Friday, November 28, 2008

Happy Black Friday!

Today is a really busy day here at the Abbey. Today I have the largest crew of minion working in the company's history, it's practically crowded on the shop floor! After resting up yesterday the plan is to knock out a huge chunk of these orders and begin the massive holiday push.

So while I do the "Wrangle and try not to strangle" with my crew today here are 2 things to keep you entertained.

First off, yes this would have been funnier if I posted it yesterday but a day off is a day off.

This is funny on a number of levels, what killed me was the bad Asian music and the fact that he was sporting one of those Chinese silk jackets. Note to would be tops, those are played out. Trust me, I speak from a place of authority here, I once sported one myself... like 5 years ago. The only thing that would have made this clip any funnier would be if he tied the bird up and mispronounced the Japanese translations for the ties he was using and claimed that they were taught to him by a secret European house.

The other item is a bit more thoughtful, NPR this morning announced that today was the "National Day of Listening", Not like to music, but rather listening to someone when having a conversation. How many times have we spoken to a person and not really "listened", rather just waited till they were done speaking and then opened our mouth. A bit of an esoteric challenge today, stop. Speak less and really try to listen to what is said to you.

On that note I best sign off and go listen to what my crew has to say about getting all this rope cut, whipped and out the door.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Holiday Help

And so I’m in the process of bringing on some extra help for these last few weeks before the big holiday. Oh and no I won’t be opening my doors at 6 am on Black Friday in the hopes of luring in shoppers nervous to spend this season. In fact my main concern will be filling all the orders I have on hand in time, hint to those of you thinking about giving rope this year… ORDER EARLY.

The thing is, finding just the right people to add to my crew even for a temporary position is a tricky one. Some folks really want to come work for me and send me emails like this…

I keep thinking about a fantasy of coming to you maybe for a job interview and in order for you to even consider me I must get naked. You ask me to stick my tongue out and clamp it between two chopsticks. Then you proceed with the interview and you assault me with a tone of questions. And every time I can't properly answer you do something evil of your choosing... employing more implements and tighter bondage... maybe leaving one foot free to fill out the application with my toes... When you are done with the interview you untie my tongue and ask me if I'm still interested in the job and if so I should convince you with a proper cock sucking that I'm the right girl for the job...

Hmm, I don’t think OSHA will look to kindly on the whole exposed toes thing. I recommend that all my crew wear steel toe boots. Also we really don’t have an official “application” to fill out and my whole crew knows that my loft office is completely off limits too.

Oh wait what was that you say? She’s not actually applying for a job, but coming onto me? Oh…. ok.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Really, really busy couple of days as we bust ass here at the shop. The "holiday death march" officially starts up on Friday and I'm doing my damnedest to keep from getting this one too out of hand... I'll write more later today, but right now we need to slam and jam something firece.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

i see dice....

i see dice....
Originally uploaded by Mr Monk

game night is never a serious event.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Looking at the shots from SeaComp has reminded me of how much I miss pubic rigging, not “playing” in public, but rather doing more performance bondage. Call it the endless pull of the footlights, but the actor and exhibitionist in me misses the thrill of being onstage and when mixed with getting to throw some rope and you have an intoxicating combination that as of late I did not realize just how much I missed.

Fortunately there are a few venues that have extended invitations to perform, along with the youtube option it is more a question of when and what, not of where and how. Of course there is the obvious issue of just how the hell I am going to fit rehearsing and performing into my already overbooked lifestyle, but as with all things in life.

If it is worthwhile then you will find a way.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Meet me at an event and I’ll probably stumble on your name, even if we have met before, sorry but I’m just terrible with names. It usually takes about three repeat introductions for my brain to finally lock a face to a name. It’s not that I don’t remember meeting the person, quite the to the contrary actually. Once I can put a face into context I’m golden, even in some cases I’ve surprised customers by rattling off the details of their last handful of orders. Its just that face to name thing that gets me, I blame all the 80’s pop music. Somehow it has damaged my brain to the point where I can quote the lyrics to “You spin me round” with out breaking a sweat, but ask me what my mother’s maiden name is and I’ll have to think for a sec.

Now most folks I meet are pretty cool about this particular mental quirk of mine, I often make it a bit of a joke when I meet someone new. Expressing how delighted that I am to meet them while simultaneously apologizing in advance that they will need to remind me of their name about 3 more times and to not take it personal. Like I said, most laugh and share some embarrassing story about how they forgot someone’s name at a key moment too.

However there is a particular girl who seems to have turned the tables on me. We have crossed paths a few times at various social gatherings and upon our last “meeting”, when she reintroduced herself to me and I began to explain again my thing with needing multiple reminders, she coyly leaned up close, rolled her shoulders back and purred in my ear. “You said that the last two times we met, I hope time sticks”

Call me a dork, but let’s just say I’m looking forward to crossing paths with her again and making a point to impress upon her my desire to do more than just recall her name.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Another shot from SeaCompression '08

Yes, this would be Alex riding on my shoulders as I rig. Not a very "traditional" approach to bondage, slipping under the bottom and lifting them up on your shoulders as you tie off an ankle tie, but if you have not yet figured out I'm really not all that traditional in a lot of respects.

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Friday, November 14, 2008

Music plays a large part of the daily flow of life in the Abbey, longtime readers will note that I’m always making comments about what we are listening to when we work. Pretty much from the moment we open the gates in the pre-dawn till far, far after everyone else in the building has fled, there is something playing. The Abbey crew are now made up of a pretty diverse cross section of musical tastes and I normally try to embrace the wide mixture of music we listen to over the course of the work day, I do draw the line at some things…. John Denver, for example, should only be enjoyed while watching re-runs of The Muppet Show, preferably while stoned.

We don’t always agree on music or even on what one defines as a particular genre. Take for example the often mocked, yet secretly adored genre of “Cock Rock” vs. “Butt Rock”

Yesterday found us in deep disagreement over what constituted “Butt Rock” and how it could possibly be different from “Cock Rock” or if there was a difference.

See, in my mind there is a difference. The music of the 1980’s that I would call “Butt Rock” is the kind of tunes that I could see a guy, sporting a wicked mullet and driving his still in primer late 70’s Firebird (complete with fuzzy dice) rocking out too while at the stoplight in front of the local mall. He may not be the best built of men, but his beer gut is well hidden by his Journey ¾ sleeve shirt and jean jacket. While “Cock Rockers” are those guys who would have hung out in front of the Whiskey a Go-Go in ultra tight “pleather” pants with hair that has had so much aqua-net applied to it that Greenpeace will be naming a hole in the ozone layer after him. Rail thin from a diet of too much coke and possibly even sporting eye liner. This, this is a cock rocker.

Explaining this theory to Tambo over breakfast this morning, she poised the question, “So what does that make stripper music?”
“Oh that is easy; it is all good stripper music as boobies are the universal musical currency.”


Thursday, November 13, 2008

So I'm working on one of those "Letters to Monk" sorts of posts where I answer reader e-mails.... I get a lot of good questions sent my way, but sometimes I get one that makes even my jaded brain reel.

I give you exhibit A, un edited and un changed from how I got it... and no, this was not spam email either.

"Just wanted to that there are a certain amount of shit in this planet
nigger women using blow guns to knock thier men out while they sleep
uncharted bondage bay and every day men walking around with what
they think its "rights" over person basically alls left is silent rage right now
:( and i dont feel good about myself here any more and i have no one left
to talk to because there isnt anyone wanting to fess up so when somone
blows by here im left as a shell, although twisted monkey helps there isnt
enough or as powerful stuff in just the utube movies that i see i cant stop
what they do to me and its leaves me sick inside what should i do? i cant
even get to work its ruining my life and any potential life with anyone i want
around in the near futur can you help me find a place to stay thats safe from
kinky neighbors and anything that goes bump in the night i am a humble person
that is not going to put up with ignorent cops that play stupid either cause they
are involved in the fetish thing there seems to be no justic, my mother has bee taken
by this soceity already and that leaves me with no one, i have talked to her about it
but she starts giggleing and wont take anything i say seriously after that how can i
tell me nightbor to stop paying so much attention to me and find resonce to put her
to an end finaly and finally how do i get involved with the right kind of people to
have some defence against this sort of thing

Thank you for any answers you can give me and thank you for your time"

Monday, November 10, 2008

From SeaComp 08

Shots are starting to trickle in from the event on Saturday. This one is from a demo I did with a very sweet boy who had never, ever been tied up before let alone suspended. He was so nervous and yet so terribly endearing when he finally went up and could not stop smiling.

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Saturday, November 08, 2008

all the umbrellas of london...

all the umbrellas of london...
Originally uploaded by Mr Monk

more seacomp setup and random art.


Originally uploaded by Mr Monk

hanging hard points for the SeaComp party.

I'm Rigging Tonight at SeaComp 2008

My very good friends at Suspense Camp have invited me out tonight to join them as part of SeaComp. This will be my first foray into the whole Burning Man "thing", but from what I have been told this is should be a pretty cool event.

I'll be rigging and giving "bondage rides" with the rest of the Suspense Camp team tonight. If you can't make it out, watch the twitter and Flikr feeds as I will do my best to send updates as I can.

Now what to wear?!

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Friday, November 07, 2008

Brain stuck in Neutral... Apply coffee and wait.

Perhaps the rain is causing my brain to rust, or it was the string of long days finally catching up with me, but wow... witty sentences are not my forte this morning. While try soaking my brain in caffeine lets play the "Leave a funny comment, win a prize" game again.

Oh please make sure you leave your email address when you leave your comment so I can contact you if you win. "K2" we voted the winner of the last one, but with no contact data I really can't give ya your prize now can I?

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Thursday, November 06, 2008

Its really a question of motivation…

I really do not like doing pull ups. Sure, for the first time in my life I can do them, lots of them actually. Still does not mean that I like them, especially after busting my collar bone last year, it took months before I could even dare to attempt a few tentative tugs at the bar. Now, a year plus later, I can slam out a dozen or so before I start swearing at my trainer. It is not that my body can’t do them, but I think it is a mental thing for me. Now I “listen” to my body in fear of hearing a tell tale twinge or pop. Call it paranoia? Call it not wanting to feel the pain of having bone shards grind together again, but I really do not like doing pull ups.

This morning, after swearing, I jumped up on the bars to bust out the dreaded deed and then it dawned on me. See it is all a question of motivation. I’ve been told that when doing a pull up you should look up at the sky, where you want to go, rather than down at the ground. A slight change of focus, that’s all. This is when it occurred to me, why look up at the plain, white ceiling? How can this be a motivating goal? No, what I think I need is a really motivating goal, better yet something to strive for. I’m pretty sure if I could convince some sweet girl to climb up onto the overhead bar and perhaps sit her naked ass down so that when I reached the top of the pull up, my nose was just buried in her exposed crotch… I think perhaps then I will be able to fully embrace the activity and not look upon it with such dread.

I’m thinking this could revolutionize my workout routine.


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

You have got to be kidding me…

Ok, ok so yesterday after ranting about how sick and tired I was of being bombarded by election opinion from every possible media outlet known to man. This morning, as soon as the polls in my neighborhood opened, I happily and proudly cast my vote. Later, sporting my “I voted” sticker and feeling a general sense of relief and excitement for what is truly a very historic election, Tambo and I decided to stop off at a local coffee house on the way into work to pick up something yummy for the Minion.

Making small talk with a girl behind the counter, I was flirting actually. She was tall, cute and made coffee, what more can a guy want? Anyways, so there I was chatting her up when I expressed how glad I was that I got my voting done early.
She looked at me and with a look of genuine puzzlement went, “Oh, is that today?!”

I did my best to not stare at her slack jawed and ask on what planet her alien captors had been holding her for the past 2 years or if she had just come out of some kind of coma… I really and truly hope she was pulling my leg, but the blank look of bewilderment on her face told me otherwise.

So for the rest of you, get off your asses and go vote today. Don’t make them think that next time we need to have even MORE media attention in order to motivate us to get our lazy asses to the polls.

Ahem, rant over. Back to you regularly scheduled blog love.

Today I launched November’s Color of the Month. A midnight blue shade that I am calling “Blue State”. With any luck, you can use it to celebrate this very historic moment in history.

UPDATE: We are now sold out of 6MM and 8MM stock! Sold out in less than 3 hours! DAMN!

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Monday, November 03, 2008


Can I just say that I'm so damned sick and tired of this election? Yes, I know that we are standing on the front steps of something "historic". Yes I know that now, in this 11th hour we can't get complacent and let this opportunity pass... but Christ on a cracker can we please stop talking about it? I don't know about the rest of you but I am so sick and tried of every time I read the paper, turn on the tv or hop online being assaulted with the results of some poll or hearing about some hair dresser in Iowa who is still undecided and what they have to say about the matter. Frankly darlin, if you still have not made up your mind after this marathon of campaigning, you are an idiot and get what you deserve.

It feels to me like I'm breaking up with a long term lover. We used to be really exited to see each other. Time just flew by as we could not seem to keep our hands off each other and would gladly fuck to the point of exhaustion. However now, those days seem long ago and I can barely recall what it was like to spend the entire day in anticipation of smelling her skin next to mine as now all we seem to do is talk endlessly about our feelings. Too much processing, to the point where you dread the mere thought of seeing this person for you know that you would rather never, ever see them naked again if it meant that you could escape the dreaded "conversation" about the issues and how you "feel".

"Put a bullet in my head, this is done."

That, that is how I feel about this election. Sure, tomorrow morning I'm marching my ass to my local polling booth and casting my vote. I'm making sure my crew are all cleared to come in late so they can also vote as well.

But damn, can we stop talking about it and get it over with so we can get back to the hot sex!?



Originally uploaded by Mr Monk

one of the lockers at my gym this morning. I count 4 different locks on that locker door.