separate ways. This morning, when I knelt over our bed and kissed her goodbye sucked. Running a hand along her naked thigh and knowing that I wont be seeing her for a week, yeah that really sucks.

Alas, but it is time to go and I can’t linger here any longer. Time to take my bags and head east, east to Chicago and the Shibaricon show. Time for 4 days of rope, kink and lots and lots of work.

I’m certain that there will be more stories to tell, but for now I must depart. Collect up Tambo and Nerdy, catch a plane, and avoid getting a full body cavity search by TSA.

Next stop, Chicago.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Sprite, one of the many charming new faces around the Abbey, asked me the other day why I did not tell any more “little monk” tales. You know, stories from before I became the over caffiniated pervert that I am today. Well, seeing as how we are on schedule (and budget) for the upcoming show I think that I have a wee bit of time to share a quickie.

The Exploding PBJ

Yes, yes I did in fact walk a MILE to the bus stop every day.

We lived in the country, a chunk of rocky soil and scrub trees where my parents decided to take a stab at “living simple”, we hiked rain or snow down a long and winding dirt road to catch the bus everyday. These were the late 70’s and things like school lunches were strange rumored fairytales, like the Easter Bunny and parental supervision. No, in those days everyone carried his or her lunches. In either their trusty metal lunch boxes or the venerable brown paper sack.

We, we were a brown paper sack family. We were also dirt fucking poor so my mom, bless her heart, did her best to keep her 3 school-aged kids fed. Peanut butter sandwiches were pretty much the bottom and middle of our “nutrient pyramid”. Perhaps it was guilt, or perhaps some kind of overcompensation on my mother’s part, but she always seemed to make the biggest damn sandwiches possible. Like more peanut butter than 2 slices of bread were meant to handle. No, we are not talking about a thick slab of it. Imagine a thick, globulous layer of the stuff. So thick in fact that the bread didn’t really stick together, it more like floated about on top of the viscous peanut surface like a pair of whole wheat tectonic plates. Just look at the sucker wrong and it would slide open and spew its chunky payload all over your favorite tough-skin corduroy jeans.

Now I guess this would not be too bad if it were not for the dreaded orange.

With out fail, mom would make the sandwiched first and then place the said peanut flavored time bomb on the bottom of the sack. Only to then put what had to be the largest orange possible, to this day we are still not sure if she was secretly buying them from some kind of experimental government farm or something, right on top of the sandwich.

And there it would sit; pressing it’s round orangey mass into the now expanding sandwich, forcing it into new and strange shapes. Shapes that were most defiantly “non-sandwich”. By the time we got down to the bus stop the bottom of our lunch sacks would inevitably be showing the tell tale markings of a leaky sandwich. No longer a sandwich, it often looked more like a great brown crater with the contents all smooshed out and straining against the plastic wrap that feebly held it in place.

Eventually we gave up on even trying to unwrap the sandwiches, opting rather to eat them “Spaceman style” by poking a hole in one end of the wrapper and squeezing the contents out like toothpaste.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Stolen from one of my favorite comics

Of course they forgot one,
The Kinky Blogger, "So there I was, fucking a midget in the asshole when..."

Ok, we leave for Chicago in 2 days. I just pulled the "Project BlackBird" rope out of dryroom and it looks, wow amazing. Still need to whip a few more last minute orders and load the bags up. K, back to it.

Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Max. You are one awesome and evil SOB. Never, ever change.

Friday, May 19, 2006

The Next Book You MUST Own

There are a number of great new bondage manuals on the horizion. The amazing Bridgett Harrington’s new bondage manual “Shibari You Can Use” is finally in print and we have the exclusive, first run of this book.

Unlike other books on the market, this one takes the mystery out of rope bondage and presents the reader with informative, step-by-step instruction all written with Bridgett’s unique humor and style. Loaded with photos, this book is a screaming deal at 21.99. TwistedMonk.Com is the only place in the US (heck the world for that matter) where you can get this book right now.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

1 Picture = 1000 Words

I know, I know I have not updated in days. No we have not all fallen down a well or been eaten by giant mutant voles from the center of the earth. Nope, just ass deep in that last push to get it all done. UPS comes today to pick up all we have finished and ship it ahead for us. There is no way we would be able to pack this much rope and gear along with our luggage on an airplane. As for driving it all out again? While I do not regret doing that last year, damn am I glad we are flying out next week.

However, lets not talk just about work today.

For whatever odd reason, I seem to be collecting a number of hats in my office. What started with the now infamous novelty Viking hat has grown into a number of unique hats. I am beginning to suspect that my friends think that I have some kind of hat fetish. Great, what is with fetishes? I swear, they are worse than Pokemon, no sooner do you think that you have your collection in order they release booster packs!

Now each hat has certain rules or powers attached to them. For example there is my “+1 Fez of World Domination”. Then there is the matter of my Officer’s cap. A stern cap, once worn by members of the East German Secret Police, it has one simple rule. You are welcome to wear this cap, but only if you are naked.

As you can see from the photo, little Alex didn’t seem to mind the rule one bit.

*sigh* I suppose I should get back to work now. We have just 2 dye baths left for this show and then there is the matter of finding just the right shoes for the event. I'm thinking 6 inch platform heels myself. Not sure if I can rig in them, best test that out.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Weekend Recap

I honestly have no idea where to start, save that I had the best damn weekend ever. Still working to compile the details and firm up my alibis, so you all will need to wait. However, here is one tiny bit to hold you over. At one point this weekend, Dancer and I ended up shaking our asses at a gay disco till dawn. Oh and we were both dancing topless at the time.

Till such a time as we get our stories straight (or the statute of limitations runs out) enjoy my latest column on Jane’s Guide. Yeah, I know better late than never huh?

Thursday, May 11, 2006

On a musical mission,

Can somebody hook me up with a tune? I’m looking for the DEVO cover of NIN’s “Head Like A Hole”. The song was part of the US Edit of Jackie Chan’s film, “Super Cop”

I can’t seem to locate a copy of this tune anywhere.

Anyone? Anyone?

Oh and if you get a chance, take a listen to Mates of State, the tune “Think Long” has one of the most “sing along at the top of your lungs while driving in traffic” endings.

OK, back to the deathmarch. 2 weeks and counting...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Booking a year in advance
My schedule is a crazy one. It is pretty common for my friends to book time with me weeks in advance. As for play dates, the wait there is even worse, but a year? That seems extreme even for me. However that is how long the lovely Red from The Red Sneaker Diaries and I have been discussing a possible play date. Granted, we have tried to get together a couple of times already. Things like schedules, funds and the constant push of everyday life have thwarted all our previous efforts. So you can imagine my delight when I received a note from her recently that read “3rd time’s a charm”. Not only was she to be in town during one of the monthly “Bondage is the Point” parties, but also she was bringing her girlfriend along and they were both looking to experience the joys of rope.

And experience it they shall.

Out of respect for Red and her girlfriend’s privacy, I’ll keep my descriptions of them to a minimum. However know this, Red… well Red is a lovely creature. Pale skin, supple curves and an ass that just begs to be beaten. As if this was not awesome enough, her girlfriend is a yummy young thing, toned and tight. Dark eyes hide a wicked side that starts to peek out when she smiles at Red.

Yeah, this is going to be all sorts of fun.

Of course there is a worry here. Delivering a good scene to one person can be difficult; one must tune into the person and tailor the experience to them. Read their responses and ratchet the sensations up or down based on their feedback. But two different bottoms that you have never played with, let alone met in person, at the same time? Good thing I enjoy a challenge. I’d be working alone so suspension was right out. My skills are not up to attempting a two person simultaneous suspension unassisted. Simply too dangerous in my opinion. Save that for another day.

After picking out an open spot at the back of the play space, I set about to tie them together. It is an amazing thing to see sexual chemistry in action. These two girls really wanted to get as close as possible to each other. I would be my job to bind them in such a way that they would be close, yet unable to touch the other’s eager flesh.

Picture if you will, two girls sitting naked save their panties. Legs open, facing each other and bound together, legs to feet. Just close enough to smell the other’s arousal yet too far to kiss and caress the other, that is unless they pulled hard against each other’s crotch ropes. I just love a good predicament bondage scene. If they stay still then the ropes running between their labia won’t press into their damp pink flesh or they can succumb to their desire and face the pressure in order to get their mouths and hands on each other. It did not help much that I kept rolling them about, changing the pressure on their bodies and eventually tying a small but powerful vibrator into their shared crotch rope. Did you know that hemp, when tied tight against the body, transmits vibrational energy? Try it sometime.

This, this is what I would call an Exothermic Bondage Scene. Both parties were more than ready to tear into each other with wild abandon. It was my job to keep them just far enough apart to keep their desire at a maximum temperature. Ok, so some will say I was cheating, you know, all I had to do was tie up two hot girls and stand back and watch them fuck. Oh dear readers don’t buy that for a second. No, this took all of my skill and cunning to execute. Each rope had to be placed just so, with exacting precision. Every roll and push upon their sweating, heaving bodies with my Converse clad foot was planned weeks in advance by a team of unemployed NASA scientists.

OK, I lied. I did just tie them up and stand back. At one point I recall looking over my shoulder and making eye contact with Dancer and giving her a smile and a “gee, I think my work here is done” shrug. It did however take a great deal of focus to not want to cover myself in maple syrup and dive into the middle of what we are now calling “the sweaty lesbian fuck ball” TM

Eventually I had to untie them. I know, I know it did seem like a terrible thing to do at time as well, but things has gotten to such a fevered pitch that I feared that my rope might combust from the friction between their two grinding bodies.

Red would eventually get to experience the joy of suspension bondage the next day in my office loft and I would add not one but two pairs of her shredded panties to my collection. How exactly did I get two pairs of panties from the same girl in one day? That dear reader is a tale for another day.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Behold, I can now officially call myself a “Rock and Roll Rope Top”

This is a teaser shot from a series I recently rigged with the amazing Delano and photographed by his partner Michele Serchuck. Up till now I have never done any professional rigging for bondage sites, I like to think of myself as a better rope maker than rope rigger. However I am a huge fan of both Delano and Michele’s work so I was very honored when they asked me to work with them. I have only seen a handful of the resulting images, but they all look very cool. Delano is an amazing rope model and has this wonderful grace that Michele is really tuned into when she shoots him. Me, I just tie the ropes and they make it look hot. The rest of the set will be featured on his site, Delanobound.Com soon. When it does I’ll see if they will let me share some of the images with all of you.

Of course as I type this, know that I look nothing like this shot right now. I’m COVERED in crimson dye stains. My jeans are so worn out that they look as if they might fall apart at the slightest provocation. I have been wearing the same work t-shirt for 4 days straight. I need to shave and my face has a semi permanent ring shaped bruise from the respirator I use when handling dyes. Yeah, it makes me look like a Jr. member of the Darth Vader fan club. Nice to know that when needed, I clean up well.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Rocky Horror Picture Show Players at the Admiral Theater in Seattle?

If any readers are part of this troupe, please contact me blog@twistedmonk.com
I have something cool in the works...

And you wonder why Finland has one of the highest suicide rates in all of Europe? With music videos like this it is not hard to wonder why. (Work safe)

Ok, back to it. I got me 10 pounds of stuff that needs to fit into a 5 pound day.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Frustrations of the job

There are a number of fantastic new bondage books coming to press soon. We of course are eager to get our hands on them and if they are up to snuff, offer them to our customers. On such book is Chanta’s “Bondage for Sex”. Now due to our longstanding relationship with Ms. Chanta, we were going to be the first in the country to offer the book for sale. However that looks to not be the case, thanks to the paranoia of a few. You can read it here on her blog.

Talk about frustrating. So why am I telling you all this? Because this sort of thing is an all too frequent occurrence for those of us who operate adult businesses.

While we do not offer anything directly “sexual” for sale on our site, we are considered by most as a “porn” site. That distinction often puts us into a “high risk” or “do not offer services” category with most financial institutions. Now I suppose one could lie, set up a cover company and try to stay under their radar. Sure, that works until you are found out and sent packing. (Word to the wise for those of you thinking about setting up a fetish business and using a certain well known payment system used on the big online auction sites. If they catch you using their service as part of an adult business, the will freeze your funds and prosecute for you violation of the TOS)

Rather, I have taken a different stance. I am unapologetically proud of what I make and if the bank/insurance company/printer/whatever is uncomfortable with it. Great, best they tell me now before we waste each other’s time and money. Sure this has put me at odds with more than a few bankers. I still remember sitting across from a banker in his downtown office and putting a bundle of rope on his desk and saying, “This is what I sell on my site. Convince me that I’m a porn site”.

The good news is that there are lots of companies out there who welcome our hard-earned kink dollars. Banks that see this for what it is, a business that is run with integrity and fueled by hard work and loyal customers. It has taken us a while to develop these relationships, but the honesty up front made the difference and as we continue to grow they are the first folks we call.

OK, I’ll get off my soapbox and get back to making rope. The new Color of the Month is almost dry!

Monday, May 01, 2006

They call me, “El Nawashi”

One of the cooler benefits of where the Abbey is located is the giant covered loading docks that are attached to the building. This space is more like a central courtyard than just a set of docks really. The space has played host to concerts, film crews, fire sculptors, motorcycle rallies and more raves than you can shake a glow stick at.

Imagine my delight when I found out today that the space is to be rented out for the entire month of May to, get this, a women’s charity wresting event. Yep, they will soon be installing a 12x12, complete with ropes and turnbuckles, regulation wresting ring!

This, this is too good to be true! I may finally get to live out my fantasy of doing a masked Mexican wrestler takedown scene. I must locate my fringe cape and stetchy pants!

As if this day could not get any better.